Advice/Help needed

[Chillihead]

Hello
I'm new to this forum and after reading many posts on here I thought it would be better for me to ask for some advice. Just before Xmas I had been feeling very down and tired, my wife's partners family had organised a big Xmas do in a lovely house for a week. A couple of days just before Xmas my niece ran into the front room naked (she is 5) and it made me feel uncomfortable and then I started asking myself why did it make me feel uncomfortable and was I a paedophille. Since then it has just snowballed and I've had the worst 3 weeks of my life. Every time I see a child in the street or on tv I get anxious and horrible thoughts and images get in my head which I hate. I've always fancied women so much but since this has happened I don't get the same feeling. I've told my doctor this and he has put me on 20mg of citalopram. The first week was horrible but I stuck it out and I do feel better but I can't get my mind to stop thinking these horrible things. I worry that I won't get back to how I used to feel. I've never thought of kids this way. I do know I'm not a paedophille but I don't understand why the thoughts don't go. I've also started Cbt which hasn't done much so far. Any advice would be a great help and thanks for your time

[Stormsky]

These thoughts are so terrible and scary, because they are the complete opposite of what we are... they wouldnt shock us so badly otherwise... If you liked these type of thoughts, then you wouldnt feel so bad... they are all apart of anxiety... for me i kept getting thoughts of harming my family/pets... made me physically sick... this is because i cant even harm a fly, let alone loved ones... and which is why it affected me so, because it is the complete opposite of the person i am.... the thoughts dont go away because of the importance weve given to them, they shocked us so bad, thats why they linger and come back... you are not a paedohille, farest from it infact.. Dont try fighting the thoughts, the more you fight the more they come...Let them come, and say to them that actually you are nothing like that and dont let them scare you.... i say to them, ' i love my family, i couldnt live without them, so I KNOW i will never harm them'... the thoughts have died off now, because i let them in, i rationalised with them that its not what im about, not what id ever do... and therefore they now how no power...

[Jaco45er]

Hi Chill and welcome.

I would say you have OCD (possibly), as OCD can also give you intrusive thoughts about all different kinds of things, and usually very distressing to the sufferer because the thoughts are so alien and un-natural to the sufferer.

I have seen people post similiar post to yours, or fear of the thoughts that the may want to hurt their children etc etc.

I used to get thoughts about being in a car crash or getting a terminal illness, or my family being hurt in a RTA for example, and found myself having to touch wood 3 times (among other ritchuals) everytime I would get a thought about death to me or a loved one.

The fact that the thoughts distress you, kinda should be a comfort, because you are repelling them (which causes the stress), if they didn't cause you distress well that would be a problem.

I have never done CBT, but I hear great things about it, and I know it takes time and takes work on your part too, so I would stick with it, and discuss your fears/thoughts with your practitioner.

TC

Jaco

---------- Post added at 13:18 ---------- Previous post was at 13:16 ----------

Ooops sorry must have been replying at the same time as Stormsky, totally agree with that reply too :)

[clc]

If you look in the OCD thread this is a very common problem. I too suffer from intrusive thoughts and am on Citalopram. So far they haven't got rid of the thoughts. (mine are about doing something impulsive and killing myself) but I do feel like I am starting to rationalise. The CBT should help and the thoughts eventually do pass .

[Chillihead]

Thanks for the replies so far guys, it's a big help knowing people are going through similar things! How long have you been taking citalopram for? I've just past the 2 week point

[clc]

4 weeks but have only been on 20mg for around 12 days as I started on 10. My therapist has diagnosed me withOCD thinking so I'm goin to mention this to my doctor on Friday because I know OCD usually needs a bigger dose. I dont have any rituals that I carry out though it is litrally obsessing over my thoughts. I think CBT is the key and trying to think more positively and ignore the thoughts.

Like someone said above people like us have these thoughts because we would never carry them out.

[theharvestmouse]

Chillihead, this is discussed on here a lot, its quite common, I've had odd and weird intrusive thoughts myself, its a horrible thing to have to deal with. My thoughts have reduced a little since being on Citalopram, and doing CBT.

The way I deal with the thoughts are to just think, ok its a thought but it does not mean anything. Our brain can think all kinds of thoughts, it does not mean that we will act on them.

As others have said, your reaction to the thoughts means you are not happy with them and they are not true thoughts.

[Chillihead]

The thing that scares me the most is the thought of not getting back to how I was! I keep getting a lot of doubt in my mind, like it's telling me I do enjoy it even though I know I don't, it's so frustrating

[Stormsky]

just remember they are thoughts, not instructions...

[cluesforblues]

hi i would say that the fact these thoughts scare you is the most important thing.
THE THOUGHT OF SUCH PEOPLE OBVIOUSLY REPULSES YOU AND I THINK WITH ANXIETY WE IMAGINE EVERY ONE BEING DISGUSTED WITH US FOR SOME REASON OR THE OTHER.... sorry caps lock!
Its the nature of the beast alot of people feel uncomfortable in that situation because of the way society is today.
I think your anxiety has grabbed onto something that truly upsets you. it has become aware of how people think of those monsters that lurk in our society and you have somehow attached yourself to that stigma. its the repulsion you feel that is fuelling your anxiety. Try and refocus your thoughts Citalopram will help with obsessive thoughts I suffer from health anxiety and they have been a godsend to me. Hang in there.

[clc]

Hi clearstreamblue. How long before the cit started to kick in?

[Chillihead]

Is it normal for me to second guess myself, like i know i dont want that but my mind tells me i do, i presume that its just the anxiety being mean to me!

[clc]

Yep it's the anxiety! it's called pure O OCD although there is just speculation that infact it is just normal OCD. It's called the doubting disease because it makes you doubt your beliefs! I am at the stage where im saying what if im just using the OCD as an excuse! Its hard work. Hopefully the cit will kick in soon and we can get rid of these thoughts!

[Chillihead]

There's nothing I want more than for these thoughts to be gone, I'm struggling to cope today which sucks. I'm hoping the reason I feel crap is because it's still early days with the citalopram but I'm not sure this can happen. Do people have much success with medication. Hope you all have a good day

[natalier]

Don't feel guilty or bad because these are not your true thoughts... the reason they don't go away is because you are listening to them, acknowledging that they are there, even if you don;t want to. everytime it slightly comes into your head, you have to distract yourself and send the thought straight out! your brain has to learn to not think these thoughts anymore, and get anxious! It will do, it is just a slow learner and needs lots of repetition! You are probably not attracted to people so much because you are either a lilttle depressed (which makes us loss sex drive) or because you are putting so much time and effort into these thoughts, your brain doesnt have time to think of sexual desires for women, so don;t worry they will come back!

[Chillihead]

Thanks for your replies everyone, I've found this site a great help. When things like this happen we all think we're alone but were not, I'm time everything will get better. We just need to believe and work hard at it. You can probably tell I'm feeling better today, I'm taking one day at a time but I'll get there.