View Full Version : Worried about my future
Hi Everyone,
I wanted to vent out about my fears and see if I can't get some feedback from everyone. I am a 25 year old guy and live in Southern California. My life has been great, I am working full time, I go to school, I have a beautiful wife of 2 years and a 1 year old daughter.
I have always experienced the normal anxiety and fears that we all have due to our normal lives, but something in me snapped about two months ago. I took a plane from California to Texas just to check out some property. All of a sudden on my 2nd day there I started to have the "I'm losing control" feeling followed by constant anxiety and fear. I know the being away from my wife and daughter for the first time contributed to that, as well as my fear of flying. I spent my last two days in Texas waiting to come home and just dealing with the constant anxiety.
After I got back home I felt okay. It took me a few days to feel normal again, but after that I was fine. Over the past 2 months the anxiety feeling has come and gone but nothing major...until this past week. Last Saturday night I feel like I can't control myself and that I can't catch my breath. I lay there and whimper next to my wife. The only thing that calmed me down was calling my Mom, who has had anxiety for 20 years.
The constant fear and uneasiness landed me at the Dr's office this past Thursday and I explained to him that this feeling is taking away my efforts towards my job and my family life. It's not like I'm scared of anything imparticular, it's just a constant feeling of unease. I did not want to take any medication, but felt that if I had it I would know that if something started happening the meds would be there to help me, just like my asthma spray. He prescribed me .5 mg of Ativan, and said to take it at night before I go to bed and it should help me the following day.
Here is where I stand now. I don't feel like I'm going to flip out and have a panic attack. I'm just living with a constant uneasy feeling. I'm scared that my condition is going to land me in a home and that I won't be able to care after my daughter and wife. It's like I don't have any control on how bad this condition is going to get. The thought that I'm going to lose my mind is eating at me everyday and it almost brings me to tears to think that my daughter isn't going to have a "normal" daddy to raise her.
Any personal stories or advice would be great.
Thanks so much.
Joe
hiya joe
firstly have a look at some of the posts and see how many people suffer this uneasy feeling
secondly get yourself a copy of claire weekes book " self help for your nerves " it will help you cope and understand your feelings and sensations better
thirdly , email when ever you need to , we are all here for you
soo glad you found us
jackie
Hi Joe
Venting your fears is a great place to start with. As your anxiety is fairly new the best piece of advice i can give you is to stay positive and try to stop thinking the negative things. This really does help. All though you say there is nothing in particular that you're afraid of you have pinpointed two things yourself. Your fear of flying and the fact that this was the first time you have left your wife and daughter. I think with both of those lurking in your mind it's only natural that you became worried. You felt better when you got home so those fears were both unfounded, your plane flew and landed safely and your family were ok when you got home. Keep that positive thought in your head.
You've felt ok for two months so what has happened to you this week that has made you feel anxious again. Has it been suggested at work that you may have to go away again? It's possible that your anxiety came back as you may now fear having to go away again, having to face the plane and face leaving your family. If that's the case then you must think that you got through it before and can do it again. Is it possible for someone else to go in your place?
Talking to your mum is a good place to start in understanding anxiety but don't concentrate on the bad parts of it, ask her how she dealt with it, what solutions work for her, how she copes from day to day. There is no miracle cure but staying positive is a big plus for you.
Many professional people suffer from anxiety so you should not fear coping with work or that you won't be a 'normal daddy' You can do both with every success. Stay positive and don't let this eat at you.
take care
May
The brightest, sunniest day may follow the darkest, stormiest night ... enjoy the sun
Hi Joe
Please get Claire Weekes book, it is brilliant. It will help you to understand what is happening. Anxiety and panic are so scary when you don't know what is hapening but it can be overcome. You will be able to look after your wife and daughter, keep positive. This is not forever.
