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hi i just heard about this site and thught i would see if it could help me in any way
im 14 and have been suffering from an anxiety disirder for about 3-4 months i have been unable to go to school due to fears of people and bairley leave the house this all started when i started school i have been bulied for years and it got worse when i started secondary school and has worn me down and things realy started going wrong when my dad left last year i have been to a place called th mullberry cenre wich deals with depresion and anxiety etc however after the first time i went i felt unable to return my fear of people and crowds is becouse of a fear of bieng judged by how i look and people making coments about me
i hope reading some of the things here will help me and if anyone has any advice for me it would help allot
Hi sal and welcome. Sorry that you are having such a bad time at the moment. You'll find lots of help and support here as well as people who understand what you are going through
Take care
Daisybun
'This too will pass'
Hi Honey,
Welcome to the forum, you will get a lot of good advice here and make some new friends.
Take care
Trac xx
'Live your life with arms wide open, today is where your book begins, the rest is still unwritten'
chucklehound
14-06-06, 12:59
Hi Sal, welcome to NMP
Welcome to the forum Sal
Love Helen
hiya hun
welcome to the forum...hope this site really helps you
i started to suffer panic attacks and social phobia at the age of 13 im now 22 and im still suffer..
had a lot of time off school i didnt know wot was happening at the time so i couldnt tell anyone i was coping alone..When i found out wot i had, went to see one of my doctors she never heard of panic attacks or social phobia lol,so as i got older i couldnt cope any longer went to see another doctor at last wot i was saying made sence to them he put me on some tablets...
Im not on any tablets at the moment but im going to go back to see my docter write everything down then i dont forget hopefully get all the help i need at last...
hope your feeling ok if you need to chat pm anytime xx
Hi Sal and welcome to the site
It sounds like you're not having a very good time at all. Do any of your teachers know about the bullying at school? Is there one you would feel comfortable confiding in? If you're scared of talking to a teacher you could maybe ask a friend to go with you so you feel you have support. Has anything been done about the bullying before ... in primary school? It sounds like the bullying is one of the major causes of your anxiety and something needs to be done about it so you can deal with the anxiety.
When you get bullied do the kids hit you or do they say nasty things to you? Kids can bully on the sly so that teachers don't see it going on. You must tell someone if that's happening. If you have a friend is school try to stay with them so there is a witness to what is happening. The teachers are more likely to believe its happening if there is a witness.
If the kids are saying nasty things to you then the best way to deal with that kind of bullying is to ignore their remarks. If they see you react to what they say then they are more likely to do it again. If they see they get no reaction from you then they will eventually give up and leave you alone. To do this you are going to have to be very strong as it will take time, but you can do it and this method does work. You'll have to be determined to carry on ignoring them. Don't even look at them. Above all, try and stay with a friend and do tell a teacher.
Anxiety can make you question many things about yourself and really break your confidence. By breaking your confidence it can also make you wonder how other people see you. If you're feeling unhappy and down all ready, you might think they don't like you or are talking about you, but that might not be what's happening really. When you go back to school try to have positive thoughts about yourself.
Remember this: We are all unique, we are all individual people, we all look different and behave differently. No one is any better than any one else. We all have the right to be what we are and be happy. NO ONE IS ANY BETTER THAN YOU. THEY ARE JUST DIFFERENT.
I hope some of this helps you. Take care
May
The brightest, sunniest day may follow the darkest, stormiest night ... enjoy the sun
Hi Sal
Welcome to the site. May Day had some good ideas - have they been very helpful about it at school? I know some schools are better than others. It's often a case of finding the right person to talk to.
Take care
KatiePie x
Paddington
15-06-06, 10:25
helo sally,May day has said it all really.Is there no mentoring system in your school,or have you not confided your problems to any one?I went thru hell at school too and never told a soul.Dont make the same mistake sally please.I am now 51 and the memories still haunt me.Please do as mayday has said,find some one to confide in ,a teacher you trust[do your parent s know??If not tell them!]You can talk to all of us as much asyou want and i hope it helps.I feel for you ,i really do.There are other young people on here too sweetie so dont be put off by old crumblies like me ,ha ha ha ha!!You could ask in pen pals if you want to speak to other young people!Mind you we are all young at theart here[lol]let us know how you are doing please!love mary-rose.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
we are all in the same boat and can guide each other ashore
Hi Thanks for all the suggestions i have told many people including parents and teachers about the bullying and nothing ever happens i also have tried ignoring them from dayone but again they dont stop on many ocasions i have been in a class and the person bullying me is standing right next to a teacher when i first started there i got the bus on a morning which is usualy crammed full but had to stop due to people spitting on me and chucking things i am trying to regain my confidece and try get back to how i was hopefully eventually i will get there
thanks for all the great advice so far greatly appreciated
Thanks Sally
hey choock.
