children making me anxious

[hoshi]

does anyone else find that small children sends their anxiety through the roof? i live with my older sister, her husband and their 2 kids (my niece and nephew). they are both very young and since i moved in i have instinctually been cautious of spending lots of time around them because as i was already aware they can get seriously out of control.

usually i am at college during the week so i get home in the evenings and then hide out in my room until they've gone to bed because the tension in the house created when they are being 'naughty' is just unbearable to me. my sister can get really shrill and shouty and it makes every muscle in my body recoil, especially when i hear the kids crying/whining/screaming added to the mix it just becomes unbearable to the point i can't physically be within earshot of it. but when they live in the house it's pretty much impossible to get away from it without leaving altogether, which i just shouldn't feel the need to do.


i rarely join the family for dinner because there is always so much banging and shouting and general tantrum-ing i feel constantly nervous, physically can't keep my food down and i get horrible stomach upsets because i'm so tense for the whole meal.


some weeks when i feel extra sensitive i make sure to outright avoid them all times of the day, so staying later after college to make sure i get home when they've gone to bed, and staying in my room when they're around the house.

the times when i feel stronger and i'm hanging around downstairs in the evenings (at 'prime naughty time') they generally know to leave me alone if i show no signs of play- but it's only a matter of time before they cross that line and start getting crazy again, climbing on the sofa, jumping over me, rolling around knocking over any mugs of tea that you've just happened to put down, screaming millimetres away from your ear drum, and then MORE shouting from both parents, as a result of which there will inevitably be loud crying, tantrums, disobedience/whiny backchat until i have to get out of there before my head explodes from the sheer chaos.

when i'm in the middle of it all it literally feels like a battlefield, i'm dodging relentless shots from every angle and my senses are completely overwhelmed, until i have to make a blind rush to escape before i feel like i might pass out because my pulse and blood pressure are rocketing and i just want to go to my room and not come out again!! :meh: i hate it!

[Stormsky]

I can totally understand what you are saying... There are no children in my house, but the house behinde ours has 4-5 screaming young kids, who in the summer were always playing the other side of our back fence, and i felt some of the same thing as yourself, making my nerves on edge etc...
Unfortunately, you cant get away from it either, and to be honest when suffering anxiety, you need to be around calm people...
Have you been living there long? Do you take any meds??

[hoshi]

thankyou for the understanding :)

i've been living here for just over a year, and since i first moved in i have made a lot of progress with my anxiety in general, but this specific thing hasn't calmed down since day 1. i was taking fluoxetine back when i started my therapy last year and i was in a pretty bad state, but i came off it a while ago because i felt (as i said above) i was making lots of progress with my illness. even when i was on them it didn't help- it's like experiencing physical pain when i get caught up in those situations, that's totally unrelated to what's going on in my head. argh i just don't know.

[hyg]

Hi
If it makes you feel any better my OWN kids make me nervous-and Im not just being sarcastic.
Ihave two boys of 6 and 10 who constantly chatter and/or argue and if they are noisy at the dinner table my throat tightening kicks in and I literally cant swallow.
My husband tries to take control of the situation but sometimes I have to get up from the table and go upstairs.
I have to keep telling myself it just kids but when you are already an anxious person it pushes your head to the limit.
Try having a chat with your sister-you never know she could be feeling down with it all as well. x:hugs:

[Stormsky]

It does sound like your nerves are on edge..
some nights i have to remove the clocks from the bedroom, as the ticking makes me edgy... then most nights they dont bother me!
you really need to find a way to relax... spending alot of time on your own in your room isnt good either...im sure you would rather be with the family if you could... enjoying some normality... perhaps a visit back to GP for a chat about all this....

[Loubeelou]

the times when i feel stronger and i'm hanging around downstairs in the evenings (at 'prime naughty time') they generally know to leave me alone if i show no signs of play- but it's only a matter of time before they cross that line and start getting crazy again, climbing on the sofa, jumping over me, rolling around knocking over any mugs of tea that you've just happened to put down, screaming millimetres away from your ear drum, and then MORE shouting from both parents, as a result of which there will inevitably be loud crying, tantrums, disobedience/whiny backchat until i have to get out of there before my head explodes from the sheer chaos.

when i'm in the middle of it all it literally feels like a battlefield, i'm dodging relentless shots from every angle and my senses are completely overwhelmed, until i have to make a blind rush to escape before i feel like i might pass out because my pulse and blood pressure are rocketing and i just want to go to my room and not come out again!! :meh: i hate it!