Take care
Daisybun
'This too will pass'
Thank you for replying back. This forum has been great so far. To see the success of others and the support that everyone has for each other. Unfortunately I've spent my whole day at work on this site, but what can I say. When you first had to deal with this, were you freaked out that it was going to lead you to the nut house? That's what has been weirding me out.
I plan on ordering or picking up a copy of Claire's book today. I have two other books on the way to me already:
-The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook by Edward J. Bourne
-Panic and Anxiety Disorder : 121 Tips by Linda Buell
Have any of you heard of those?
Well, it is a good feeling that on top of my Mom I also have all you to turn to during the day if things get out of hand. It's reassuring to know that I can overcome this and it doesn't have to be forever.
Thanks again,
Joe
Hi Joe
I can understand how your feel, thinking you are going to end up in the nut house. I can laugh now, but when I first came to this site it was not funny at all.:( I thought I was going to be like that for the rest of my life, BUT, its sooo not true. You WILL NOT end up there. I promise you.
What I would say is, learn all you can about pa's, anxiety, also learn how the mind works, how you are being programmed all day every day. On the onset of panic, anxiety. I was programmed very very quickly to fear many things, all of them negative things, ending up in the nut house was one of many.
Remember Joe, things take time, don't be to hard on yourself. Keep doing the things you have always done, don't let Mrs anxiety stop you, although this may be very hard at time's to do.
You daughter WILL and does have a normal daddy to raise her, Mrs anxiety is showing you the negative, I know its hard Joe, but push this thought to one side, see yourself better and think of all the nice things you and your family will be doing.
Although I have not had a pa or high anxiety in a long time. I am under alot of stress at the mo with a few problems. I am picking away at my thoughts asking myself why I have NO pa's or high anixety. I only want to find out so I can tell people on here, but I can't find the answer. The only answer I can come up with at the mo is.
My attitude is, if I have a pa or high anxiety I don't care, if it happens it happens, I'll deal with it and get better again. This site has tought me not to fear pa's or high anxiety and that you CAN get better.
At the moment I an reading a book called Mind over Mood, change how you feel, changing the way you think. It is opening my eye's even more on how my mind and thoughts and moods work.
With alot of hard work, support and time, YOU CAN, learn how to feel better.
TAKE CARE
LOVE JILLXX
When you fear something
learn as much about it as you can
Knowledge conquers fear
Hi Joe
I've been living with that uneasy, restless feeling for a few months now, and like you, mine came out of the blue. Things just creep up on us but you will get some great advice and friendship from this site.
I also worry a great deal about being a good mum and wife - the one I used to be before anxiety hit - who will look after my family like I can when I lose the plot completely. But this WILL NOT HAPPEN. Have you thought about having some therapy. I see a cognitive therapist - they help you to look at the positive and negative, the rational and irrational thoughts. It is very helpful.
You will always be a great Dad and with help you will overcome your anxiety and the old Joe will return. PM anytime you like - we are all here for each other.
Janie xx
shorte_stressa
13-06-06, 15:59
im worried about everything things that happen things that have happened and things that might happen so much so it makes me sick at night
i understand your worry i just try to tell myself that things will happen and i must take veryday as it comes -change is not always necessarily a bad thing -its just sometimes you must make a positive out of every negative
Joe,
You have had so many great replies on here, I feel I cant add that much [Duh!]
But I think its so important to vent your anxieties to whoever you trust. This could be your mum, wife, therapist or fellow sufferers.
Many of us have a general anxiety because we were frightened as kids. For example, I was separated from my mum for 6 weeks aged 5, and I think that has played a big part in why I get so scared and insecure.
Do you have any self-help groups in your part of SoCal where you can chat over your feelings face to face to people like you? I find that quite useful.
Take Care,
Ray
http://www.anxietyrelease.org.uk/
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance.
~Mark Sanders and Tia Sillers
I cannot express how happy I am that I have found you all. Here I am in Los Angeles, and most of you are in the UK, but it's like you we are all just hanging out and helping one another. I've felt so much better just in the past day or two from talking to some of you here. I've realized the priority is to have a strong mind about things and just understand what's happening within myself. I hope to get to the point where I have overcome my anxiety and I just just talk to those who are feeling low and help them see that it is not forever.
