Southcoastmum
26-01-12, 22:04
Hi everyone. Ive just found this site when looking for some info on Citlopram. I took my first 10mg today.
Earlier this week, I saw my doctor a I had come to the realisation that something was not right. Ive been told that I have had Post Natal Depression since my daughter was born 3 years ago. I knew I wasnt the same me all that time, but had no idea that this was why. What has made matters worse for all of this to come to the surface is that during that time, my relationship has suffered and was told a few weeks ago that he is seeing someone else. This pushed me over and Ive never felt this low before. I feel hopeless, desperate, a failure and am tormented by thoughts of a lonely future.
I feel that how I had been (I admit I was moody, not interested in a social life, controlling, tearful, tired, etc) would not have been easy to live with. He says he thought something was wrong but didnt want to say anything. All that time I had these thoughts of being a bad mother, useless, a failure, not deserving of anything new or spending time on myself, etc which I didnt equate with PND. I just thought it was the effect of working full time in a demanding job and having a baby.
Having been told this news recently, I lost the ability to hold all of these feelings in check. Ive been a sobbing mess, feeling Im having panic attacks at times, with such deep feelings of being hopeless and desperate. I am finding it even a challenge now to have energy and interest to engage with my daughter.
I cant help but blame myself for what has happened, although also think that there should be more understanding for why I was that way. Im just so scared that there will be no fixing this.
I am hopeful that Citlopram will help. I felt a bit anxious and quite low today, not sure if it was just me, or the medication. I had a slight breakdown on the way to work and needed to come home, just after taking it. Im sure it wouldnt have had such a quick response, although reading some posts, maybe so.
A part of me wants to get better to show him that I am still the me I was, and I wasnt being that way deliberately to hurt him. It was me who was hurting, and still am. Although I worry that even if the meds would help, the situation will remain the same and this will keep me in depression indefinately.
Im not sure what I expect from anyone, i apologise for the long post. I think I just wanted to say what Ive been thinking but not sure who I can talk to. Im not quite ready to share with people that this is all happening.
Take care everyone.
Earlier this week, I saw my doctor a I had come to the realisation that something was not right. Ive been told that I have had Post Natal Depression since my daughter was born 3 years ago. I knew I wasnt the same me all that time, but had no idea that this was why. What has made matters worse for all of this to come to the surface is that during that time, my relationship has suffered and was told a few weeks ago that he is seeing someone else. This pushed me over and Ive never felt this low before. I feel hopeless, desperate, a failure and am tormented by thoughts of a lonely future.
I feel that how I had been (I admit I was moody, not interested in a social life, controlling, tearful, tired, etc) would not have been easy to live with. He says he thought something was wrong but didnt want to say anything. All that time I had these thoughts of being a bad mother, useless, a failure, not deserving of anything new or spending time on myself, etc which I didnt equate with PND. I just thought it was the effect of working full time in a demanding job and having a baby.
Having been told this news recently, I lost the ability to hold all of these feelings in check. Ive been a sobbing mess, feeling Im having panic attacks at times, with such deep feelings of being hopeless and desperate. I am finding it even a challenge now to have energy and interest to engage with my daughter.
I cant help but blame myself for what has happened, although also think that there should be more understanding for why I was that way. Im just so scared that there will be no fixing this.
I am hopeful that Citlopram will help. I felt a bit anxious and quite low today, not sure if it was just me, or the medication. I had a slight breakdown on the way to work and needed to come home, just after taking it. Im sure it wouldnt have had such a quick response, although reading some posts, maybe so.
A part of me wants to get better to show him that I am still the me I was, and I wasnt being that way deliberately to hurt him. It was me who was hurting, and still am. Although I worry that even if the meds would help, the situation will remain the same and this will keep me in depression indefinately.
Im not sure what I expect from anyone, i apologise for the long post. I think I just wanted to say what Ive been thinking but not sure who I can talk to. Im not quite ready to share with people that this is all happening.
Take care everyone.