How can I stop dwelling on something?

[samtheman]

I remember many moons ago as a teen I had a girl friend, first girl friend I ever had, I was mad about her, she cheated with someone then eventually dumped me to be with this person. I dwelled on that thought constantly, and so began my anxiety, panic attacks and agoraphobia, In the the end it didn't matter that she had cheated, I'd wound myself of so much I triggered of an anxiety disorder, it took me years to get better and even now 15 years later I am still not 100% better.

Now another thing has happened in my life and I am heading down a similar route, I can't stop thinking about how unfair it is, I went to bed last night at 9pm, I was still awake thinking about this at 1am.:blush: I'll sum up whats happened quickly, basically I worked for 6-7 years, returned after Xmas to find company closed, it was made insolvent and we where all made redundant, a co worker then buys the company, hires everyone back bar me, and now none of the co workers talk to me, they avoid me. I was always the quiet one, kept myself to myself, I guess I didn't fit in but was a good worker, and its because I didn't fit in because of social anxiety I wasn't hired back.

I just can't stop thinking about it, :lac: Its the fact no one now talks to me, I guess they feel awkward. But I've already started feeling very anxious and on edge like something bad is about to happen. How can I stop this spiralling?

[theharvestmouse]

Sorry to hear that, it can be difficult to forget big life events like you have mentioned. But the cold hard truth is that thinking and dwelling on the past does no good whatsoever. As rubbish as situation is, and we do feel like feeling really angry at the people who have hurt us, but in the end it will only do more damage.

I've had bad times as well, especially with women, and at times it makes me so bitter and angry that its horrible. But this does not good and we need to look forward not back.

Try to focus on what you can do that will be positive, I know its hard but it will make you feel better.

Draw a line under the past events that are hurting you.

[samtheman]

Sorry to hear that, it can be difficult to forget big life events like you have mentioned. But the cold hard truth is that thinking and dwelling on the past does no good whatsoever. As rubbish as situation is, and we do feel like feeling really angry at the people who have hurt us, but in the end it will only do more damage.

I've had bad times as well, especially with women, and at times it makes me so bitter and angry that its horrible. But this does not good and we need to look forward not back.

Try to focus on what you can do that will be positive, I know its hard but it will make you feel better.

Draw a line under the past events that are hurting you.

Yeah I know this, I think sometimes it just takes someone else to tell you to reaffirm what you already knew. Its time to put that stop sign up when I catch my mind wondering back to these events.

[nok_tok]

just remember you are YOU, you sound like a nice guy and unique in your own way, people get hurt and effected by different things more so than others, i am a bit like you in the sense that i keep myself to myself in public groups of people, i dont chat much, therefore probably wouldnt exactctly be considered for promotion, i was once working in a nursery and they needed to let someone go due to money reasons, and they picked me even though i was a good worker, but i lacked confidence with the parents (im not good approching or chatting with people) but i was a good worker...things do get better, loosing your job is hard...

Did your ex ever realise how she effected you so badly? it is a bit of a confidence blow but trust me it's not you! I feel a bit of a misfit alot of the time, always last to be picked for the team type of person, i feel like you need some sort of boost ....

[samtheman]

just remember you are YOU, you sound like a nice guy and unique in your own way, people get hurt and effected by different things more so than others, i am a bit like you in the sense that i keep myself to myself in public groups of people, i dont chat much, therefore probably wouldnt exactctly be considered for promotion, i was once working in a nursery and they needed to let someone go due to money reasons, and they picked me even though i was a good worker, but i lacked confidence with the parents (im not good approching or chatting with people) but i was a good worker...things do get better, loosing your job is hard...

Did your ex ever realise how she effected you so badly? it is a bit of a confidence blow but trust me it's not you! I feel a bit of a misfit alot of the time, always last to be picked for the team type of person, i feel like you need some sort of boost ....

She didn't know but I look at her on Facebook now, she is a high flying solicitor, I have floated from min wage job to min wage job going no where due to mental health issues.