View Full Version : Abortion- so scared
candicemarie88
17-01-12, 21:11
I am really stressed and upset about my current situation. I am looking for some help and advice, so if you have any I’d be really grateful if you could share it.
I recently realised I had missed two of my periods, I feel stupid that I didn’t notice earlier, but I have been under so much stress recently and haven’t been myself for a number of months due to my ex-partner of 4 years breaking up with me. I visited my doctor and told her I’d missed a couple of periods but thought it was just stress messing with my cycle, however, I took a pregnancy test just incase, and it was positive. I was so shocked and began having a panic attack I didn’t know what to do at the time, so I left and arranged to go back in a few days time.
Due to personal reasons and the father not wanting to be involved I decided an abortion is my only option. I know I will feel so guilty afterwards and probably never forget this, but right now I cannot support a child alone, and I don't feel ready to become a parent.
I went for my initial consultation and scan at a women’s clinic on Monday. I was expecting to be around 8-10 weeks pregnant, but it turns out I am just over 15 weeks. I was so shocked I didn’t know what to do or say. what the nurse said to me was a complete blur and the only things I did take in and remember are the risks involved with a surgical procedure.
I feel terrible about all of this because I didn’t plan it to happen and I had no symptoms apart from the missed periods. I am kicking myself for not realising I had missed them, but I have been extremely stressed due to university deadlines that I haven’t been able to focus on much.
I am due to have the abortion next Wednesday, which I just wanted to get out of the way asap, but I have to wait so long and I cannot control my anxiety at the moment. I am so, so, so scared. I read through the booklet they gave me and it lists all the risks involved. I have never had an operation before and am scared of the general anaesthetic, I am even more scared about the procedure itself. The tubes and sharp instruments and then the risks, death, emergency life-saving surgery, removal of the womb, damage to cervix, infertility.
I have been in tears most of the day worrying about this and hating myself for not realising a lot sooner. The nurse also said I’m at higher risk of complications because of my weeks. The thought of this whole thing is scaring me to death and I can’t stop panicking. I have no one to talk to about this and I am so down and scared. I have also been researching termination risks on-line and getting even more worked up about it.
Has anyone else had a later abortion using this method? I'm worried things will go wrong for me and I can't calm down or rid these thoughts.
Please don’t judge me, it's a very upsetting time for me atm, but this is the right thing for me at this moment in my life.
They have to tell you the risks to cover their own backs- incase something went wrong then you can't clain they didnt tell you. its their way of protecting there selves. lots and lots of women have had this done before you and the advannce in technology means it is even safer than it ever has been. try not to worry to much- must be a very hard/upsetting time for you x hope all goes ok for you.
hi
No one would judge you.. its a horrible time you are going through... can you not talk to friends or family?? is there no one? :hugs:
happycarrot
17-01-12, 21:56
Abortion is a type of surgery, and any surgery does have risks. Anytime you have surgery, they have to tell you what all of the possible risks are. However, the chances of things actually going wrong is small. In reality, lots of women have abortions every day and most of them have no complications at all. You have to take the things you read online with a grain of salt as there really is a lot of misinformation about abortion out there, and a lot of it is meant to be scary. I'd recommend trying not to google it at all, and call the clinic if you have questions instead. Remember that with the proper medical care, abortion is one of the safest procedures there is, even safer than giving birth. Anesthesia can be a really scary thought--I know that when I had surgery I was screaming and crying right up until they knocked me out! It really is very safe though.
Just a thought. I am not giving you advice either way, and I am sure that you will be fine, but you said that you are not ready to become a parent, but at the same time you know that you will feel guilty as well. May I ask if you have thought of adoption? I know that you would have to carry the baby for a while longer, but there are many people out there who cannot have children and would love to adopt a baby. Do you think that you should meet someone to discuss all the options before the procedure?
This way you would know that you explored all options before making a final decision, and in the long run would know that you did not rush into the decision and will be more at peace with whatever you decide.
Sorry but how could you kill a baby? I'm 36 weeks pregnant now and by time I was 16 weeks I could feel her rumbling about in my stomach and the fact they are fully formed by 12 weeks. I just find it crazy.
No one is ever ready for a baby I wasn't but I wouldn't murder a human being because of my 'fears'.
The only time I agree with abortion is if it's for medical reasons such as the baby's severely disabled.
Why worry about infertility seriously? If your willing to kill a baby now why should you get another chance again later on in life..
If my partner wouldn't of been there for me I wouldn't of been fussed because EVERYONE copes when they have to.
But I guess if that's what you want to do then you have to take the risks hand in hand with what your having done. Most go fine and have no complications.
Sorry if my post seemed harsh but after seeing people suffering years of infertility and failed IVF,miscarriages etc it winds me up! And the fact the little human inside of you is all comfy in you and people rip them out like their just garbage.
