I could really use some support, please.

[tiddleypom]

Hi everyone. Ok, so, I've been suffering from panic disorder for around 7 years now. I'd finally realised that the only way I was going to get rid of them was exposure. I managed to take a trip at New Year on my own for 2 days - got on a train and everything. This gave me confidence that I could beat this thing.

Then, yesterday, I decided to go into town (a big scary thing for me). I asked my mum to go with me because she's a "safe person". We got the train in, which only takes 10 minutes and I decided I'd go to one shop then come home. I was so excited in the morning about how good I was going to feel about myself when I came back.

About 3 minutes into the train ride, the first wave of panic hit me. I stuck it out, stayed on till town, but the panic kept coming in wave after wave. I made it to the shop, bought something, but still the panic kept coming. I kept trying to tell myself that this was what I needed to do to get better, it couldn't hurt me, the horrible thoughts were just panic lies, etc. Nothing seemed to work.

I couldn't get back on the train to go home, decided to walk for a while (my mum was great through the whole thing). Usually walking makes it stop. But it didn't. Eventually, I got so bad that I gave in and took a Valium, but even that didn't work when it usually does. We ended up hailing a taxi and spending a fortune to get home. But even when I got home, I couldn't calm down. I just had attack after attack until I finally got to sleep at about 4am.

Today, I'm scared and shaky and I feel so alone and helpless. All the things that usually work didn't and that terrifies me. Like there's no escape. I felt like I was making real strides and now I'm back to square one, scared to leave the house, scared not to leave the house, scared of everything. I keep thinking that this will be my life now and I'll just keep having days like this. I don't think I can cope with that.

Can anyone help me to be a bit more rational and less scared please?

[juanne]

Hi - firstly a great big hug - cos i think you need and deserve one.

Wish i could say something to make it all better... panic / anxiety is the pits - you know what though - you really did good getting up, out of the door, on the train into town and into a shop ... all this and feeling really awful... you shd be proud of yourself ... and look how well you did at New Year, thats a massive achievement...

Im sure im not being any help, but Im trying :) maybe yesterday was just a blip - goodness we all have those, and we are allowed them surely... I totally understand and its horrible that you feel so scared of everything and are so anxious today... I feel a little that way today myself ... woke up like it for no reason... Ive cried, got angry, cried again, now i wont go out .... im shaking inside (if you know what i mean) feel scared of living almost.. if that makes sense :shrug:

I dont know what to say to help you feel less scared, thing is Ive wasted most of my life being scared of something or other, and you know what i would say its a total wasted emotion, and as you know doesnt make for a very happy life. I try to talk myself out of it, try hard to rationalise things, like asking myself "what is the worst that can happen" ... sorry im rambling and not really helping.. I wish i could wave a magic wand and help you, cos i know what its like.

You sound like you have a lovely supportive Mum which is great. I hope you begin to feel calmer and more rested during the day. Sending you :hugs: and support.

[Wuboo]

I understand exactly how you feel and think it's excellent you took a step in getting things done.

Yesterday I went on the train to meet my sister the other end and I missed the train and thought "Oh my God, I've gotta stick around for another hour, what am I going to do if I panic or get a vertigo attack". I thought about positive things, meeting my sister and my mum, being back at home chilled out watching TV with my son and partner. Then today I started feeling anxious and tried to think of those positive things that help me out and it didn't seem to work. I MADE myself think about relaxing and being calm, imagining how good it feels to feel safe and calm.

Maybe try and give yourself good feelings and really try to feel them as if you were calm and relaxed. Nothing bad has happened to you, you are safe at home with people around you that can help you. Think how great it is relaxing in the bath or just chilling out on your bed or on the sofa, as I say really try to feel those feelings. It does help me.

[CONS]

Hi everyone. Ok, so, I've been suffering from panic disorder for around 7 years now. I'd finally realised that the only way I was going to get rid of them was exposure. I managed to take a trip at New Year on my own for 2 days - got on a train and everything. This gave me confidence that I could beat this thing.

Then, yesterday, I decided to go into town (a big scary thing for me). I asked my mum to go with me because she's a "safe person". We got the train in, which only takes 10 minutes and I decided I'd go to one shop then come home. I was so excited in the morning about how good I was going to feel about myself when I came back.

