scared of not coping with son's operation

[mmb]

Hi, my son is having an operation on Tuesday (nothing serious, simple operation but general anaesthetic) and I'm worried that I'll freak out!! I suffer from GAD/depression. I have being down for over a week and today I feel less bleak and a bit more alive... but now my anxiety is taking over and I'm worried I won't be able to cope and I really need to be there for him!! My husband will be at the hospital too but they said that during the anaesthetic I can be in the room with him and I really want to but don't know if I'll cause a scene and panic!! He is the main focus here and I shouldn't be worrying about myself :weep: I just want to be strong enough to be there for my son!! arghhh I really hate this illness:mad:!!!!

[pinkdove]

Hi when i started with this illness, i was so bad i could,nt get out of bed, and during that time my son needed a small op, he is grown up and not a child, and told me not to worry that he would be fine, my anxiety hit the roof as the day came closer, and i just couldnt do it, something i feel so bad about now, his dad took him and picked him up and he was fine, it is something i will never forget as i feel i really let him down, and myself.

could you maybe ask your gp to give you some diazapam to help you through the day? since then i have made myself do things, that have turned out to be a lot easier than i thought, i'm sure you will be able to do this for your son, as your husband can't. i wish you and your son lots of luck. sorry i can't be more help :hugs:

[Stormsky]

The fear is much worse than the event i find... The fear of thinking you wont cope, that youll panic etc... when the day comes youll find the strength to do it ,because you have to, and your body knows that...

[nicola1980]

Hi just wanted to send you a huge :hugs: i would feel exactly the same if it was my son, any mother would but you WILL find the strength to get through because thats what us mums do, i can only begin to imagine how you must be feeling when its your child whether its a small or big op we would all be the same we want to protect our children and seeing them so vunreble is awfull, good luck and i hope everything goes smoothly, keep us updated, lots of love xx
I freaked out when my cat had to have an emergency operation, i ran out the vets crying and shaking so goodness knows what id be like if it was my son!!

[mmb]

Thank you all for your replies,
I know (well I hope) that I'll come through when the time comes but the thinking about is horrific!! Maybe I'm feeling more vulnerable because I had a tough week but I'll just find the strength somewhere...I take rescue remedy and I know I'll be drinking a bottle of it on the day but diazepam might also be a good idea... thank you all for your lovely messages and I'll keep you posted x

[snowgoose]

Hi mmb :)
You will be fine my love honest ..........that strength will come to you :hugs:
Take a bottle of water to sip and do your breathing .rescue remedy ....know he will be safe . you will do this promise you .

Is it possible that your partner can be in anaesthetic room instead of you ?
That does not mean you have let your son done at all . no way .

I think it helps sometimes to have plan B if we feel so anxious . takes the stress off .
So maybe tell your wee one that maybe dad will be the one giving huge daddy hug on Tuesday while he has a little sleep . Mum is going to find a treat for later .
I dont know age of your dearly loved lad .but found through work that sticker books and stickers .....painting books .anything that is distracting helps that is craft based
I worked with children for a long time having day care anaesthetics beside the anaesthetist .
very safe indeed .and the staff will understand your fears .

one tip that worked hugely for the wee ones I looked after was to make this an adventure .
and say once you have had a lovely sleep ........we will have a picnic :winks:

take finger foods in that he loves and nice drink .........and when he can eat after recovery and all well .......make a fuss of having this in hospital ..the picnic word seems to make it special for the little ones .

You will be fine :hugs:..........and if it is too much to be in anaesthetic room .....that is fine .......you have not let him down ok?
His dad will be there for that . You are his mum always .
sometimes we need to be wise enough to know we can do other stuff that will be equally helpful .

hugs and I do understand your fear .really do :bighug1:

[crystal17]

Hope it goes ok, I would feel exactly the same as you do :hugs:

[mmb]

Thank you Snowgoose for your lovely message. I have discussed with my husband for him to be in the room instead of me and he also thinks it's a good idea but I just wanted to hold my son's hand... I also understand that it won't be any good if I'm panicking since my son needs reassurance so I might just wait next door... I am very upset today, being crying all morning !!:weep: And it's ok, I rather cry and be a wreck now so tomorrow I can be a bit more together! My son is at school now so I went out and bought him some magazines, chocolate and packing a bag... I'm keeping busy and that is helping a bit...Again, thank you all for your messages and I'll write tomorrow to let you know how it went... xx

[Helen1985]

Hey Hun,
Just wanna say i no exactly what u are going through, ive just been through the same with my daughter. Shes 1 and had a hip operation, my anx got really bad but you do get through it because u have to and deep down u no that. You will be ok i promise u. My partner went in the room with her, i no i couldnt do this cos i would prob be a blubbering mess lol. And he did say after that he was glad he went in and not me. Make sure u take some water with you. this got me through! And goodluck for tomoro hun xxxx

[Loubeelou]

I too went through the exact same thing 10 days ago. My 4yr old son had to go in for a hernia op and I got myself into a right old state. Much the same as your feeling now I expect.
Please don't worry!!! I know that is so much easier said than done but honestly, he will be fine.
Right up until the last minute I was up and down to the toilet, suppressing tears and telling my other half he would have to go in, then when the time came, I just jumped up and took my little boys hand and we went in.
My heart was racing but the staff are soooo nice and it is all just one big adventure to the kids!
They called the anaesthetic 'Penguin milk' and I held his hand as he went to sleep. I had a good cry once he was under but the staff have lots of experience here and comforted me. They said everyone is the same.

Just remember, these op's are so routine and the kids are so much braver than us adults. My son was up and colouring within an hour of waking up!

All the best for tomorrow and remember....he and you will be fine :hugs:

[mmb]

Hello all you lovely people,
Again thank you so much for all the much needed kind words you have given me :blush:
Just an update... my son is fine, he is recovering at home! I am glad to say that I did manage to hold his hand... my husband was with me and he held my hand! The staff were fantastic and that made everything easier... I was very very nervous before but once the nurse called us it was all so quick I didn't have much time to think... I broke down once I left the anaesthetist's room and cried my eyes out but by then my son was already asleep and I managed to hold his hand... I've been up and down, all the adrenaline going, sometimes I think I will have a meltdown, other times I'm surprised I'm holding up so well! It's a roller-coaster!! But I'm here and he is with me and we are healing together! Thank you for all your words and I can only hope I can comfort some of you like you did for me... xx

[nicola1980]

Thats fantastic news that the op went well and he's at home recovering, it sounds like you coped amazingly well and you should be very proud of yourself :hugs: xx

[Loubeelou]

That's great mmb, so glad it went well for you all and you stayed strong :yesyes:

[snowgoose]

wonderful news !!
So pleased that all went well and the staff kind
but most of all .......you did it .........held his hand .............mmb you have more strength than you think you have :hugs: you coped so well.........be proud xx
Hope you and the lad have lots of treats today
:yesyes: