Help me work through the crazyness

[Nahdia]

I have suffered from obsessive thoughts since I was 18 (now 37 years old), this manifests itself mainly in HA.

Like a lot of you guys on here, I have spent an inordinate amount of time, googling, trying to decipher important medical reports trying to work out if the 1 in a billion chance of a disease could be me.

Previously, I would go through a phase, once my particular health anxiety had passed, things would revert back to normal. Last month I convinced myself that I had a brain tumor of MS, unexplained headaches and weird tingling sensations (all classic sign of anxiety), back and forth to the doctors. This was of course made worse when I tried to sleep and couldn't. The anxiety about having a tumor became an anxiety about insomnia. I convinced myself that I couldnt sleep and would never be able to sleep. I even managed to convince myself, that I had rare form of insomnia that is fatal, only 5 documented cases out of the 6.8billion people in the world. So I would have to be the 1 in a 762,000 million person to get this disease.

Having convinced myself that this even with my wildest health fantasy that on extremely unlikely, I have started to think I may have vcjd (symptoms start with you guessed it anxiety and depression and INSOMNIA). I am now thanks to google a specialist on VCJD.

I am on MEDs which are helping me sleep better, not all nights,not helped by the fact that in the last two days I have managed to contract the norovirus from my brother (thank god we all have it at home, otherwise I could see where that train of thought was going to end up). I just wish I could get back in to the a better sleep pattern, which will give me the confidence to think more coherently.

I have signed up for CBT, waiting to hear when I can start.
In the meantime, any advice you helpful forum members can give me on how I can relax, and stop with the obsessive thoughts - I am sure once that is under control other things will fall in to place.

Thanks in advance

Nahdia

[Stormsky]

Thoughts that you pay too much attention to keep coming back... the more you try and fight and push it away, the more meaning it has and the more it keeps coming... dont fight or push thoughts away, let the thought it, look at it for what is is,(just a thought,) ask yourself if its really a rational thought and if its helpful to you... then decide to say thankyou for that thought, but im not interested anymore and let it go... easier said than done i know, ive had obsessive scary thoughts myself.. but its like me saying to you 'Dont think about pink elephants' and the more you try not to the more you will... I too had the thoughts about the sleeping fatal disease recently after watching it on Lewis... and reading up on it doesnt help! ive let it go now.. if i tell myself i cant sleep, then guess what? i cant sleep- we are our thoughts, we become what we think about all day... you need to start telling yourself things youd like to happen...like 'i will sleep well tonight, i believe i will'... replace negative thoughts straight away with some quick response positive statement... i can automatically do that now.... I havent been sleeping, i wake 2-3 times a night, but i keep telling myself every night that im going to sleep fine tonight! you arent dying,its just anxiety symptons..x

[cjl2301]

I remember a time when I was focused on vCJD also! It was back when they kept talking about "Mad Cow" on the news. I didn't eat beef for months!!!

Anyway, Stormsky's advice is pretty good. Also, a lot of people recommend to try "living in the now." That is really focus on what you are doing in the present. And no matter what happens in the future, you are OK right now.

I know it's hard. What has worked sometimes for me in the past is also distraction - if you can find something to work on, or play a game, etc.