About 3 minutes into the train ride, the first wave of panic hit me. I stuck it out, stayed on till town, but the panic kept coming in wave after wave. I made it to the shop, bought something, but still the panic kept coming. I kept trying to tell myself that this was what I needed to do to get better, it couldn't hurt me, the horrible thoughts were just panic lies, etc. Nothing seemed to work.

I couldn't get back on the train to go home, decided to walk for a while (my mum was great through the whole thing). Usually walking makes it stop. But it didn't. Eventually, I got so bad that I gave in and took a Valium, but even that didn't work when it usually does. We ended up hailing a taxi and spending a fortune to get home. But even when I got home, I couldn't calm down. I just had attack after attack until I finally got to sleep at about 4am.

Today, I'm scared and shaky and I feel so alone and helpless. All the things that usually work didn't and that terrifies me. Like there's no escape. I felt like I was making real strides and now I'm back to square one, scared to leave the house, scared not to leave the house, scared of everything. I keep thinking that this will be my life now and I'll just keep having days like this. I don't think I can cope with that.

Can anyone help me to be a bit more rational and less scared please?

Just keep going, when you said "it wouldnt go" so you didnt get on the train, the panic won, again.

I beat mine by facing everything, from placing myself in awkward postions, by sitting down when outside and my urge is to get home quickly, by waiting in the dreaded line at the supermarket.

All of the "trapped" situations I could think of I went out to do.

This is no joke, get your life back, get on the train if its wave after wave or if its easier, also dont expect too much too quick, this thing has been a part of you for 7 years, both you and IT have a connection.

Start doing things on your own, smaller steps and build more, do something everyday and dont make excuses.

The reason Im being abrupt is that your so close, take it from someone who was contemplating assisted suicide because of it, the same someone who is makiing a success of his life and has 99% control back.

All the best.

[tiddleypom]

Thank you so much for your support and hugs, it helps :)

CONS, thank you for being "abrupt", I needed to hear that. I went out to the shop after I read your reply because I knew I couldn't let the panic have a bigger win than I gave it yesterday.

I'm still shaky and a bit bleurgh, but I'm feeling better than I did earlier.

[Stormsky]

we must not let the set back days overcome those great days we have... the good day memories are whats worth hanging on to, not the rubbish days...:)
you know the saying, you can receive 10 compliaments, and 1 insult, and the only thing you remember is the insult....

[quickman]

Hi mate,

Glad you went back for "round two". Proper panic attacks take a hell of a lot out of our bodies [hence the feeling next morning like you've just been hit by a mac truck...!!] The tactic here is to stock up on vitamins and minerals to replenish what was lost by the body going into 'jet engine' mode and super-consuming things in the panic attacks.

[tiddleypom]

Stormsky, you're so right. I should be focusing on the fact that I stayed on a train and went into a shop, not the icky stuff that came after. Thanks :)

ILikeTrains, I've taken a double dose of my multivitamin today and I'm not going near anything that even resembles junk food. Good advice!

[louis]

Dear Friend,
If someone has this junk in common then they have to be a friend. So i will send you a pat on the back and a little hey its me too. So lets think on the positive. You have a safe person and thats great. You are getting out in spite of panic and that is even better. I believe very strongly in encouragement. So get up on your feet. You know you can do that. And go out for a walk on your own. Just see how far you can get without that safe person. I would tell you anxiety goes away but it would be a lie. Anxiety is what keeps us from playing cards in the middle of the highway. It only means you have good sense. Now you need to unlearn the behavior that is making you panic. Somewhere in your life there is a trigger. Maybe like me more than one. Identify a trigger and you can work on it. Try sitting down while you are having panic and write a list of what you were just doing. A lot of this junk is subconsciously learned so it isnt easy to unlearn the unwanted behavior. Also, read up on what happens to you physically when your brain tells your body to go into fight or flight mode. This is a real thing that happens and the more you know about it the better off you will manage your anxiety.
Anxiety does not go away. I have anxiety attacks every week. Sometimes everyday. But the difference now is i manage the anxiety and do not allow it to ruin my day. If i can do it so can you!Write to me we will exchange e-mails. I like pen pals anyway.
Louis