coming out of the clauset????

[imported_n/a]

hi guys,,as you are all probably aware i have kept my anxiety to myself and the agraphobia to myself ,i havent told anyone no family or anything,,so now my mum has to go into hospital in around 5 weeks and of course the hospital is nearly 10 miles away,,and i can only make it around 2-3 miles from my home,,she is for a knee op,,she is 72 ,,she will be in there for 1 week and of course there can be no excuse for not going to see your mum in the hospital can there???i really dont think i can make it there as i have only just coome out and opened up to all you guys and i am really happy i did,,my family have never been a very close family and tend to not be at all supportive,,we dont talk openly about anything or give any support to each other i have 3 brothers 1 sister all older than me ,,i am the youngest,,so in 4-5 weeks do i open up and tell mum i have a problem just mum thou,,or can i find a good enough excuse to not go and see her,{but there cant be a good enough excuse can there} not to go and see your mum?? i know how i am feeling about it now just the thought of telling my mum is makeinng me feel inadequate..weak,,i feel as thou i am letting her down,,i feel ashamed ,,all these different emotions can i deal with them will my mum regect me and say i am a freak ,,i really am unsure on this one really do need some advice guys ,,i want to tell her and then i wont have to live with the guilt of lieing to her everytime she asks me to go somewhere for her makeing excuse ,,what do i do..???darren

[nomorepanic]

Darren

Glad to see you re-posted this. Sorry it got removed. Diana was going to email you about it.

I am sure you read my reply so I won't repost but others may have more to say now.

xx


Nicola

[diana]

Darren,

I did e-mail you to apologize for the "topic" getting deleted.

Again I am sorry.

I also gave you my thoughts in my e-mail to you on this issue.

So I won`t use up this space, but would like to add if you absolutely can not muster up the strength to tell your family about your suffering. You should definitely atleast tell your mum.

I think you will be pleasantly surprised at her reaction.

Sorry to hear that your family is`nt a very close one and that you feel you must deal with this suffering on your own.

On the contrary my friend we are here to help guide you, support you and advise you as best we can. So you are no longer alone. Please always remember that.

We are behind you all the way, no matter what you decide.

Take care and best wishes to ya Darren,

Diana xxx

P.S. I do wish your mum the best of luck with her surgery. :)

[benoo5]

hello darren,

youve been brave enough to open up on this forum,and i feel you need to take a few deap breaths,and explain just how you feel,to your mother.

theres something about being a parent,we might rant and rave,at our children,but were always there for them,when needed.

as for the hospital,would you be able to get a lift,from someone that you feel comfortable with,as i think that worrying about the situation beforehand,is far worse,than actually carrying it out,and always remember,if your feeling your symptoms coming on,then theres no better place to be,than in a hospital.

i dont know of anyone,that enjoys the atmosphere of a hospital,so you wont be alone with your feelings!

best wishes.....bryan.

[imported_n/a]

thanks bryan,,but i suppose i could get a lift but i have a certain amount of agraphobia bryan,so going anywhere further than my limit of 2-3 miles is impossible at the moment,,even it britney spears turned up and said come on darren lets go for a drive,,i am afraid i would have to turn her downn,,thanks bryan,,,darren

[tinkerbell_boy]

Im new (bowes). Ok, i can really relate here. I'm getting over my attacks now, and to be honest, am really glad i didn't have access to these sites during my troubles.
I was drinking too much, not going out, which lead to these god awful attacks. If i knew id have to go somewhere, id sit and worry about it makeing it worse. My advise is STOP! Personally, by saying to myself "ok, get over it, stop thinking about it" helped. I'm only 20, and most of my friends have been through similar stuff. "I didn't go out for so long, when i did i was like OMG, get back inside". I'm guesing youre young too, which is brilliant! Youve got ages to get it sorted. My parents were constantly on at me to get a job, but having panic attacks in front of them made them realize i wasnt ready!
Stop worrying about it all! It's very common. Don't wind your self up! dont think of ways to get out of going! If you would like to go to hospital, tell your mum you will! And give it no more thought!! If, when the time comes, you feel too panicky to go, don't. But don't lock yourself away! And cut out any alcohol! I hope i'm allowed to post this, but GET YOUR HANDS ON A COPY OF PAUL MCKENNA INCREASING YOUR CONFIDENCE CD. Don't poo poo hipnotherapy like i did. Its a form of deeply relaxing, getting rid of all the anxiety! I was at a loose end, didnt know what to do. bought a cheap copy from amazon, listened to it in the morning when i woke and at night b4 bed, and i swear it made a hell of a difference!! RELAX, CLEAR UR BODY OF ALL THIS ANXIETY, and it WILL give you a lift!! if youre not working and can't afford a copy Darren, please email me. Thanks for reading :)

