how many of you have had enough

[sherylee xx]

so fed up with this anxiety i want to feel normal again where i could dismiss symptoms right away and get on with my day without a second thought, how we all took that for granted only now we realise how amazin it is to be able to do that :( i just went to the toilet went for a number 2 and noticed alot of blood in the toilet deffo from my bum :( im so worried i didnt strain and no piles that i know of so what is it :( also gettin pains in my left temple area kinda, it hurts when i touch it sometimes and the pain goes down my neck sometimes and to my jaw area so worried :( xx

[swgrl09]

I know, do you ever feel like you don't remember what it feels like to be normal/relaxed? It's like, I know that "normal relaxed me" existed at one point but I don't remember what it felt like to be that person.

I don't know a lot about bowel stuff, but the pain in your temple sounds like a muscle knot or tension in your muscle. I get that a lot, hurts when you press on it, and it can radiate down the neck and elsewhere. Sometimes I have thought I had TMJ because of jaw pain, but it was from stiff muscles in neck and on my head.

Wouldn't it be nice to feel normal? I hope you feel better, just try some deep breaths (easier said than done)

[sherylee xx]

thanks for your reply :) oh yeah i really cant remember what it feels like to feel normal i just know it feels good lol its been 7 months non stop now since my ha started and literally every day im worrying :( id love to just feel normal again and just not worry so much i cant even dri nk anymore (alchol) as im scared the tipsy feelin will kick off a panick attack as its been so long and im scared it will make my symptoms worse :( my doctor even told me to have a glass of wine or 2 every night to relax me!! lol i would if this stupid anxiety would let me lol im currently awaitin a call from a doctor its 3am here and im so tired lol ohright thankyou i was very worried asbout the temple pain but you have helped to calm me down abit about that so thankyou :) xx

[Harribo]

Its funny really, the rare times I feel normal it scares and worries me so I feel anxious again haha so dumb I know..x

[miffyrabbit]

Hello sherylee xx

In late September, early October last year I had a Mental Breakdown that lasted until they found the right medications for me (I'm not A+ by a long way, but about C, which is better than Z). Every time I looked at my legs, I was convinced as night follows day that I had a DVT in one or both of them. Every time I had a pain in my wrist I thought I was seconds away from cardiac arrest.

Health Anxiety feels like a torture you have absolutely no control over whatsoever. I certainly felt like I didn't last year. As far as having blood in your stool, while I would say not to be completely laissez-faire about it, it's really not that uncommon to have blood in your stool, as an event that can occur over two or three days, as a one off, or if you're constipated it can happen regularly (and being constipated doesn't always mean you strain, it can also refer to infrequent bowel movements, though it usually means hard to pass movements). Often blood in a stool can be caused by husks or "sharp" fibrous food that is not digestible and can cause a tiny tear in the lower bowel - the lining of the bowel is incredibly delicate and there are many blood vessels in that area of the body; that's why it's such an effective route for administering medications via suppositories. If it was something sinister you would be passing blood all the time. It's also not beyond possibility that you may have a small internal pile that you are unaware of. I had an internal pile that I was unaware of and bled on and off. I had a colonoscopy and went through exactly the same worry as you did - all for nothing in the end.

There are one or two tricks I try and implement when I know my anxiety is zoning in on my health. Sometimes they work, and sometimes they don't.

Here's my tips I use when my Health Worrying goes Cosmic

1) Sometimes it's better not to look. One of my fixations is getting a DVT. So now, I don't look at my legs if I'm feeling in a worried state. If I am worrying that I've got a DVT I'll ask someone, like my partner, who's thinking rationally to have a look for me and check they both look the same, no swelling etc. My health worrying distorts my perceptions and I can convince myself one leg is bigger than the other. An embarrassing example of this is a few weeks after reading that picking a spot on your nose could cause some life threatening condition where your eyes bulge and look like they're popping out, I convinced myself they were indeed popping out, and took myself down to A&E. The bemused but kindly staff reassured my and sent me on my way with five x 5mg Diazepam tablets, to go with the Diazepam tablets I already had!

