Hello, can anyone help?

[Gemma86]

Hi I'm Gemma,

I've never used an internet forum before! For a very long time I've lived with very low confidence and self esteem. Last week I finally plucked up the courage to visit my GP and ask for help as I cant carry on living the way I do anymore. A series of events spanning through childhood and growing up until now (I'm 25) has left me very unhappy. Unfortunatley on top of all of this I left my boyfriend of three years this weekend just gone, he was obsessively attracted to other women who were just the opposite of myself, he admitted he wanted me to dress sexier all the time in big heels and short skirts and often bought me awful clothing and shoes as presesnts which made me feel cheap. I know I should be without someone like that as I was always worried about what I looked like, I constantly compared myself to other women and I avoided going out to places with him where I knew there would be an abundance of young girls in not a lot of clothing. Right now I'm at the point where I'm awaiting my first appointment with a Link Nurse, I know I will get the help I've desperately needed for a long time but I can't stop myself being so hurt at the moment, I have this horrible feeling of hopelessness and I just wish I had someone to talk to. I appreciate any advice.
Thank you.
Gemma.

[diane07]

Hi Gemma86

We just wanted to welcome you aboard to NMP. We hope you enjoy your stay here and get all the support and advice you need.

Please take some time to read the website articles on the left as well for loads of advice and tips.

[clear blue sky]

Hey Gemma,

I can really relate to your situation. Number one because I have never used an internet forum before. !!! I keep thinking that Im typing in the wrong places!! have deleted things by mistake to !!
I can also relate to you after being in an unhealthy relationship myself. Your confidence is going to be really really knocked at the moment and it sounds to me like your ex put you down.
You have realised yourself already that he wasn't any good for you so you are already on to a winner:)
I also suffer with low self esteem and have confidence issues but they have improved soooooooooooooooo much after leaving my last relationship.
Iv posted today about how not being so hard on yourself will remove any added pressure and reduce stress levels.
Take this time to get stuck in to things that you enjoy, have some pampering time for you.
You will soon receive the professional help you have wanted for a long time and once you learn to love you, you will be a new woman :) xx

[Stormsky]

hi Gemma.
Do you suffer anxiety or panic.. or just low mood/depression?
You definately arewell rid of your boyfriend, in my opinion,, and i know it wont seem like it at first, but someone who treats you in that way, isnt someone who really cares about you... someone who is 'obessively' attracted to woman the opposite of yourself is a big warning sign that he is just not right... you shouldnt have to be anything but yourself in a relationship...
its totally understandable your feeling hurt at present, thats natural...
I would say ' close your eyes, and think about him.,,forget how he looks physcially, just think about how he makes you feel in yourself' and if thats he makes you feel cheap and not yourself, then its not good for any future together..
its good you went to your GP, and hopefully life can start being good for you...

[Gemma86]

Hi!
Its daunting at first isn't it! To read your post would I just click on 'clear blue sky'? (I'll get there!)
Thank you for your kind words. I'm glad your confidence has improved :) Its inspiring to hear that things will change for the better eventually! I'm looking forward to finding myself and living for me for once.
I admit I'm scared about spiralling down into unhappiness, at times I just feel so alone and I want to give up, I want to feel like I'm worth something and stop comparing myself.
I cant wait to be a new women!
x x

[capricorn234]

Gemma you will be okay again hang on in there. I too have had relationships with guys that treated me really badly and really destroyed any bit of self worth I had. I decided after the last hurtful man to be free of guys for a while and just try to build myself up again, surround myself with people that really care about me, friends, my son, my lovely cat and doing nice things for myself. Slowly I am feeling a bit better inside. I tend to compare myself to younger gorgeous women, but am doing it less because now because I realise it is a pointless exersise and just soul destroying. We are all unique, all have faults and remember you are worth being treated with care and respect. Your boyfriend did not deserve a nice person like you and you are well rid of him. The loneliness will get better, be good to yourself and give it time....hugs x

[clear blue sky]

Remember as well most women are unhappy with something about themselves. You might see someone who in your eyes looks beautiful and lovely but in reality feel that their nose is too big or they have bad skin ect ect.
I guess its just part of being a woman!!!

They go on all the time about society causing women to feel unattractive and over weight because its true that everywhere we look we are surrounded by adverts telling us how to loose weight and get that super model figure. It really doesn't help those of us who already feel insecure about our own appearances.

I know a girl who has to look stunning all the time. Everything is fake though. The hair, the nails, the tan the designer clothes the excessive make-up and false lashes.

Truth is she may get alot of male attention (but the wrong kind) and at the end of the day I know she's not happy with how she looks and feels so bad she try's to make herself fit in.

Men arent that interested in stick thin girls with short skirts and high heels from my experiences. Personally I think being a nice person, taking care of yourself, feeling good . Being able to dress down and feel comfortable and being able to dress elegantly and feel attractive on those 'night out occasions' is key.

