Harribo
13-01-12, 01:04
Hey my names Harry I'm new to these forums but already reading posts from other members I can relate to the majority of the members so I just thought I would share my story. Apologise in advance if it seems like I am dragging on but I suppose since I have never shared my thoughts with anyone I have a lot to get off my chest so sorry. Any advice or feedback would be amazing. Thanks :).
So yeah as I said before my name is Harry I am 20 years of age and my health anxiety started about a year ago. I suppose I am slightly different from other members as my anxiety is 100 percent self inflicted and I only have myself to blame.
I started taking drugs when I was 16, prior to that I was very anti drugs. I fell into the wrong crowd and started smoking fags, then it went on to weed/skunk and finally cocaine. I abused my body every weekend. I had the money to do so and I thought I was enjoying myself. When I look back on it now I was very unhappy. So yeah my typical week would be work hard at work monday to friday and come the weekend I knew what was going to happen. It started off as sniffing half a gram of cocaine on a typical night out and towards the end of my drug taking career it was around 5 grams which is about 200 pounds worth plus my drinking money. Up until I was 20 I had no problems with anxiety but I realise now the ammount of crap I was shoving up my nose it was bound to have some major effects.
My first panic attack came on a friday, I was on my way home from work thinking yeah another great night out tonight, girls, friends, drink etc when all of a sudden my body just lunged me forward. I had no clue what was happening to me. When I got home I rushed to the doctors screaming I needed help. My symptoms were. Dizzyness, basically my hold body felt numb and I felt as though I was going to faint and pass out. I thought I was going to die to put it bluntly. I told the receptionist to call me an ambulance but they told me to wait in this room and wait for the doctor. Why would I wait for the doctor? I'm having a heart attack! I staggered back home, I must of looked off my head and told my sister to call me an ambulance, mum and sister were in bits. Ambulance came and hooked me up to the machines etc. Your heart is fine Harry.....I feel normal again!!!! I went to to the hospital anyways and had bloods taken etc.
That was my first panic attack and by far the scariest! Anyways I carried on doing what I was doing going out with my friends doing stupid things, more panic attacks, more ambulances called more nhs money wasted. Obviously each attack varied in intensity but when your in hospital and there doing all these checks and saying there is nothing wrong. You blame yourself and question your own sanity...
I started to realise how unhappy my life was and from 16 to 20 my life was filled with bad choices and decisions. I cannot put a number on it but I have estimated that I have wasted over 15,000 pound on drugs and drink. I mean at 20 I could of had a mortgage... I became depressed and realised all these years when I thought I was happy I was actually not. I didn't have a girlfriend, I knew my friends were not actually friends.
I decided to try to get out of my vicious circle and try to find someone to share my life with and just be happy as I knew that is what my life was missing. I decided to go online dating! Aha I know sad right, but after a few awful encounters I was speaking to this really nice girl. So we arranged to meet where she was working which was at the pub she was working at. I was still doing drugs at this point so I took some with me to get me out of my shell. I walked into the pub and my jaw dropped. I was in love. To cut a lonnnng story short that was my last night of doing drugs. I quit cold turkey. That was 7 months ago now. And now we have our own flat 2 kittens and she has a shiny ring on her finger. But.....
There is always a but ha? I rarely get panic attacks now but I am always anxious! I get maybe 3-4 attacks a month compared to the 10 plus when I was on drugs, yes that is progress, but I can't go on like this anymore. I am finally happy and I feel that I should be able to move on from my past but I can't. I always feel on edge I get headaches, chest pain and now suffer from acid reflux. Doctors say the ammount of stuff I was taking has obviously done damage but it will take up to two years for that damage to be repared. I have not counted but I have had atleast 20 ecgs now, blood tests, blood pressure, light shined in my eye and more recently a ct scan! All normal but I still feel anxious I have had everything done to me to prove that I am not dieing or have cancer or tumours or heart attacks. But you tell yourself they have missed something and google your new symptom. I have to get out of that habbit google damn you!
I apologise for the long story, I don't want to go on antideppresants. Especially with my drug history. But I am strong minded otherwise I wouldn't of been able to give all that up. I have seen someone about it before but I was still taking drugs at the time so couldn't give it a real shot. Maybe I should go down that route again.
To finish off here is a list of symptoms I have experienced with my anxiety/panic attacks. All advice would be greatly appreciated!
Heart palpatations
Tension Headaches/Normal Headaches
Back pain/chest pain
Muscle spasms
Twitches
Muscle pain
Electric shocks in body
Tingling in chest
Dizzyness
Light headed
Feel like I am in my own world/bubble
Losing my mind
Slightest thing that touches my chest feels like pressure is on it.
