sickandtired
26-01-12, 12:21
OMG....Ive had a revelation!
well,not totally....I think I always knew deep down that some of my behaviour was a result of some dreadful things what happened in my childhood.....but I never realised that some of my obsessions are TOTALLY down to it!!!
checking the locks and windows at night.....(my step father broke in many a time...or smashed the windows..usually at night.
checking smoke alarms,carbon monoxide alarms etc (again he...or rather IT set fire to our home once and my Grandmas)
my choking fear.....not just down to an incident where my daughter had a boiled sweet stuck in her throat....(IT used to throttle my Mum regularly)
and when my Mum was vomitting during her seizure last Oct.....I was convinced she was having a stroke,TIA or was going to choke on her vomit.....it all happened in front of me....I really thought my dear Mum was dying
this horrible feeling inside me,which I cannot describe was actually the same fear I felt as a child....I once witnessed him strangling her and the look on her face was exactly how she looked in hospital...... IT was always saying he was going to kill us all.....we just never knew when....
THIS is where my meltdown began and its all IT's fault!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HATE him and am so glad he is dead
---------- Post added at 12:21 ---------- Previous post was at 12:20 ----------
sorry I just had to let that all out
well,not totally....I think I always knew deep down that some of my behaviour was a result of some dreadful things what happened in my childhood.....but I never realised that some of my obsessions are TOTALLY down to it!!!
checking the locks and windows at night.....(my step father broke in many a time...or smashed the windows..usually at night.
checking smoke alarms,carbon monoxide alarms etc (again he...or rather IT set fire to our home once and my Grandmas)
my choking fear.....not just down to an incident where my daughter had a boiled sweet stuck in her throat....(IT used to throttle my Mum regularly)
and when my Mum was vomitting during her seizure last Oct.....I was convinced she was having a stroke,TIA or was going to choke on her vomit.....it all happened in front of me....I really thought my dear Mum was dying
this horrible feeling inside me,which I cannot describe was actually the same fear I felt as a child....I once witnessed him strangling her and the look on her face was exactly how she looked in hospital...... IT was always saying he was going to kill us all.....we just never knew when....
THIS is where my meltdown began and its all IT's fault!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HATE him and am so glad he is dead
---------- Post added at 12:21 ---------- Previous post was at 12:20 ----------
sorry I just had to let that all out