This really made me giggle....sorry I'm not being unsympathetic it's just I can totally relate!
I have a 4yr old and although the majority of the time he is extremely good, he does have his moments which sends my anxiety crazy!!
Mealtimes are a nightmare and on more than one occasion I have had to up and go outside for a breather while my other half see's to him.

I think kids are a challenge at the best of times especially when they are not your own AND you suffer anxiety.
Hope your situation improves soon as I know it's really not fun. x

[hoshi]

aw, thanks for your reply. it must be so hard for you. it often doesn't occur to me that i have it pretty easy because they're not my kids so i can get away from them whenever i want, and even then i feel guilty for it. i'm so sorry.

also i know exactly what you mean about the throat tightening and how you just have to get up and leave. it's so painful, like all your muscles have turned to solid rock.

my sister does get upset over the kids behaviour and i can see she's just as exasparated by it as me when it gets really bad. but i've never felt terribly comfortable talking about it with her in depth because once it's over i just want to forget about it all. bringing it up in conversation makes me feel equally nervous, especially when i know she might feel it's her who's at fault for it (even though i don't feel that way at all.)

my thoughts go out to you and your family! :hugs:

---------- Post added at 20:34 ---------- Previous post was at 20:26 ----------


It does sound like your nerves are on edge..
some nights i have to remove the clocks from the bedroom, as the ticking makes me edgy... then most nights they dont bother me!
you really need to find a way to relax... spending alot of time on your own in your room isnt good either...im sure you would rather be with the family if you could... enjoying some normality... perhaps a visit back to GP for a chat about all this....

yes, i really only feel edgy when the kids are in the room, because i know they are so unpredictable. i still have therapy sessions so i may bring it up at my next appointment and see what i can change about it. i just feel that i don't have any authority to shout at them and tell them off when they're aggravating me, since they're not my kids. even when their parents aren't around i can't summon the willpower to discipline them. i just run away instead.

---------- Post added at 20:37 ---------- Previous post was at 20:34 ----------


This really made me giggle....sorry I'm not being unsympathetic it's just I can totally relate!
I have a 4yr old and although the majority of the time he is extremely good, he does have his moments which sends my anxiety crazy!!
Mealtimes are a nightmare and on more than one occasion I have had to up and go outside for a breather while my other half see's to him.

I think kids are a challenge at the best of times especially when they are not your own AND you suffer anxiety.
Hope your situation improves soon as I know it's really not fun. x

hey it's ok, i appreciate the reply. and thankyou so much xx

[ewood79]

Hi I sometimes get the same with my daughter who is nearly 4.....

Sometimes she just chatters so much and is so loud I just snap and say please be quiet but then I realize she is just a child and doing what they do best!

I then become thankful that she is healthy, happy and strong minded!!!!

[miffyrabbit]

I can completely relate to your post regarding children making you feel anxious. Due to recently being diagnosed with Avoidant Personality Disorder (which answered why for almost 14 years I had been almost completely treatment resistant to my anxiety disorders: GAD, Panic Disorder, Social Anxiety and Agoraphobia) I have some understanding of why small children make me anxious - I'd even go as far as to say that some small children frighten me (which sounds ridiculous, but is true).

I realised that for me there were several factors. Firstly, being a gay man meant that I didn't know that many people on an intimate level who had children. Secondly, because of my social anxiety, and the fact that small kids have an incredible directness in their behaviour which is sometimes startling in it's frankness and honesty, I used feel that they could almost "see through" me. This is reinforced by their direct eye contact. For myself, and this journey of discovery culminating in my fairly recent APD diagnosis, I always found direct eye contact with strangers and people I didn't know well very difficult (though not with close friends and family) - the gaze from small children is often very penetrating, and it was this aspect that I found a little scary sometimes.

Over the last few years, I'm much easier around small kids, since my older brother has become an Uncle, and I now really look forward to seeing my niece, although she is now 6 and moving past the very small kid stage.

Take care,

Miffyrabbit.

[Anxious_gal]

I like kids but I can't stand bad behaved kids that just don't stop , I also cannot stand adults screaming at children , it's not the best way to set an example . . .
It just stresses me out.