some days i feel insane

[swgrl09]

I hate feeling normal one minute, having clarity and thinking "You know what, I am ok," and then an hour later freaking out about a tiny symptom that is 99% likely to be nothing. Why can't I accept that at 23 years old, keeping up with my scheduled doctors appointments, etc, that I should be just fine? Most people my age don't even go to the doctor.

I'm just tired of not living my life as well as I should. I don't want to regret being this way. My mom was a hypochondriac her whole life, and when she was diagnosed with an extremely rare cancer that ended up taking her life, she told me that it was not worth worrying so much because in the end we have so little control of what happens. There was nothing she could have done to prevent what happened to her.

When I am older I will surely look back and say, "Why did I worry so much then?" I just wish my emotional part could believe my logical part.

Sorry for the rant, I'm just very frustrated with myself.

[capricorn234]

You can rant as much as you like it's healthy to share and get this stuff out.

I know how you feel about one minute having clarity and rational thought and then the next minute, usually a trigger of some kind, and all rational thought disappears. I was doing my usual "analysis paralysis" the other evening and feeling a bit crackers and had to send my support worker an email just to get it out of my head. I think it's really important to have someone to share your fears with. Someone who you can trust and doesn't judge, sometimes even someone saying "you are okay" is such a help. We are so highly sensitive that we doubt ourselves and are too self critical. I am trying so hard right now to accept myself as much as possible, harder said then done, but I know it helps; also I write down a lot of fears and try to challenge it. It may not work for everyone but it kind of gets the fears out of my head. I send you my best wishes.

[Beyonderz]

Hey Swgrl09,

I have once been told (by my psychiatrist) that a type of anxiety may occur, usually when a logical, caring -and most probably a well educated- person have conflicts with their emotions. In that case if logic forces self to become dominant, with the stress, then mind starts acting different than usual. It is sort of like a mechanism of protection. A totally natural process. You are not insane, nor sick. It just effects some type of people, that's all.

Do not feel guilty or bad about it, or it will create more stress. That way of thinking usually doesn't help healing.
Instead, you should think that it's still not late, you are very young and at least you know what's going on. You are willing to heal it. You are strong enough to smash the snake's head and it sure is possible to heal. :)

Of course having psychical examinations from time to time is totally normal, but you can just go to a psychiatrist instead, ask for a proper medicine which will help healing you.
You will feel a lot better, only 1 month after you start medication :)
Feel well soon