Bigmorts
16-01-12, 21:59
The story so far
Mid September 2011
Stressful time at work since the start of the year. Many factors – increased workload, difficult office environment due to bad vibes between colleagues, lots of backstabbing and comments. I am usually quite a laid back person and have kept my feelings to myself. The opportunity to speak with the manager became my platform to speak about my feelings towards these problems. Later that evening I experienced a panic attack, increased breathing, muscle twitches. Over the next couple of weeks I was in and out of work. I experienced another attack this time whilst at work. I started to feel unwell so left to drive home and experienced increased breathing again with tingling and sweating. Lasted a few hours and felt very scared.
In October I felt like I was starting to come to terms with this blip that I had never experienced before. I attended a course in London about team management and dealing with difficult people. I thought this would help me but I again felt unwell and had to leave early. On the way back to Kent I had a major panic attack on the train. I honestly felt like I was going to die and think I went semi conscious for a few minutes. My whole body locked up and I couldn’t move.
From this point on I have lived in fear of this episode. I was not myself and constantly anxious. I lost close to 2 stone through being unable to eat. I have been prescribed Citalopram and started on 10mg in November. In the early stages I was off work and in total I was off work for 5 weeks from the panic attack to the start of December. Being the route of the anxiety I was very anxious to go to the workplace but managed to make the first move and return to work on a part time basis
I juggled the Cit with Diazepam as needed. After the 10mg was not doing its job I increased to 20mg but felt terrible. Really spaced out feeling, felt unable to function. I dropped down to 15mg for a week or so and then increased to 20mg again same symptoms but not as bad. I have pretty much suffered from most of the symptoms on the info sheet. I have struggled with the Citalopram from the start but have persevered, as I know it takes time to start. Throughout December I was on 20mg and gradually started to feel great. Most days were good days and very few instances where I needed to use Diazepam. Leading up to Christmas the effects started to wear off. I had finished a course of CBT and was using the techniques to try and control any anxious moments. I went to the doctor to see about increasing my dose to 30mg. This was all agreed and I started but again felt the side effects hard so to make Christmas good I decided to wait a bit to increase, Bad move as I felt worse after a few days of 30mg Citalopram dropping to 20mg. I felt the same as the initial increase from 10-20mg. After consideration I felt that maybe Citalopram wasn’t for me and spoke to the doctor again about coming off but this required me to taper off. After a few days I thought to myself that I cannot go back to the wreck I was before the medication and I didn’t want to waste the 3 months of battling Citalopram to give up so I have since been on the 30mg dose for 2 weeks now and every day is still hell but improving. I still get major dizzy spells and a lot of anxiety. I think I have also got a little health anxiety too. I think the main thing for me at the moment is that I have taken a step back and this is making me really low. I get upset that this makes me more upset as I do not want to get depressed. I have a lovely wife and 2 small children and I couldn’t imagine life without them. They spur me on to be positive about things but I can’t help feeling useless and alone with what I am coping with, Side effects and Anxiety/Panic. I have not had a panic attack like I did in October since so this is a good thing but all the feelings lead me to remembering the situation on that day and this makes me worse.
I don’t know what to do anymore? Do I stick out the Citalopram? I think part of the side effects are my anxiety but I also think they are side effects too. Is my dose to high or too low? Should I be coming off it altogether to see if I need it or to see if something else works better? Can I stop taking Cit 1 day and start something else the next or do I have to taper off? Im not sure I can reduce my citalopram due to the anxiety.
I have been prescribed some beta blockers but im scared to take them as I have a steady heart beat anyway and my blood pressure is fine. I don’t want to have the symptoms of a slow heart as well as everything else. Anyone got any experience of this or am I being silly?
Any help woukld be appreciated. sorry its a long post
Adam
Mid September 2011
Stressful time at work since the start of the year. Many factors – increased workload, difficult office environment due to bad vibes between colleagues, lots of backstabbing and comments. I am usually quite a laid back person and have kept my feelings to myself. The opportunity to speak with the manager became my platform to speak about my feelings towards these problems. Later that evening I experienced a panic attack, increased breathing, muscle twitches. Over the next couple of weeks I was in and out of work. I experienced another attack this time whilst at work. I started to feel unwell so left to drive home and experienced increased breathing again with tingling and sweating. Lasted a few hours and felt very scared.
In October I felt like I was starting to come to terms with this blip that I had never experienced before. I attended a course in London about team management and dealing with difficult people. I thought this would help me but I again felt unwell and had to leave early. On the way back to Kent I had a major panic attack on the train. I honestly felt like I was going to die and think I went semi conscious for a few minutes. My whole body locked up and I couldn’t move.
From this point on I have lived in fear of this episode. I was not myself and constantly anxious. I lost close to 2 stone through being unable to eat. I have been prescribed Citalopram and started on 10mg in November. In the early stages I was off work and in total I was off work for 5 weeks from the panic attack to the start of December. Being the route of the anxiety I was very anxious to go to the workplace but managed to make the first move and return to work on a part time basis
I juggled the Cit with Diazepam as needed. After the 10mg was not doing its job I increased to 20mg but felt terrible. Really spaced out feeling, felt unable to function. I dropped down to 15mg for a week or so and then increased to 20mg again same symptoms but not as bad. I have pretty much suffered from most of the symptoms on the info sheet. I have struggled with the Citalopram from the start but have persevered, as I know it takes time to start. Throughout December I was on 20mg and gradually started to feel great. Most days were good days and very few instances where I needed to use Diazepam. Leading up to Christmas the effects started to wear off. I had finished a course of CBT and was using the techniques to try and control any anxious moments. I went to the doctor to see about increasing my dose to 30mg. This was all agreed and I started but again felt the side effects hard so to make Christmas good I decided to wait a bit to increase, Bad move as I felt worse after a few days of 30mg Citalopram dropping to 20mg. I felt the same as the initial increase from 10-20mg. After consideration I felt that maybe Citalopram wasn’t for me and spoke to the doctor again about coming off but this required me to taper off. After a few days I thought to myself that I cannot go back to the wreck I was before the medication and I didn’t want to waste the 3 months of battling Citalopram to give up so I have since been on the 30mg dose for 2 weeks now and every day is still hell but improving. I still get major dizzy spells and a lot of anxiety. I think I have also got a little health anxiety too. I think the main thing for me at the moment is that I have taken a step back and this is making me really low. I get upset that this makes me more upset as I do not want to get depressed. I have a lovely wife and 2 small children and I couldn’t imagine life without them. They spur me on to be positive about things but I can’t help feeling useless and alone with what I am coping with, Side effects and Anxiety/Panic. I have not had a panic attack like I did in October since so this is a good thing but all the feelings lead me to remembering the situation on that day and this makes me worse.
I don’t know what to do anymore? Do I stick out the Citalopram? I think part of the side effects are my anxiety but I also think they are side effects too. Is my dose to high or too low? Should I be coming off it altogether to see if I need it or to see if something else works better? Can I stop taking Cit 1 day and start something else the next or do I have to taper off? Im not sure I can reduce my citalopram due to the anxiety.
I have been prescribed some beta blockers but im scared to take them as I have a steady heart beat anyway and my blood pressure is fine. I don’t want to have the symptoms of a slow heart as well as everything else. Anyone got any experience of this or am I being silly?
Any help woukld be appreciated. sorry its a long post
Adam