When I split with the ex I lost weight, went on holiday and went out with friends most nights. Everyone was commenting on how well i looked and how i was a more approachable person and i didnt look so sad all the time. It really did give me a massive boost and im sure you are going to feel the same very soon xx (sorry for going on )

[venusbluejeans]

Hiya and welcome to NMP:welcome:

I hope you find the as site helpful and informative as I have and that you get the help and support you need here and hope that you meet a few friends along the way :yesyes:

[Gemma86]

Thank you for picking me up and making me feel better x
Its hard when you sit and think of the good times and how they'll never happen again but I did close my eyes and think about how he really makes me feel inside and I realise I cant live like that, I cant carry on destroying myself. I feel like I'm always going to compare myself and put myself down but hopefully with time I'll be rid of these destructive thoughts. I need to build some confidence and learn to have a good time again.
Thank you :)
Ps. Is that your doggy in the picture? Aaw he or she looks lovely!

---------- Post added at 23:45 ---------- Previous post was at 23:33 ----------

Hi Capricorn234,
Thank you for your message! I'm so glad you are enjoying life more now and surrounding yourself with the people you love and who love you. I guess the more time I am away from my ex-boyfriend the less I will compare myself, its a horrible feeling when you think your not good enough but one day I hope to not think this way and can be happy.
Small steps... x x

---------- Post added 28-01-12 at 00:14 ---------- Previous post was 27-01-12 at 23:45 ----------

Thank you for typing me such a long response :) I'm overwhelmed with the response and I've only just joined! There are some very kind people out there x
And 'clear blue sky' your not going on!
I find the media and its influence on society dreadful when depicting what we should wear and eat. I suffered with anorexia in my teenage years due to images sold to us by magazines and on the TV etc and because of another horrible boyfriend. They show such unrealistic views of women's bodies yet tell us all we should look this way to be happy and in love :mad: Its a sore subject!
It feels like most of society conform to this 'popular culture' way of living which hasn't helped me feel good about myself, I really would love to meet people who are just happy being themselves and who don't want for much. (I'm sorry for going on now!)
Its great to hear your confidence has been boosted and your enjoying life :)! I need to find myself then I hope to gain some too then start living *cross fingers* x x

---------- Post added at 00:47 ---------- Previous post was at 00:14 ----------

I don't know how to be myself, I feel like I don't know who I am. I'm always worried about what people will think of me and I can't get close to anyone to have a proper friendship.

[llimona]

Hi Gemma,

I think it is very understandable that you feel hurt, when someone you love hurts you and you don't know why it can be awful, but I think a real positive here is that you can see it comes from his problems- and you have recognised how much better off you are without him. The fact that you are already taking steps to feel better speaks wonders about your strength.

I am new to this forum as well- I can relate to your feeling alone and helpless- please feel free to PM me if you want to chat.

[oh no_1]

Hi im Jemma too.... welcome to NMP.... just to reassure that this site is fanastic and has helped me so much in the year I have been on here. x

[Gemma86]

Thanks Jemma x

---------- Post added at 21:11 ---------- Previous post was at 21:08 ----------


Hi Gemma,

I think it is very understandable that you feel hurt, when someone you love hurts you and you don't know why it can be awful, but I think a real positive here is that you can see it comes from his problems- and you have recognised how much better off you are without him. The fact that you are already taking steps to feel better speaks wonders about your strength.

I am new to this forum as well- I can relate to your feeling alone and helpless- please feel free to PM me if you want to chat.

Thank you llimona :) x x

---------- Post added at 21:22 ---------- Previous post was at 21:11 ----------


Hi Gemma86

We just wanted to welcome you aboard to NMP. We hope you enjoy your stay here and get all the support and advice you need.

Please take some time to read the website articles on the left as well for loads of advice and tips.

Thank you :flowers:

[Stormsky]

Hi Gemma
Hope your feeling a little more positive about everything... Think of all the new and exciting oportunities you now have in front of you... and the possibility of meeting a man that truly deserves you!
And the next time you close your eyes and think about the man your with and how he makes you feel, heres hoping you feel like a 'princess'...
Yes the dog in pic is my Malamute boy called Storm ! and i have a husky girl called SKY, hence STORMSKY xxxx

[paulypaul40]

hi gemma im paul mr happy lol i cheer you up hunni..he sounds like a pain in the bum lol...maybe he wanted you to be more confident i dont know ...i cant see why you going to see a nurse because you dont want to wear high heels ...stick them on hunni big ya self up your only young once dont be down about your self confidence you should see me haha i got man boobs come chat with me i make you laugh you wont need :yahoo::yahoo::yahoo::yahoo::yahoo::yahoo:no doctor then ...just remember 16 muscles to laugh 32 to frown .and about 56.023 to panic ..i been mr panicman for last two weeks been sending me bloody lala i tell ya ....