I don't think I can carry on working - what do I do?

[miss_t]

Title is self explanatory really :o(

I only work part time, but I am finding it so difficult. I feel such a failure.

I don't really enjoy my job anymore anyway which I guess doesn't help, and I have taken a lot of time off sick - mostly due to actually being unwell as I get bad migraines, but also because of my anxiety related to my phobia (emetophobia).

I feel very much like I'm a spare part there and also like I'm letting the other members of my team down, as they have to pick up the slack when I'm not there.
Also, we have monthly meetings at a different location which I really struggle with. They are at a hospital, in a portacabin, with lots of people sat round a table. I relly can't cope with that.

I get panic attacks most days that I'm there and honestly, my mind isn't 100% on my job.

I have told my team leader that my anxiety and panic are increasing, and have been excused from the monthly meetings for a couple of months, but not indefinately.

I really feel like the daily work anxiety is affecting my anxiety levels all the time, which can't be good.

I'm waiting for a telephone consultation with the mental health team tomorrow.

So what do I do? What options do I have? I'm worried that they will get fed up with me and just sack me anyway, obviously I don't want that.

Any advice much appreciated x

[CONS]

They wont sack you, its a touchy subject and they dont want the hassle.

Your options are what you already know.

Your health has to come first but without pushing past your own boundaries and giving in it also fuels the anxiety. Forget what others might think, easier said than done but nonetheless very important. People around you for the most part wont understand what you are going through anyway. If the job is the problem in terms of boredom and lacking the drive to enjoy it then that IS a good reason for leaving IMO

Its usually a sacrifice of time Vs money - rarely will you get enough of both

If you do leave, be aware that it is very easy to shell up and think "I cant, dont, wont" when it comes to other day to things and that is very dangerous.

Most people who have anxiety cant work, and look forward to the day they return, yours in a way is a backwards step.

BUT the most important 2 aspects from what I have read are:

1. You have to protect your health.
2. You need to work in a job that you enjoy.

Good luck - both decisions are tough ones, such is life, right?

[Stormsky]

hi
I was temping at the council , 8 month contract, but while there i decided to come off my meds, and anxiety got so bad, i just couldnt stay... i couldnt concentrate, couldnt do the job properly.. i did finish the contract, but they had asked me to stay on, but i had to leave.... i totally get where you are coming from, but jobs are hard to come by, and im now been home for 8wks... working is a good distraction and its good to keep in a routine... but you have to do what feels best for you, i felt i had to leave at the time... but wish to a degree i had tried to hang on in there...

[miss_t]

Thanks both of you :)

I know what you mean about giving in to the anxiety. I don't want to and feel a failure for even thinking about it. Financially I don't know how I would manage if I did leave.

But I feel very guilty for taking time off. I wasn't in today for example, as I had a migraine which started last night. I went back to bed at 9am and slept til 2pm but it was still there.

I am thinking of seeing the GP and asking him to change my medication - citalopram 10mg a day. I know it's a low dose but I've tried to increase it and ended up feeling awful. I've been on it a while and it just seems like it's not helping any more.

Would it be reasonable to see my Gp, get my meds changed and get signed off for a couple of weeks to adjust?

[Stormsky]

yes get the doc to sign you off if you feel you need time to adjust meds, your work cannot get rid of you because of all this..dont worry about them, just concentrate on yourself...

[CONS]

Appliances fail, people just gain experience.

Try not to say those phrases and terms that give bad feeling or help you lose value.

Guilty for time off?

Pish!

Do what is right for you, you look through your eyes everyday, this is your world.

[william wallace]

Hi MissT.
You can go sick until they have had enough and make you redundant. They cant make you redundant because of your mental health issues, so they will invent something to get rid of you. They will have to give you a £££ package because they know that a tribunal would crucify them. You should get enough to tide you over for a few months until you get your shit together:)

CONS, I really like the terminology "Pish", it's very Scottish. In Scotland, pish can come in a pile ie: "thats a pile o pish", "A load o pish", "Yer full o pish", "Yer full o wind and pish", "pish" great word to describe anything thats pish:D

[jaded jean]

Never Feel guilty of how you feel MissT. I was off for 8 months. I was in bed for the 1st month too-lost 3 stones. It Is bad a t the begining I will admit but all I can say is get yourself to the doctors and see if you can identify what or where the problem lies and then up your meds- if you do up therm -yes you will feel like crap It took me a few months to get used to taking Cit.
I found myself going home sick from being a full time retirement scheme manager to going back being a part time community warden -not thru my own doing but on that note it was the best thing that happenend to me . I am still at work after 2 years now -each day is different but meet it head on . As Cons knows I lost my mum last month and then a school friend I had known for 47 years passed 2 weeks ago so with that in the mix its bloody hard but you keep going and you keep focussed -you need to have something to focus on as it helps your recovery,
Take care .
Jean