Di
13-06-06, 19:24
Hi just found this great site today and I've not been able to stop reading all your posts, at least I know I'm not alone.
I was born with a fairly mild form of Spinabifida, had an operation when i was 2 and apart from having one foot size 1 and a half which is partially paralyzed and the other a size 3 which is fine I've managed walking pretty well, however I find that I get real anxiety attacks and panic when I go out on my own.
I've been like it on and off for years, sometimes it goes away just when I'm not expecting it, but been like it for 12 months or so this time. I hate walking to work, I do it but feel everyone watching me, in particular the way I walk (my husband didn't even notice my limp when we first met) if I see a group of people when I'm walking I very often stop and pretend to find something in my bag until they go by because I don't want them watching me.
I even imagine my neighbors are looking out the window when I leave home every day watching me cross the road and saying 'there she goes again'. As if they've got nothing better to do than watch me every morning lol. I've put on weight and feel they've noticed that too, why do I worry so much about what people think of me?
I've been avoiding walking to town, I get worried that I'm going to have a fall, I have had a few falls, nothing serious but the foot that doesn't have a lot of feeling in tends to catch the pavement sometimes and I trip up. Of course this makes me even more anxious and sometimes my foot goes into a sort of spasm and twists, it will only go back when I relax.
When I'm feeling really anxious I get the light headidness shakey and lose my balance. I do nervous going to parties and meeting people although I'm not really shy, I love having fun, but happier with people I know, I still go to parties and meals out though because once I'm there I'm ok as long as I'm sitting, I start to sway a bit if I'm anxious until I relax with a glass or two then I'm fine, even the balance problem improves then lol.
Strangely enough although I hate this problem and desperately want to get better I'm not feeling depressed, other than this I've got lots of great things going on in my life, the best one is I'm going to be a granny in August so really want to be able to go out and push the pram. At least I'll have something to cling on to, bit like the shopping trolley at the supermarket.
Sorry this is so long, I only intended to say hi.
Look forward to getting to know you all.
Di
I was born with a fairly mild form of Spinabifida, had an operation when i was 2 and apart from having one foot size 1 and a half which is partially paralyzed and the other a size 3 which is fine I've managed walking pretty well, however I find that I get real anxiety attacks and panic when I go out on my own.
I've been like it on and off for years, sometimes it goes away just when I'm not expecting it, but been like it for 12 months or so this time. I hate walking to work, I do it but feel everyone watching me, in particular the way I walk (my husband didn't even notice my limp when we first met) if I see a group of people when I'm walking I very often stop and pretend to find something in my bag until they go by because I don't want them watching me.
I even imagine my neighbors are looking out the window when I leave home every day watching me cross the road and saying 'there she goes again'. As if they've got nothing better to do than watch me every morning lol. I've put on weight and feel they've noticed that too, why do I worry so much about what people think of me?
I've been avoiding walking to town, I get worried that I'm going to have a fall, I have had a few falls, nothing serious but the foot that doesn't have a lot of feeling in tends to catch the pavement sometimes and I trip up. Of course this makes me even more anxious and sometimes my foot goes into a sort of spasm and twists, it will only go back when I relax.
When I'm feeling really anxious I get the light headidness shakey and lose my balance. I do nervous going to parties and meeting people although I'm not really shy, I love having fun, but happier with people I know, I still go to parties and meals out though because once I'm there I'm ok as long as I'm sitting, I start to sway a bit if I'm anxious until I relax with a glass or two then I'm fine, even the balance problem improves then lol.
Strangely enough although I hate this problem and desperately want to get better I'm not feeling depressed, other than this I've got lots of great things going on in my life, the best one is I'm going to be a granny in August so really want to be able to go out and push the pram. At least I'll have something to cling on to, bit like the shopping trolley at the supermarket.
Sorry this is so long, I only intended to say hi.
Look forward to getting to know you all.
Di