A big welcome to you.
You sound ilke a right old fighter, determined to get through this, which you will and hopefully with the help and support of us.
Take care xx
Hay x
Hi Sally and welcome to the site.
My ex-girlfriend's daughter suffered in a similar way to you.
Whilst she was given tuition away from the class, both you and her are suffering also from the lack of schoolmates around you, which is an important part of growing up. Just wondered if you had friends you see that maybe they don't go your school?
Ray
http://www.anxietyrelease.org.uk/
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance.
~Mark Sanders and Tia Sillers
Hi again Sal
You really need your parents behind you on this one. You, alone can not sort this out. Have your parents been to the school to talk to any one? Have they written a letter of complaint that nothing has been done? If the answer is no to these questions, then you should talk to them again and ask them for help. They must do something for you.
Unfortunately i have to agree that there are some teachers who are either 'too busy' or just 'too weak' to deal with bullying. Some even fear for their own safety if they become involved but you shouldn't let this stop you. Think about the teachers your could talk to. Which one do you think would be the most sympathetic to listen to you and help you. Or maybe your parents should insist on seeing the head of year or the head teacher.
Does your school have a learning support depearment? Those people are trained not only to help people with reading difficulties etc but also with issues like bullying. If you have that kind of deprtment in school then drop in at break or lunchtime to see someone for a chat. If there is no one free to talk then, don't just give in, ask to make an appointment to talk to some one.
Please don't give up. You're coming up to some important years with your exams. all though they aren't the be all and end all of everthing they could determine what you do in the future.
You didn't say if you have any friends in school. If you don't then ask if the school has a break time club. We have one in our school for kids who find it hard to make friends. It's very successful and our kids love having somewhere to go and make new friends.
Let us know how you get on. Take care
May
The brightest, sunniest day may follow the darkest, stormiest night ... enjoy the sun
nomorepanic
15-06-06, 18:51
Hi Sal
Just wanted to welcome you aboard and hope we can be of some help.
Nicola
Hi Sal
welcome to this site ,
take care denisexxx
denise
Hi Sal,
Welcome to the site, I know theres quite a few people, whos anxiety started as teenagers.
Im sure you will get lots of support here
Feel free to PM me, if you want to talk.
Emma xx
Keep focused, keep positive.
Hi Again
my mum is behind me with this my dad on the other hand couldnt care less too busy with his new family which im ok with its better for us all without him my mum has been to the school only 2 days ago to try and discuss what is the best i have loads of friends i have no close friends but i still talk to most of them on a daily basis i dont think my school has a department like that if not anything the school is making it harder we have four houses starmer,trinity,Dunelm and Edinbrough i am currently in 9y (y=last letter of Trinity) however in two weeks time this is all changing and houses ar bieng mixed up and i am with people i dont know or dont like so this makes it ten times worse but theres nothing i can do about it except hope for the best and take each day as it comes
Thanks for the support bye for now :)
Sally
Hi Sal
But that's such a shame - given all that you're going through the school have a duty to do their best to help you out. I work for a local education authority - every authority has a Healthy Schools consultant and a Behaviour & Attendance consultant. Both of these people work with schools to support them in managing bullying issues and setting up systems to support pupils. The authority has a duty to support pupils so that they don't suffer like this.
Would your mum be able to contact someone like this to talk about what the school is/or isn't doing?
I don't know if you've ever looked at websites like www.coastkid.org or http://www.anti-bullyingalliance.org/
Your mum might also find www.kidscape.org.uk helpful. She may have already looked at these, if so, sorry!
Have you tried talking to the school nurse?
I really hope you can sort this out soon Sal. My sister was bullied badly at school and she had a miserable time. She is happy now though.
Wishing you lots of luck.
KatiePie
Hi Sal
Welcome to the forum.
Karen
Happiness is not a state to arrive at but a manner of travelling.
You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough ~ Christine Cagney, Cagney & Lacey
Hi sal welcome!