Maybe when you have a number 2 tomorrow and you're in a happy mood, just flush the loo. A lot of people don't peer into the bog and inspect their poo (not that there is anything wrong with it - I do it), and then check the following the day. If nothing else, it will give your brain a rest. If you find blood in your stool again, remember there are far more benign reasons for it being there than sinister reasons. You could have an internal pile, a tear, a cyst, a polyp, all of which can be dealt with in a 20 minute procedure with a colonoscopy in a walk in clinic. People with anxiety disorders find it very hard to not choose the catastrophic option, but the catastrophic reality so rarely occurs.

2. I'm just a mere mortal non-doctor, but I've been living with a constellation of anxiety disorders for 14 years, including, at times, my health. Health Anxiety is an odd one, because for me it tends to flare up when things in my life feel a bit out of control, or I don't feel in control. This can range between cash flow worries to a problem with a friendship, or difficulty in my relationship - all kinds of things, but they're generally things to do with control, or feeling that elements in my life aren't quite right. This is just my own personal experience, and we're all different.

3. I know it's a hoary old chestnut, but distraction techniques do work. When your mind starts to wander back to "why did I have a bloody stool?" your asking a question you can't answer, and torturing yourself in the process. And the problem is, it then almost becomes compulsive, where because your mind can't find the answer, you return to it with increasing frequency. Before the loop sets in, or to break it, primitive distraction works. I go and play the piano, and try and learn a new piece of music, or play a video game - doing something that engages your brain, not something that is manual - i.e. washing the car, or cleaning the house, re-engaging your brain on something entirely different can make you completely forget it.

4. This sounds inane but it does work. Forcing yourself to smile can change your mood from worried to at least neutral. It's hard to do and it makes you feel like a ventriloquists dummy to start with, but it honestly works. Make yourself smile, and keep smiling for ten minutes straight and see if it makes a difference. I know this one sounds completely potty, but it does work for me and it can break the spell of not just health anxiety, but other kinds of anxiety.

5. Remembering that everything is temporary. This one sounds a bit ominous at first, but actually it can bring a lot of relief. When I was in the middle of my nervous breakdown last year, that thought was the one thing that kept me going. Bad thoughts are temporary, so are good ones, bad times are temporary - they can't last forever, just like a fantastic party can't last forever. Remembering that everything in life is temporary is life affirming. It tells us that everything moves on - including the horrible, scary thoughts you have, and that they will inevitably go.

I'm sorry for blathering on and wish you the best

Miffyrabbit.

[CONS]

Blood in your stool sounds like a 'fissure'

'An anal fissure is a break or tear in the skin of the anal canal. Anal fissures may be noticed by bright red anal bleeding on the toilet paper, sometimes in the toilet'

Go to the doctor to be sure.

All the best

[Em84]

Totally agree with HARRIBO! The other week I had a day where I woke up feeling pretty normal...Then I went into panic mode thinking something was wrong.......

X

[Wuboo]

Its funny really, the rare times I feel normal it scares and worries me so I feel anxious again haha so dumb I know..x

Same. Loads of times I have thought "Oh I feel normal" then I start getting anxiety, like being "normal" isn't normal any more. Weird.

[robinbrum]

Yes, it does take me by surprise too when I feel normal...I almost have to look at my tablets and think, "what is this all about? Why do I take these things?"
Then I go out and someone only has to look at me the wrong way and the vicious cycle of anxiety begins again.