Honestly Katie that was not necessary. I too am pregnant, and 32 weeks but she didn't need opinions, she needed support!
Shame on you!
So what it's sick! Oh I know I'l give birth in four weeks and just kill my child because that's okay?
Get off your self-righteous soapbox it's annoying and unfair!!
Why because I don't support abortions?. Who does...
Ha it's ridiculous you can't post a thread like this and expect someone to not have an opinion like mine :shrug:
nomorepanic
18-01-12, 01:28
Abortion is always going to be a sensitive subject and I didn't reply earlier as I have my own views on it so felt I would not contribute anything constructive by posting.
I really think that Candice needs to take up the professional advice and support they offer when you go for a termination and not post on an anxiety forum as it is bound to cause friction and upset and differing opinions.
NMP is probably not the best place to ask for advice about this because of the sensitive nature of the subject and tbe sensitive nature of the members.
Candice - please do go and see the counsellor that I am sure they offer you when you elect for this procedure.
Members - please try and see this from both sides even though I know how emotive the subject is.
Oh no I fully expect a self-righteous holier than thou opinion to come out of this thread. It's a shame that you can't see the pain that this girl is going through- and even more shameful of you to judge her for it. Now go pray for her and for me while you're at it! I don't support your disgusting comments and judgmental attitude.
I am a mother of 3- soon to be 4 and I am in no position to judge. Shame on you! You make me SICK!
oh we expect those opinions, we just don't want to hear them.
Why does no one want to hear them because they can't face the fact that it's true. And we should all just tip-toe around people?
At the end of the day if she didn't want to risk getting pregnant she shouldn't have had un-safe sex or sex at all for that matter as there is always a risk!
Ha I make you sick .People that make me sick are people that condole abortions!
It's just selfishness on their side.
nomorepanic
18-01-12, 01:36
Come on people let's keep this friendly ok or I will have to close it and I need to go to bed soon !!
Honey, I am so sorry you are going through this. I personally could not do it. Being a parent is the most amazing thing anyone will ever do and accomplish. And you will not understand it until that happens. My son is 4 (and before him I thought about tying my tubes) and he is my world. You're decision is yours and yours alone, but if you do decide to keep it, you will find a way. It's undescibable. You can do it without the father...
Again, your decision is yours, but you have to live with that forever. Can you do that?
Go thump a bible and pray for us sinners. I don't condone anything- but I do support a member who is in pain. You should try it, after all it's what this site is supposed to be about!
Katie,
Just because you dont agree with abortions. doesnt mean you have the right to judge someone else!!!
It is damn right cruel how you have handled this, you dont know anything about the poor girl!!! I have 2 beautiful children, and I may not agree with somethings but I certainly would not judge someone on their decision!!
she needed support she was brave to come on here and ask in the first place!!
Harsh ur comments were absolutely despicbale!! this website is meant for people to help each other not JUDGE & MAKE THEM FEEL WORSE!!!
I'm not religious so stereotyping much? :wacko:
I just don't agree with them as many others don't.
I support on this site when it comes to mental health not abortions etc.
I forgot to add too, have you thought about adoption. It takes an amazing person to do that too. My cousin has been waiting for her son in Korea for a year and a 1/2...to give a gift like that is unimaginable - you could answer someones prayers.
no it is not 'true' it is your opinion. Probably best its closed anyway since some people have to get on their high horses.
I'm getting fed up of seeing disgusting attitudes in this place.
it's very easy to condemn when its not something that's bothering you yourself, and I am not just referring to this thread.
I have nothing more to say to you Katie. You better hope one day you're not in desperate need and find yourself facing the words that you gave this poor girl!
I wish the original poster the best of luck in her decision- it honestly has to be the hardest one to make. :hugs:
I don't agree with abortions at all, not that I know you or anything and you sound like a nice person but if you didn't use protection then you have to face the consequences. At the end of the day you are killing a baby do you know what a baby looks like at 15 weeks it has devloped legs arms and all features. It can start to feel has started to devloped hair. Yeah you have a career and I can understand that and there are other options such as adoption. In my opinion its murder and I think you will regret in later life. If your not ready fair enough but there are other options. Like someone said many people cannot have children and would love to be in your shoes. Sorry for my little rant I just think aborting a baby is disgusting if its not for health reasons espeially at 15 weeks. In one more week there is a possibility that the baby will start kicking. Me and my partner have been trying for 3 months now with no success and I am only 20 we have our own house and jobs so we're resposonsible adults and its what we want which is why I know a little about pregnancy being a man. Seriously think about this because it could change the course of your whole life.
Good luck and make the right decision.
Harry. X
nomorepanic
18-01-12, 01:52
Candice did not say she had unprotected sex in her post so it could have been an accident or unfortunate that she was one of those that can get pregnant using contraception.
I think we are now making her feel worse about things so I am going to close this post
nomorepanic
18-01-12, 01:54
closing
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