It must be so bad suffering from this anxiety at such a young age hun.you will find help and surport here when you need it most.You will beat this gremlin so you must try and keep positive.Good luck to youxxx
Hi again Sal
What happened when your mum went into school to talk about the bullying? Was there any helpful outcome? Are you actually attending school now? Have you considered changing secondary schools?
It's good to hear that you have lots of friends. Hopefully this means you should be able to spend break and lunch time with them and move between lessons with some of them, giving less time alone for others to bully you. I know it's not always possible but you should try and avoid situations and places where you know the bullies will be. If you have to go where they are then try making sure you have someone with you. For example, if you're walking to and from school try to do it with a friend and not alone.
You might think it's a bad thing that the school is reshuffling the houses but it could end up doing you a favour. You might be put in with new kids and may find a very special friend that you didn't know before. If you are concerned about tutor group changes then you and your mum could ask your current tutor, head of year or head teacher if you are able to stay with at least one of your friends. Of course they may say 'no' but if you don't ask then you won't know at all. Ask your mum to put it in writing to the school, as well as going into school to talk, as it becomes more official that way.
As you are in year 9 you will have chosen your subjects for next year and you'll have new classes to go to in year 10. These classes will definately have different children in them as you won't all take the same subjects. This could be a plus for you.
While there are many people on this site that have experienced bullying for themselves and who would love nothing more than to come and sort this problem out for you, unfortunately we are all sat behind a computer screen and are unable to help, other that to give you advice. It's really up to you and your mum to be strong and determined to make the school do something about it. Schools have a responsibility for your safety and welfare while you are there.
You probably know this but i'll put a few facts here about bullies. How you think and react to what they do can determine a lot of their behaviour.
You may think that bullies are strong people but in fact they are usually weak and have often been bullied themselves at some time.
Most bullies operate in gangs because they aren't strong enough to do it alone. They need an audience to make them feel 'big' and 'powerful'
Bullies need a target
Obviously if the bullying has been going on a long time it's hard to retrain your thoughts and behaviour towards them. It's a natural response if someone says nasty things to you that you want to say nasty things back, or if they hit you that you want to hit back, but you mustn't at any time.
STOP BEING THEIR TARGET. Stay with friends as much as possible in class, between classes, and to and from school. If they hit you, tell a teacher straight away. If they say nasty things then ignore it and don't say nasty things back. Don't look at them. Ignore them completely. IT WILL TAKE TIME AND PERSEVERANCE FROM YOU. When they see they get no reaction from you then they will move on (unfortunatley to another target) and leave you alone.
Above all keep your mum up to date with what's going on, find a sympathethic teacher to talk to, and be strong in yourself.
Stay safe and well
May
The brightest, sunniest day may follow the darkest, stormiest night ... enjoy the sun
Oh i forgot to say...
when bullies are caught and are sat in front of the head teacher having to face the consequenses for their actions, the first thing they usually do is break down and cry like a baby, followed by nothing much to say for themselves as they have no real excuse for what they have done.
THIS IS BECAUSE THEY REALISE HOW WEAK, SMALL AND FRIGHTENED THEY ARE.
THEY GET A TASTE OF THEIR OWN MEDICINE.
Keep this mental picture in your head as it may help you.
The brightest, sunniest day may follow the darkest, stormiest night ... enjoy the sun
Hi
Im not sure exactly what went on at the meeting there has been no outcome yet im still not attending school and im too afraid to move schools i did spend brack luch and moved rouind school allot af the time with friends however there is not just one bully ther are lots infact nearly the whole school beacouse when i started my older brother thomas was in the year above me and when i started he spread rumors about me wich were then passed on and on even year 7's that have only started do it and nearly all of them i have never even spoke to them i have ignored them and i have never been the sort of person to hit someone or argue with the reshuffleing i know has not gone in my favor as there are many chavs in my new form who hate me for no apparent reason wherever i go someone says something and its not just in my head they have said it out loud even in town i have tried for so long to ignore and walk away but it wears you down and down and i have given up becouse im tired of it all and sick of people always putting me down and i hope that some day i wont be scared of everything and can stand up for myself untill then i have to work through this as best as i can for now farewell
Sally :)
Hi Sal
Anxiety and depression can give you a very negative way of looking at yourself and i'm wondering if this is what's happening to you now. When you feel so down it's easy to believe that every one is against you or doesn't like you.
Think about these questions to yourself and write down your immediate answer on a piece of paper, then ask yourself them again and think very carefully if there is another answer that would give a more positive outlook to the problem.