[sherylee xx]

harribo i can so relate to that! lol mad isnt it xx

miffyrabbit wow thankyou so much for your post and i really appreciate the time and effort you put into that so a huge thankyou i wass smilin whilst readin your post as i know its all so true, i will most certainly be tryin the things you have suggested im fightin this battle with out medication so any techniques ican learn to help me through this is most welcome :) thankyou all the best sherylee xx

thankyou cons :) rashional side of my brain suggested that or a pile but the loopy side of my brain of couse suggessted somethin much more sinister :( seein a gp monday to see if it is indeed a fissure or piles :) xx

em84 and jayuk20 same has happened to me so mad isnt it that that ormal feelin can spark a panic attack because it no longer feels normal lol :/ xx

[Harribo]

Yeah haha, its like my head clears and my whole body feels like a weight has been lifted then I'm like oh shit this is not right I feel good lol...then it all comes back haha so strange proves that there is hope though just have to turn those negative thoughts into positive :)

[miffyrabbit]

harribo i can so relate to that! lol mad isnt it xx

miffyrabbit wow thankyou so much for your post and i really appreciate the time and effort you put into that so a huge thankyou i wass smilin whilst readin your post as i know its all so true, i will most certainly be tryin the things you have suggested im fightin this battle with out medication so any techniques ican learn to help me through this is most welcome :) thankyou all the best sherylee xx

thankyou cons :) rashional side of my brain suggested that or a pile but the loopy side of my brain of couse suggessted somethin much more sinister :( seein a gp monday to see if it is indeed a fissure or piles :) xx

em84 and jayuk20 same has happened to me so mad isnt it that that ormal feelin can spark a panic attack because it no longer feels normal lol :/ xx

The strange thing about health related anxiety, is that when time has passed, and the thing that was scaring us witless has gone away, there can almost be a ridiculous, absurd and funny side to it, although at the time we're "stuck in the middle of it", it's anything but funny.*

My health anxiety is compounded by the fact I've got a blood clotting disorder and an Atrial Septal Defect (a hole in the heart), and in 2005 I had a pretty small, but still frightening stroke due to a clot passing through the hole in my heart and through to my brain. It also makes me prone to DVTs - hence the obsession with developing one. I have had suspected DVT and was put on heparin for precaution, but it was not conclusive.*

Whenever I go to to A&E I always preface what's going on by being candid and explaining that I don't know if it's my mind playing tricks or if it I really have got a swollen calf etc. They are aware of my clotting disorder, and because I have a double copy of the gene that causes the particular mutation (Factor V Leiden), it makes me more prone than a person with one copy.*

All that aside, some of the reasons I have been to A&E have been bordering on the Alice In Wonderland. As I mentioned in my previous post, I went once because I thought my eyes were going to pop out. I've been because I was convinced I had got a matchstick stuck in my throat. I called an ambulance in a blind panic a few years ago because I woke up, and my entire right leg had gone dead (but this was not long after my stroke and I always wake up in a panic). A minute or so after calling the ambulance, I started getting pins and needles, because I'd obviously slept in a funny position. However it was too late and I hobbled to the door and felt crushed with embarrassment as I apologised to the ambulance crew.*

Apart from going to the hospital and calling ambulances, I've managed to convince myself that I've had more or less every single syndrome and disease known to the medical world. Everything from Multiple Sclerosis to Tapeworm to Dengue Fever (Going to Thailand isn't a good idea for people with health anxiety, what with all those nasty mosquitos. However, I didn't get Dengue Fever, but I did get Salmonella).*

I can't even watch Casualty or Holby City, because by the end of an episode, I've contracted, developed and caught everything from a head injury to a blocked intestine.*

On a final note, and it's linked to the tip about laughing. Sometimes when my anxiety is bad, or I feel panicky, I go and stand in the bathroom and look in the mirror and laugh at myself - even if I am on the verge of wanting to cry. Obviously, there are times when there's no way on earth it will work, but it does sometimes, particularly when you're letting your mind wander into places it shouldn't - scary places.*

Ta Ta For Now

Miffyrabbit. ^_^*

Edit: I wrote this on my phone and I've got no idea why there are asterisks all over the place. Maybe my post has Chicken Pox!

[LAURA48]

Does sound like piles - by husband had the same thing. Good Luck - Laura

[johansaken]

Its funny really, the rare times I feel normal it scares and worries me so I feel anxious again haha so dumb I know..x

I can relate to this in so many ways.