beth0277
10-01-12, 17:12
I am a serious mess...I don't know what to do at this point. I was admitted into the mental hospital last week over night (let me tell you how fun that was!). I'm tired of crying, so all I can think to do is laugh at this point.
My mind goes through so much mental anguish every single day. At 5:00 am, I have kidney failure, by 7:00, I am cured of that, but now I have colon cancer. 10:00 it's MS, 1:00, it's some other cancer, then back to MS, then it's my heart, then it's this...oh and back to cancer and MS once or twice more.
Seriously...I was doing okay (barely) until this morning when I had to get a Barium Swallow test to check to see if my esophagitis is cleared up. So..I told the tech that I have also been having some issues with swallowing (not problems swallowing, but it just sort of feels like it, no pain or anything). I didn't mention it to the radiologist doing the test, though I should have. So...I glanced at one of my images (and I am in finance, not medicine, so who knows what I was looking at!) and I have convinced myself that it didn't look "normal". So, now I have throat cancer...or maybe it's "my" MS causing swallowing issues. I am making myself sick over it all. Then I have convinced myself that they didn't even look at my throat during the test since it was ordered because of GERD, though I think that the radiologist would have at least noticed something abnormal watching the slides (he was watching as he was doing the test) and thought to get pictures if something looked abnormal.
I HATE health anxiety. Seriously. Is it anxiety...or do I really have all these issues?? My throat feels like I have a lump in it, which started just recently when my anxiety got bad. It is also a weird sensation of a little air coming up several times a day. Not like a "burp" but like a little tickle of air coming up.
You know...I think that we with HA would be better off to just not get any tests. Surely if most people got tests, they would have some abnormalities...it's only those of us with HA that have them and KNOW about them because we push for so many tests, and then we make ourselves crazy over it all!
My mind goes through so much mental anguish every single day. At 5:00 am, I have kidney failure, by 7:00, I am cured of that, but now I have colon cancer. 10:00 it's MS, 1:00, it's some other cancer, then back to MS, then it's my heart, then it's this...oh and back to cancer and MS once or twice more.
Seriously...I was doing okay (barely) until this morning when I had to get a Barium Swallow test to check to see if my esophagitis is cleared up. So..I told the tech that I have also been having some issues with swallowing (not problems swallowing, but it just sort of feels like it, no pain or anything). I didn't mention it to the radiologist doing the test, though I should have. So...I glanced at one of my images (and I am in finance, not medicine, so who knows what I was looking at!) and I have convinced myself that it didn't look "normal". So, now I have throat cancer...or maybe it's "my" MS causing swallowing issues. I am making myself sick over it all. Then I have convinced myself that they didn't even look at my throat during the test since it was ordered because of GERD, though I think that the radiologist would have at least noticed something abnormal watching the slides (he was watching as he was doing the test) and thought to get pictures if something looked abnormal.
I HATE health anxiety. Seriously. Is it anxiety...or do I really have all these issues?? My throat feels like I have a lump in it, which started just recently when my anxiety got bad. It is also a weird sensation of a little air coming up several times a day. Not like a "burp" but like a little tickle of air coming up.
You know...I think that we with HA would be better off to just not get any tests. Surely if most people got tests, they would have some abnormalities...it's only those of us with HA that have them and KNOW about them because we push for so many tests, and then we make ourselves crazy over it all!