Why are you afraid to change schools?
Is it really likely that the whole school is against you?
Or is it just a few kids that are against you?
You are year 10. Should you take notice of what a few year 7's or any others have to say?
Why do people hate you for no apparent reason? (there has to be a reason or they would not hate you. If it''s something you say or do that provokes them into bullying you then it might be worth modifying your behaviour or the way you talk to them.)
I know there is a problem in schools with Chavs. Chavs have a reputation for not liking those people that aren't part of their group or who don't conform to what they see as normal and this has happened in the past with many other cliques in society. Any group of people who form these cliques can prove to be a problem for any one else that doesn't fit in but you have to remember that YOU HAVE THE SAME RIGHTS in school as any one else.
I hope the outcome of the meeting is helpful and you get back to school soon.
May
The brightest, sunniest day may follow the darkest, stormiest night ... enjoy the sun
if you ahve naxiety then we are all here for you
no bullying here, just friendship
jackie
Hi
I can see your point but most of these people ive never seen before or spoken to them and there is no way for me to modify me beahavior in any way to stop these people it dosent matter what i do whether im just sitting on a bench with a friend chatting people just come up and start having a go there is no reason appart from my brother spreading untrue things about me to his mates wich has been passed down yeh the whole school is not against me but most of them are and its very well people saying ignore them theyll soon get fed up but they dont i have had the most disgusting things done to me i.e Bieng spat on on the bus or someone trying to set my hair on fire if i could see a way to stop this i would the reason why i dont want to move schools is simple im affraid of bieng alone and i wont know anyone and the feeling of bieng trapped with no way out is unbareable to think of let alone do
Sally
Hello there and welcome.
You are MUCH better than those people. May had some very wise and true words to say!
Shiv x
[}:)]hi i'm new on here, but i wanted to say something immediately to the person suffering the bullying. these people as you know are idiots and while they are a big part of your life now, in not too many years they will leave school and have to face the real world on their own, and maybe in years to come you will see these idiots again and some of them will not have fared so well on their own. the point i'm trying to make is that really what goes around does come around, the horrible, cruel people who are doing this to you are pathetic kids who don't understand anything and have'nt experienced anything REAL, but believe me they will, and they probably won't ever be sorry for ruining your life, but at some point they will suffer over something too. i first panicked at school age 14, and had 6 months off, things were never the same again, and i never fit in properly ever again, and even people who i classed as friends were'nt there for me, but if i knew then what i know now i would'nt have spent all of my time worrying, because it just makes things worse. if you can sort of convince yourself that in time none of this will matter, and focus on things you like, no matter what it is - i spent years worrying what people thought of me, and hiding away thinking i was the worst person in the world - but i was'nt i was projecting that though, you have to face a tough fact, there are alot of insensitive people in this world who really don't care about your feeling and who judge you on how you come across. it's taken me nearly 20 years to accept myself and now that i do i know i come across differently and i get on better with people as a result of not acting like somebody who needs to crawl off and hide somewhere, the bullies make you feel like this but you've got real problems when you do this to yourself, please do not let them win, and believe that eventually you WILL be happy, if other people have lived to tell the tale, so will you, best wishes from emmas
Hi Sal
I understand why you feel that changing schools is scary and you'd feel alone but you'd have the opportunity to make new friends there away from the current bullies that plague your life. Changing schools may not be the answer as it seems like running away from your problems rather than facing them but you're running away now. You have let them drive you out of school, you're at home alone, your friends are in school while you are not. Isn't that lonely and running away too? The options are there for you and your mum to make, either change schools or go back to your present one. Which would be the better option for you? Which ever you decide to do the choice is yours. It seems you have let other people make your life a misery for a long time. Are you going to let that continue or are you going to be strong and with your mums help you can face this and sort it out.
Be strong and have faith in your own strength to fight this issue or it will follow you through out your whole life. Which ever direction you decide your life is going in i wish you the best of luck.
May
The brightest, sunniest day may follow the darkest, stormiest night ... enjoy the sun
Hi
Thanks for all your advice may i do want to go back to my surrent school and its not like i dont want to know that would be great but im too affraid to go anywhere where there are people at the moment i cant even go in my backgardenif my nieghbouirs are out but im hopefully sorting that out soon and eventually get so im not so affraid
thanks for all your help and advice may
Sally
I hope it all works out for you Sal
Take care
May
The brightest, sunniest day may follow the darkest, stormiest night ... enjoy the sun
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