Paranoid about boyfriend and his exes

[pinkcherryhearts]

My boyfriend told me lots of lies throughout our relationships, he also said 'he thinks about someone else when we have sex' and that he used to have great sex with his ex, all these lies have made me so paranoid, he said he was lying and he didn't mean to say those things but they are stuck in my head and ive fallen into deep depression over it, my confidence is so low, I hate myself, i feel really ugly, even though people have said I am beautiful, I never believe them, I constantly compare myself to my boyfriends exes even though I have never met them or even seen them, I always imagine they are so much more beautiful than me and that he still loves them. Ive become obsessed with trying to be better than them, I feel im always under pressure to compete in my career, sex and appearance,I always wonder if they have a better body or personality. Its really getting me down, I cry everyday, I imagine he is texting them or thinking about them, it has taken over my life, I know people will say I should leave him but I love him and find it difficult, I feel he is always comparing he always tells me that all his exes were professional with houses and cars and Im unemployed at the moment because of my anxiety and depression, I feel I have no hope in life and that he is up to something behind my back or we will bump into them in town or he will leave me for one of them and that im useless, I dont know how to get my confidence back and stop comparing myself to his exes.
:weep::weep::weep::weep:

[Stormsky]

So sorry to hear this.... I am going to say he is not the one for you... but i appreciate at this time this is not something you will do anything about.... Someone that loves you would;
1. support you through this anxious time, and not say anything to worry you.
2. would never talk about exes.
3. say things for effect, even if they are lies.
your anxiety makes you doubt everything, which is why you think he will leave you, that your not good enough... he is playing on that, and sounds to me like he must be insecure to be telling you how great his exes were, to make sure you feel grateful to have him....
He should be making you feel secure, not the opposite.... you are also probably scared to be alone, or feel you wont get anyone else if he ever left..which is what is seems to like you thinking that, gives him power.... However, you dont want to get into accusing him of these worries, i.e is he texting them etc...questioning him, as in the long run if you accuse him enough, he may feel he may as well be doing the things you accuse him of.... And someone that does go off, isnt worth it anyway... We cant make someone love us, we cant make someone stay with us... we have no control over those things... all we have control over is what we give, which is our love, understanding etc... and all we can hope is that we get it back in return...
I know you are not ready or strong enough to see this man for what he is, and i know you love him...but when you are stronger, you may see him through clearer vision eyes....
sorry if its not what you wanted to hear... xxxx

[mikewales]

If his exes were that amazing, then why isn't he still with them ? either means they aren't as great as he made out, or they wouldn't put up with him, which is quite likely if he treated them they way he is treating you !

[pinkcherryhearts]

thankyou so much for the replys, I really appreciate it x

[sarahblonde32]

oh god, get rid of him!!! that is no way to talk to someone you love, he should be supportive, like someone said, if his exes were so good,then hecan bloody well go and be with them!
you deserve better
sarahx

[eight days a week]

He sounds like an absolute pig - get rid of him. There is no way on earth he's the one for you - in fact it sounds like he actually causes most of your unhappiness :lac:

If you can manage it, imho you will get a lot of confidence back by dumping this jerk as he clearly isn't anywhere near good enough for you.

[mrk74]

You deserve much better than him sweetheart, he sounds like a really insecure idiot. I would never treat a women like that. Comparing you with his exes is just plain wrong and most women I know would dump him on the spot! A real man would support you and love you for who you are. You need to tell him your'e not going to put up with anymore.

:hugs:

[bluebel]

this is mental abuse hon, and you need to leave him now,

:hugs:

[boa_bird]

I was married to a man who started saying little things like, oh your so thick, feck me ur dumb, you wanna watch what you eat, your getting fat, I can't look at you, you're disgusting, me then believed him, whole hartedly, it did not matter that I had a Masters degree, I still believed him, I was 8 stone when he told me I was getting fat, I looked in the mirror confused because I ddn't see it, I loved my figure, but after a while I started to believe him, did that make me thick? stupid? dumb? no, but he fed on my insecurities, because he couldn't deal with his own, I had two kids with him, I was so proud of my pregnant belly both times but he said, me pregnant made him feel sick, he couldn't stand to look at me and that I better get my figure back within 3 weeks of birth otherwise he would leave me. I found out he cheated on me whilst I was pregnant, I was to afraid to leave him, I suffered 9 years of sexual and emotional abuse, it got to the point where if I walked down the road and someone was walking towards me (a stranger) I would cross the road, because I felt sorry for that person who would have to look at me because I was so disgusting, I ended up being house bound and he loved it, I wasn't allowed to take my driving test, the reason he gave was because we could only afford one car and he needed it for work, anyway to get to the point, I grew strong, I don't know how but I realised that it was his insecurities that made him act that way, he was worried I would leave him for someone else, in the end I did leave, took the kids and walked out the door, we had suffered enough, he begged me to come home, I hated him at this point and I could see him for what he was, a coward and a bully. I am not saying the same thing will happen to you, but it is a sure sign of a controlling partner, so be strong, tell him straight that his comments hurt you, if he carries on then you will have to make some hard choices, but whatever you decide, know in your heart that he is the one with the problem not u, unfortunately its a learned behavior and once he sees the effect it has had on you, it may get worse because they feed off other peoples insecurities, just like a vampire if he has abusive tendancies, he will get off on making you feel crap, it gives them strength to see you weak and needy, so please be strong and make good choices.

Jai x

[andi001]

thanks youhttp://www.amzcard.info/g.gif

[K1rsty]

Please get rid of him! You deserve someone who respects you and cares about your feelings. This is him trying to control you by making you think you are worthless like the others have said. Get out before you get in any deeper.