Acid reflux also known as gerd.
I will add more once I think of them ha. Thank you for reading and I welcome all feedback like I said. :) x
Thanks.
Harry.
So yeah as I said before my name is Harry I am 20 years of age and my health anxiety started about a year ago. I suppose I am slightly different from other members as my anxiety is 100 percent self inflicted and I only have myself to blame.
I started taking drugs when I was 16, prior to that I was very anti drugs. I fell into the wrong crowd and started smoking fags, then it went on to weed/skunk and finally cocaine. I abused my body every weekend. I had the money to do so and I thought I was enjoying myself. When I look back on it now I was very unhappy. So yeah my typical week would be work hard at work monday to friday and come the weekend I knew what was going to happen. It started off as sniffing half a gram of cocaine on a typical night out and towards the end of my drug taking career it was around 5 grams which is about 200 pounds worth plus my drinking money. Up until I was 20 I had no problems with anxiety but I realise now the ammount of crap I was shoving up my nose it was bound to have some major effects.
My first panic attack came on a friday, I was on my way home from work thinking yeah another great night out tonight, girls, friends, drink etc when all of a sudden my body just lunged me forward. I had no clue what was happening to me. When I got home I rushed to the doctors screaming I needed help. My symptoms were. Dizzyness, basically my hold body felt numb and I felt as though I was going to faint and pass out. I thought I was going to die to put it bluntly. I told the receptionist to call me an ambulance but they told me to wait in this room and wait for the doctor. Why would I wait for the doctor? I'm having a heart attack! I staggered back home, I must of looked off my head and told my sister to call me an ambulance, mum and sister were in bits. Ambulance came and hooked me up to the machines etc. Your heart is fine Harry.....I feel normal again!!!! I went to to the hospital anyways and had bloods taken etc.
That was my first panic attack and by far the scariest! Anyways I carried on doing what I was doing going out with my friends doing stupid things, more panic attacks, more ambulances called more nhs money wasted. Obviously each attack varied in intensity but when your in hospital and there doing all these checks and saying there is nothing wrong. You blame yourself and question your own sanity...
I started to realise how unhappy my life was and from 16 to 20 my life was filled with bad choices and decisions. I cannot put a number on it but I have estimated that I have wasted over 15,000 pound on drugs and drink. I mean at 20 I could of had a mortgage... I became depressed and realised all these years when I thought I was happy I was actually not. I didn't have a girlfriend, I knew my friends were not actually friends.
I decided to try to get out of my vicious circle and try to find someone to share my life with and just be happy as I knew that is what my life was missing. I decided to go online dating! Aha I know sad right, but after a few awful encounters I was speaking to this really nice girl. So we arranged to meet where she was working which was at the pub she was working at. I was still doing drugs at this point so I took some with me to get me out of my shell. I walked into the pub and my jaw dropped. I was in love. To cut a lonnnng story short that was my last night of doing drugs. I quit cold turkey. That was 7 months ago now. And now we have our own flat 2 kittens and she has a shiny ring on her finger. But.....
There is always a but ha? I rarely get panic attacks now but I am always anxious! I get maybe 3-4 attacks a month compared to the 10 plus when I was on drugs, yes that is progress, but I can't go on like this anymore. I am finally happy and I feel that I should be able to move on from my past but I can't. I always feel on edge I get headaches, chest pain and now suffer from acid reflux. Doctors say the ammount of stuff I was taking has obviously done damage but it will take up to two years for that damage to be repared. I have not counted but I have had atleast 20 ecgs now, blood tests, blood pressure, light shined in my eye and more recently a ct scan! All normal but I still feel anxious I have had everything done to me to prove that I am not dieing or have cancer or tumours or heart attacks. But you tell yourself they have missed something and google your new symptom. I have to get out of that habbit google damn you!
I apologise for the long story, I don't want to go on antideppresants. Especially with my drug history. But I am strong minded otherwise I wouldn't of been able to give all that up. I have seen someone about it before but I was still taking drugs at the time so couldn't give it a real shot. Maybe I should go down that route again.
To finish off here is a list of symptoms I have experienced with my anxiety/panic attacks. All advice would be greatly appreciated!
Heart palpatations
Tension Headaches/Normal Headaches
Back pain/chest pain
Muscle spasms
Twitches
Muscle pain
Electric shocks in body
Tingling in chest
Dizzyness
Light headed
Feel like I am in my own world/bubble
Losing my mind
Slightest thing that touches my chest feels like pressure is on it.
Acid reflux also known as gerd.
I will add more once I think of them ha. Thank you for reading and I welcome all feedback like I said. :) x
Thanks.
Harry.