Good vibes and smiles x x x

[benoo5]

darren,this is just a CBT sort of idea,as your mother isnt going for five weeks..how about trying this..

get a trusted friend,to drive you as far as you believe,you can possibly manage...sit there for a few minutes,concentrating on your breathing,and sipping some bach rescue...then ask him to just drive on a few hundred yards more.NOTE WHERE YOU STOPPED!

a couple of days later,drive to this point...stop,concentrate on breathing etc...ask your friend to drive on a little further.AGAIN NOTE WHERE YOU STOPPED.

try to do this regularly over the weeks,and that limit,has probably gone from 2/3 miles to 7/8 miles...its about taking little steps...by the time mum goes into hospital,you will feel more confident about the journey..agoraphobia is about WHAT IFS,so what is the worse that can happen? you wont die,you wont collapse..yes,you will sweat,your heart will pound,your breathing will be uncomfortable..BUT YOU WONT DIE,whatever you decide to do darren,i wish you well,but avoidance is taking a backward step.

talk to your doctor about this,he/she may well be able to help regarding the hospital trip.

good luck matey..little steps......bryan.

[diana]

Hiya Darren,

Lot`s of good advice here.

I understand that you have agraphobia, but I just wanted to touch on Bryans suggestion. That sounds like a brilliant idea.

Do you think you might be able to do that?

Like Bryan said it is all about "LITTLE STEPS". We all gotta start somewhere.

Please keep us updated on your progress and your decision.

Remember we are all here to support you no matter what you decide.

Take care and best wishes,

Diana xxxx

[Jules31]

Hey Darren

I just wanted to say good luck with telling your mum. Please let us know how you get on. Just keep on taking those small steps, you can do it.

Hugs
Jules

[imported_n/a]

hi jules thanks mate for yoursupport i will most certainatly keep you posted ok thanksx

[Lilith]

Hi Darren. No one but my husband knew about my panic attacks for almost a year. I finally told my mother and was so surprised by her reaction! She was completely understanding and said I should have told her sooner, because she thought I was angry with her about something. See, I couldn't bring myself to drive to her house, so I wouldn't even call her, in case she might ask me to come over or take her somewhere. (She's 80.) She was really cool with the whole thing and never pressured me. About six months later I told my sisters and they were the same way. One of them could relate, because she's had anxiety problems herself (I had no idea!) and the other one didn't understand what a panic attack was, and asked me to send her some websites so she could read about it.

Now I wish I had told them sooner, because it would have saved a lot of misunderstanding and tension.

Good luck to you and your mom.

[Meg]

This is so hard to decide whether to come out with it or not.

If you have a close family who share 'life' then they are likely to know all about it as it all unfolds anyway. If you don't, then there are huge concerns about the unknown reactions and peoples judgements of you.

My thoughts have been that if they either need to know as your behaviour has changed or you need some support and help then it's good to share and at very least you know where you do stand with them all and at best have an extra support line.
If it would make little or no difference to you and you have adequate support elsewhere , then is it worth the heartache when you can start to improve slowly and shortly not have such limitations so no need to tell them anyway.



Meg

'There can only be true courage when first there is genuine fear'

Dr.David Livingstone

[diana]

Lilith,

Just wanted to say that I am glad that you had such a positive experience in telling your family about your suffering.

Good to, that they in turn have been so supportive of you.

That is great news. :)

Darren...........

Do keep us posted as to how things are going for you mate.

Take care all,

Diana xxxx