Not sure where to start...

[Aurocard]

Hokay so...

I've been having panic attacks that have steadily been getting worse. I can't exactly say when they all started, but I can remember one that sticks out in my mind. It was shortly after a party I went to, two days after I was getting ready for work, when I started toward the bus stop and all the sudden I just...couldn't move. I felt ill, throat closed up, and light headed, kept breathing funny. The thought of getting on the bus while I was feeling like this just made me scared and I turned around and went back to the flat. I ended up getting a ride from my friend.

About a few months later, I was at a wedding, when the reception ended we were driving on the way home and suddently I felt ill. I raced upstairs, went to the restroom...but nothing happened. I had eaten before so I was expecting to just vomit it all up but, nothing happened. I spent the next hour pacing back and forth in the flat of my friend until my heart rate subsided.

Nothing happened for about...six months after, then I moved here to Bristol. For the first two months, things were going great. I'm getting married (there was no Engaged option in the profile bit XD) in about 16 days, I'm going out on a honeymoon to the canary isles, nothing could be better....

....Then, six weeks ago, I started to have regular panic attacks. I'd get nervous, nauseated, but only at night. If we were to go shopping during the day, I'd be fine. No problem. But the minute I'm told we're going somewhere at night, I imediately feel a sense of dread, and everything locks up. It scares me

Well, after a few doctors visits, I come to find that I might have gallstones and that my liver is indeed inflamed, so I started to attribute my panic to that, that my body is just on overdrive telling me that something is wrong.

I went on meds for my pains in my gallbladder and my nauseated feelings, and that worked for a while...until last night, as I posted in my intro thread. That scared me so bad, I didn't know what to do.

I've never been like this before, never had problems going out or anything...now I have this lingering thought in the back of my head that I'm going to vomit everywhere the moment I set foot out of the house.

This is bad considering I'm going to be on my honeymoon....and I'm flying somewhere ....and yeah.

I don't want to take medication, I believe I can get over this the more I understand about it. It's like facing the fear I had of jumping off a diving board. I just had to do it and understand that I would be okay.

I'd rather talk myself down then take meds.

So yeah....that's my story o.o

Sorry it was so long lol.

-Auro

[Mindful]

Hokay so...


I don't want to take medication, I believe I can get over this the more I understand about it. It's like facing the fear I had of jumping off a diving board. I just had to do it and understand that I would be okay.

I'd rather talk myself down then take meds.

So yeah....that's my story o.o

Sorry it was so long lol.

-Auro

Hi and welcome to the forum Auro x

I quoted this part of your post because you are already half way there by the sounds of it. Understanding what happens when we panic and all the nasty symptoms that come with it is really important!

I dont know how much you have read, or know about panic attacks so forgive me if i am stating the obvious here ok :)

One day for whatever reason ( that reason isnt important) we have a ''funny'' turn, it could be because we didnt sleep well last night or havent eaten, or maybe we are hormonal ( females lol ) maybe we have a bit of a bug or the room is too hot.. whatever the reason we are suddenly very aware of something being very wrong, our every being is saying RUN GET OUT, GET HOME ( Fear has hit) suddenly feel faint, feel out of breath, we cant swallow, we shake, our legs go to jelly, our heart beats ten to the dozen, our vision goes all crazy, things seem out of place we feel like we have some how lost touch with our surroundings ( I am painting a bleak picture, not everyone has all of this, im just setting the scene :) )

We escape, we get home as fast as we can, or out of that shop, cinema, car ect.. when we are out of the situation we start to calm down, all the pyshical feelings subside. We cant under stand what just happened but one thing we know for sure is that we are left worried sick about IT happening again, so we start to avoid... our world gets smaller and smaller....

If we rewind, back to the beginning and take a closer look we can see that fear had taken over, we felt uneasy, we couldnt explain why, we just instinctively knew we didnt feel right. We felt afraid, our bodies natural fight or flight system kicked in, the exact same feelings we would feel if faced with a real threat, only this time the threat came from within, it was our irrational thoughts that triggered the whole thing.

Fear of the fear is what happened. Fear of the physical feelings brought about by adrenaline being released over and over until we felt safe. Nothing is wrong with our fight or flight response thats for sure. :)

The only thing wrong is our thought process, memory of the last panic attack is strong, its very easy and very very quick to flick that PANIC button on with the wrong thoughts egging it on.

Next time you feel any sign of panic or any of the feelings that worry you, thank your body for being ready so fast to protect you, but also tell it that it has made a mistake thank you very much! x