very personal but real worry

[sickandtired]

this is very hard for me to say,but i feel i must divulge some very personal experiences to hopefully get a truthful answer.....

I will just give the basics
I saw my Mum get beaten by my step dad for years from the age of 6-14 ,I also witnessed him raping her.I had a few good hidings myself and once was hit with a belt,but nothing in comparison to what my poor Mum got.
when I was abvout 7/8 I was molested by a stranger....once....but he continued to follow me around and although we moved house alot,he always seemed to find out where i lived and 'appeared' from nowhere,when I was walking home from school.
fast forward to my turbulent teenage years where I began to dabble in recreational drugs,LSD,Weed,magic mushrooms,speed etc
and also drink lots of alcohol.....never an alcoholic...but pretty close
I also became promiscuous in a bid to find real love.
I finally met my hubby at age 23,became pregnant quickly and we now have 3 lovely children,are fairly happy....had our ups and downs like any other couple......
unfortunately several years ago....my libido dropped dramatically....
at first I thought this was because I was suffering PND.....but my youngest is now 9
a few years ago,I began having panic attacks,and last year they came back with a vengance after some very upsetting incidents,plus depression and desparate crying bouts....sex was a chore......and now we havent tried for over a month.....
I have just been diagnosed with PTSD
I do love him and still find him very attractive,but Ive become prudish and cringe when my hubby touches me.I want cuddles and kisses,but no sex.....
he is being so patient,but I really want to enjoy our sex life again......i just feel numb sometimes
Im on week 7 of fluoxetine and know this can cause a big drop in libido......
but I want to know if anyone has experience anything simlilar but regained their happy sex life ?

[lauz_lea]

Yes, Yes, YESSSSSSSSSSSS! My husband and I have in the past (but going through the same as you at the moment since being back on meds).

You know my story already so I won't go into the details, but yes is the answer. It took a while and we enjoyed our kisses and cuddles, which, gently, over time lead to a wonderful, happy, and most importantly, COMFORTABLE sex/love life (when I say comfortable, I mean that I didn't do it just because I felt guilty, but because I wanted to).

SSRI's do tend to lower the labido anyway (but you also lose interest in other things that you used to enjoy), but this does pass. They will help you with your mood and whilst you deal with the underlying issues you will notice yourself doing lots of things that you enjoy again.

We tend to place more emphasis on our sexual desire than we do on other things (like going for a family day out or a nice meal), because we feel we are depriving the man (or woman) we love of intimacy, or of showing them how much we love them. There are other ways of showing our love and affection, and other ways of giving them pleasure (non sexually). You'll find that as pleasure returns in other activities you used to enjoy, your labido will start to return. It may take a bit longer to "get there", but that won't take all the joy out of it.

[sickandtired]

Thanks hun,I really hope so........
I just feel so guilty....i feel like im punishing my hubby for what has happened in my past....i know im not,deep down,but maybe i should tell him,that its nothing to do with the way i feel about him? im sure he,s hurting too as i keep pushing him away
i told him everything about what happened but i think he finds it hard to deal with it too,so we tend to avoid the subject.,and i dont want to keep remembering it to be honest....when i do speak about it,its with such distgust and venom.....i hear my own voice almost spitting it out....and afterwards im very angry and just want to be alone.....i feel such shame when i remember things and cant understand how ive gone from being sex mad to this....'sexless being'.I also dont understand how i became promiscuous in my teenage years,when ive been molested and seen such terrible things?
surely i should have been the opposite? why am i suddenly such a prude?
i just wish i could wipe my memory completely

[cathycrumble]

I have just read your story and it makes me realize just what a strong and loving person you are. you have helped me on here and many others and to me i feel you have a wanderfull little family. which you are very proud of.

you have just started the prozac which I know is not an easy ride. I am still bad I just been the gp for more help as falling apart.

Remember you are still dealing with your medication kicking in so dont beat yourself up about your sex life. just explain to your husband that you just want hugs and reasure him how very much you love him. Dont be hard on yourself. I feel you are doing amazing I only hope I get to where you are.

What you have been through in your life has been hard but you need to talk this through with a professional who can help you. It is so suprising how it helps to unburden things and get them off your chest, Keep doing your diary as I always read it. And I know your libido will come back in time.

Cathy xx

[sickandtired]

I had my first meeting with a phsycological wellbeing practitioner on tuesday....
it was difficult at first....i felt a bit of a mental case telling her some of my recent worries.....but once i got talking i felt i couldnt stop.....i suddenly realised that this was what i needed ....professional help.....and when asked about my childhood.....out it came,along with an outpouring of tears
I felt comfortable with her,she was so nicely spoken,not judgemental and just listened,carefully asking questions which would help her get the full picture.
she eventually diagnosed me with post traumatic stress disorder and said alot of what happened as a child ........the memories...had been triggered again in recent years leading to the onset of depression and panic attacks.....
she was shocked to find i had never had councelling
Ive been offered cbt,councelling plus a new technique.....EFT or EMD ?
Im going to take all the help offered

thank you for saying those nice things about me.....im now having a little cry.....but dont worry....i always feel better after a cry !
I do hope your anxiety lifts soon.....it really is a rotten state to be in and seems like forever ,and im so glad youve not given up ......my days are still up and down,but i feel more positive
i suppose im being a little impatient with the 'libido' thing.......

