Harribo
12-01-12, 21:50
Hey, my names Harry I am 20 years of age and I am from London :). Been suffering from panic attacks/anxiety for about a year now. Sadly mine was brought on from substance abuse. Which is kind of sad as I brought it appon myself and made bad choices in my life so maybe I deserve to feel like this. Up until I was 16 I hated drugs of all kind. When I was 16 I fell into the wrong crowd of people, I started smoking fags which then led to weed which then led to cocaine, speed, mdma, ketamin. I though I was living some great life style as I had a good job and could afford everything I was doing. But it was one of those situations where you think your happy but then years down the line you realise you are actually a very unahappy person which is what happened when I was around 20. I realised I had made wrong choices in my life and started suffering panic attacks. But I think most sufferers will tell you when you have that first attack its like. I think I am about to die any second now. After I had my first attack and a visit to hospital in an abulance you would think that would of been the wake up call to stop doing what I was doing. But I carried on slowly drifting into deppression having more attacks and more hospital visits. I realised what I had missing in my life and it was love. I always use to end up back at some friends house on the weekends doing drugs and drinking then the prostitutes would come in. I finally realised enough was enough. I was not going to get clean hanging round my so called friends. So I turned to online dating aha? Yes sad I know but it worked out amazingly well for me. After a couple of really bad encounters, I finally met the women of my dreams. She was working at a pub when we arranged to meet up. I had drugs on me and did them. But from that day on I have been clean. We hit it off and I cut out all my friends out my life as they were not going to help me. I am now living with this amazing person my fiance now. We have our own flat. And I have been drug free for 7 months. But......there is always a but. My anxiety and panic attacks have not left me......I rarely have attacks now but 90 percent of the day I feel on edge. I have headaches most days and I just feel like I am in my own bubble. I feel dizzy everyday my vision sometimes goes and acid reflux. I have had around 30 ecgs all normal, blood tests, blood pressure, temperature etc etc eetc and more recently a ct scan! And guess what all normal. So why do I still feel like this? For the first time in my life I am happy. I do not want to go down the drugs route for anxiety. I am a strong person. I quit nearly 5 years of drugs abuse for love. So I know I can control myself. But this is defeating me. And I don't know what the best route to go down is. In the meantime I am sorry for writing so much, now I am going to enjoy reading other peoples storys.
Thanks.
Harry :) x
Thanks.
Harry :) x