With that being said, I posted something under the "medication" forum, but I hadn't received any responses. Perhaps somebody can give me their opinion on this:
My Dr. prescribed me a one month supply of Ativan at .50 mg for my constant anxiety/uneasy feeling. He advised me to take it every night before I go to bed. I took it Thursday, Friday, and Saturday night but did not take it last night. Today I felt okay, not perfect, but not panicky. And I felt really good tonight, mainly in part to reading The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook and with the words found on this site.
My question is, do you think I should take the Ativan for the whole month no matter how good I am feeling? Does the medication take time to reap the complete benefits? I believe I'm taking this medication to help me get over my fear of anxiety day in and day out. However, it doesn't seem right to take the Ativan even if I'm not feeling bad...but I don't want to ruin what we are trying to accomplish with this medication.
Thanks for your input!
Hi Joe, I've no idea what Ativan is/ Is it like valium? I'd get back to your dr and check how this med works, some act straight away and some need time to work. Sorry can't help.
Take care
Daisybun
'This too will pass'
NO , you do not need to take the ativan for the month at all now you are feeling better.
It is part of the valium family and thus works tablet by tablet and no need to build it up.
Switch to taking it 'as needed for emergency moments.
Great that you are feeling better
Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com
proactiveness, positivity, persistence, perseverance and practice = progress
Hi
You brought back all the thoughts and feelings I had once upon a time! But now I'm much better, so by that token I have prooved that it doesn't last forever! You come to learn, in your own way, that anxiety happens, like any emotion. It comes and goes, if you let it! It will be of great benifit to you to break down the thoughts you're having to discover what is really setting you off. Then you can start to challenge negative, unrealistic thoughts, and replace them with positive ones. The more you do that, the more your thought habits will change.
Are you living a stressfull life? I think this triggers alot of people off(long term stress) But most of us don't recognise we're very stressed till it's too late! Is there any way you can do less & enjoy & relax more, with your daughter perhaps. That will make you an even better Dad than you are already, the very fact that you are concerned about this situation on her is proof that you are a great Dad.
Things will change.
Good luck
Cat
Southern_Belle
15-06-06, 17:38
Joe,
I did respond to your ativan question post. I have had anxiety problems since childhood so I can't relate to it starting suddenly. I too am afraid of flying but still do it. I am also a mother of 2 boys and anxiety runs in my family also on my father's side of the family. I think you are doing the right think by reading up on the subject so you can understand anxiety. Do not worry that you will not be a good Dad and by no means will you end up in a nut house!
Bel
"Our thoughts are our reality"
You all have some very good stories and info. Perhaps since I am not suffering from panic attacks, that Ativan is not my answer? What I'm suffering is just the "thought" of anxiety of panic, and the uneaseness that comes with it. From what my Mom has told me and from what I have read, Ativan is to be taken as needed when a anxiety/panic attack surfaces. Is anyone taking medication to clear there mind?
Thanks!!
Joe [8D]
Hey There.
Your best bet is to talk to the doctor about the activan. I too was undergoing constant feelings of anxiety (except I did have panic thrown in) The thing is you don't want to be jumping around from medication to medication like I did. I started on xanax then they put me on lexapro (which actually made me worse because it added suicidal thoughts on top of everything else) He then switched me to clonazapam and to efflecerXR Then I decided I didn't want meds period and quit cold turkey all because on the last 2 meds I read the side effects and searched for and found horror stories on the internet. . Let me tell you, that made things sooooo much work....Take your general feeling of uneasiness and put it in a full blown panic attack and make it 24/7.....not fun at all. On top of that the shock on my system caused other health problems. It may not always seem like it at the time but the doctor does know best
worrying is alot Like a Rocking Chair It is something todo but it won't get you anywhere
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