[Magic]

Sickandtired,
I wish you all the luck in the world
Lots Love

[sickandtired]

thank you magic......you too
:hugs:
xxxx

[snowgoose]

Hi :)

Your story must have been hard to post .........there cannot be anyone here on this forum reading who does not sit and read .then think ...how does this strong loving kind lady do this ? I cannot imagine how you coped ........but despite that hell ...........you are the kind empathetic lady you became :flowers:
I dont think many of us could do the same with your past .
SO pleased to read that you have good psychological support now. You cant keep this horror inside .....time to vent and cry and heal .

re the intimacy side if things .......so get why you are worried ......but there is no need honestly .
No pressure ok ? we have similar issues here the other way round due to cancer treatment .......am I worried ? no not a jot .
Love has many faces and facets .........you adjust and sometimes be patient
......laugh also at the fact the papers say you should be at it like rabbits ..:ohmy:....
cuddle and be romantic when you can .........cheesy yes but nice dinner and bottle of vino and that togetherness you have without the S word .
It will come back my love ....but only when you are ready . there are ways and means for now :blush:
eeeeek cant believe I said that :shrug:

so hope that you get peace from your childhood memories . :bighug1:

[Haybee]

my gosh you have been through so much. to come through all that and have a relatively normal life, including a husband and 3 lovely children is incredible, well done you :hugs:

Is your husband being supportive and happy to dole out the kisses and cuddles without pressing you for anything more? i think thats a really good starting point if so. maybe consider some relate counselling or similar if it continues for a long time, but... i personally dont think a month is particularly long to worry about.

[sickandtired]

i know....i am so proud that i have been able to have the family life ive always wanted.....and am amazed at my lovely children....they bring me so much joy (and pain!)
im very close to my mum and we've talked alot about it and helped each other........i really thought i,d dealt with it all ,just this horrible cloud hanging over at the moment,and these dreaded panic attacks and anxiety......i want it gone!!
Haybee...
my hubby tries to be supportive ,and no,i dont get enough kisses and cuddles.....but i think he,s confused since ive become quite withdrawn,i guess he just wants the old me back.im terribly moody at times,very irritable......i dont know how he puts up with me
a month isnt very long really is it.....im being silly
snowgoose...i cannot begin to imagine how hard it is for you and i feel somewhat ashamed that im making such a big deal about my libido!!
thank you for helping me put things in perspective

[princess1966]

Hi

You are amazing so strong yoou have to believe that.You again have made me think!!!You have been through so much and are still here.WELL DONE!!!!
The good thing is it is comining out now your meds are helping you can talk about it and you are going to get help too!!!It is all in place for you.
Your hubby knows your story and supports you and will continue to do so patience is the key here.I too am feeling very guilty about the same thing gone from all the time(Ha Ha)to zilch but I am not worried about that one I just ask for lots of cuddles try that.

You have been so inspirational and strong to us all here and are evem more so now

Lots of love

[sickandtired]

thanx hun.....yes...i am getting stronger.....i am getting help...im doing all the right things arent i......i will get better,i will be happy again....and so will you !
:bighug1:

xxxx

[chelley27]

yes you are strong hun, wow what a touching post.. you are amazing coming through all that.
re the libido , im the same exactly the same. 5 weeks ago was trying for a baby and since all the negative tests , sex just doesnt interest me at all. maybe its my way of not being able to see that negative again, who knows........ but its good your hubby understands hun, it will come back over time. xx

[sickandtired]

my friend was struggling with fertility and she asked me,"will i ever be a mother?"
I said of course huni,it will happen when you least expect it.......
her and her husband decided against IVF (protection against failure was the main reason)
and she got caught naturally a few months later.....they now have a healthy 1 year old baby girl x
hope you get your wish soon xxx

[Patrick Michael]

Sick and tired - no need to feel ashamed about anything you have written. When myself and my ex parted - my libido went missing. Naturally, its as if part of me shut down. 'We do not need that at the moment' and I became impotent for a period. I did not worry about it, as there was no partner. Obviously, not the case for you, but intimacy is more than just expressing physical love for our partners. It comes from honesty and openness and sharing. Hugs and kisses are good too. More important, I feel is that you are addressing it.

I'm off to see a counsellor in a weeks time. In losing that relationship, and in successive traumas that happened in the following 12 months, I have not been fully able to deal with the loss of the relationship. The other traumas I have dealt with, I feel.

Now, as for you, I am in the right place to deal with the underlying issue. There's some family stuff inthere. There's unresolved anger towards my ex. I did feel that I git punished for issues that she was unable or unwilling to confront. That you are seeking to confront your issues is awesome.

Best to you

Patrick

[FRANKIEISBACK]

have a massive hug from me xx

most of us blokes are good , you can deal with these things from your past and you are doing the right thing getting help xx

[sickandtired]

thanks Patrick xx all the best to you too
thanks Frankie.....really needed that hug xx

[lizerie]

:hugs:

Thank you for posting your story, it was very brave. You're such an inspiration! Hopefully your labido comes back soon (I have the same problem!) I'm so glad you're getting help; you're definitely on the road to recovery!

[sickandtired]

thanks Lizerie
having a rubbish day today unfortunately
think me and the hubby need to talk
hope you are doing ok x