Performance anxiety

[Blotchy Girl]

So, basically I am fine until I am asked to do something in front of other people. Anything. Reading, pouring a glass of water, and even writing. I choke up and can't breathe when I have to speak in front of others. Literally can't talk. It's quite embarrassing. If I have to use my hands like with writing they start to get very shaky and my heart starts racing. Then to top it off, since these things trigger a panic attack, my entire neck and chest become covered in big red splotches. People always ask if im having an allergic reaction, which triggers more panic. I'm fine talking with people and in group but ad soon as everyones eyes are on me, I panic. Performance anxiety? I don't know why. This started when I was 15. I have tried every drug out there and the best thing that could stop it was ativan, but it is addicting. I currently take valium for back pain (recently had a lumbar fusion) and these help with the anxiety but I wish this would just go away. I am scared to apply for newer positions at work because heaven forbid I had to give a 'talk' to a group or something. Panic disorders really can be debilitating. Well, if anyone gets blotchy and has a solution, or has questions about anxiety meds, feel free to contact me! :) Thanks for listening.

[theharvestmouse]

Have you been to your doctor to explain the situation?

[Blotchy Girl]

Oh yes, a few different doctors. I worked on a psych hospital inpatient units for years. I know all about it. It is a silly irrational fear. They say it is panic disorder. That is why I have tried so many medications.. I know what caused it, or I think I do and this is part psychological and part physiology. Doctors aren't sure what to do about it either and keep experimenting with new meds. The thing is though, I want to have children soon and can't take even zoloft without huge risks. I loved being in front of crowds as a child. I would volunteer to give an oral report vs writing one up for a class in high school. I miss that part of me. I think I could be a great public speaker. If I could talk/breathe...

[theharvestmouse]

Don't know what to suggest then? You tried hypnosis?

[Blotchy Girl]

Only the ones you can download as an app. They calm me at the time I'm listening but can't really stick my ear buds in during a panic attack lol

[theharvestmouse]

I mean like going to get hypnosis treatment as a course, that may help you over your problem long term. Rather than as an instant treatment. I've heard that it helps some people, I did have hypnosis but it did not do anything for me.

[Blotchy Girl]

Actually that doesn't sound like a bad idea. Thanks :)