Am i going to be ok.

[maisy]

Hi, i have 3 children aged 3 years, 19 months, and 3 weeks. I have gad, and take meds for it for last 4 years. with first child i suffered from pnd, with 2nd child i didnt have it. i am hoping i am not getting it again. i always feel anxious and stressed. i am sleep deprived too at the mo as baby wakes alot in the night for his feeds. my oldest daughter goes to nursery five days a week in the mornings, so i am at home with baby and youngest daughter. the youngest daughter doesnt seem to want to play with her toys that i give her, she cries alot and throws quite a few tantrums, she was like that before the baby was here. i try my best with her, but she often cries and just seems lost. i am not sure what to do with her to make her happy.

I also feel a little lost myself as all i do really is feed, change, wash, cook, clean etc. i also have a bit of ocd when it comes to everything being clean and tidy, i just cant live in a mess. my mum says i am being too hard on myself and should give myself a break. i am married and my hubby works full time, he helps when he is at home which is good. people say as i am sleep deprived it can make anxiety worse, and everything can seem worse than it is. i sometimes just feel as tho everything i do isnt good enough. my parents come round and help out and used to take us out, but now baby here we cant do that anymore as not enough room in the car, i drive but hubby has car for work, so alot of time just stuck in house. only go out to and from the nursery.

Has anyone got any advice on what i could do please? sorry to moan on, just wanted to vent i guess. xx

[paula lynne]

Oh bless you, you must be exhausted! Sleep deprivation plays havoc with anxiety. They say sleep when baby sleeps, but I appreciate that would be difficult with another child in the house. Your parents could help by taking your daughter out for a few hours, leaving just you and baby to rest maybe?

Does the health visitor still call? or do you have a number? You could ask about your daughters crying and tantrums etc. But at 19 monthes, I think its normal to be honest. Do you have any friends at nursery? Sometimes, sharing a coffee and chat with a friend really helps.

Im sure you are doing a fantastic job. Being a mother is hard work! Try and keep the ocd in check, you will be tiring yourself out physically if all you do is obsess over cleaning.......just the basics is fine. As long as baby has love, is warm, clean and fed, then you are doing exactly what they need. When hubby comes home, take that time to go up to your room and sleep for a few hours, leave kids with him. Talk to him also.

Your mum is right. You are being to hard on yourself. Having children isnt like a pampers advert is it? Nothing is perfect. You mustnt expect it to be. Give yourself some credit. Try and eat well, small meals, and often, this will help with anxiety. Let your parents/friends help. It wont last forever, your kids will grow before you know it. Once the sleep is back on track, your anxiety will lessen and youll be able to enjoy the kids more. You are doing a great job Maisy, dont dispair, you WILL be ok . Take care, Paula x

[Humly]

Hi. I agree with everything paula says. It is so hard with a new baby and especially when you have other children. My son had just turned 2 when I had my second child and as soon as the baby was old enough I used to get out of the house with them both and go to different toddler groups. If not I would have gone crazy in the house all day. Meeting other mums in the same situation made such a difference and your daughter would enjoy it too. I dont know if there is anything going on where you live and how easy it would be to get there but what about getting your friends to come over to you or go to their houses? Just chatting to someone helps. Dont be too hard on yourself, the house doesnt have to be perfect and its difficult for everyone. Things will get better. Take care.

[sickandtired]

Mother and toddler groups are a lifeline....
I know youre tired but try and say...to hell with the housework" ,get to a mother and toddler group whilst your eldest is at nursery.....the middle child will have plenty to do and other children to play with ,people will fuss over your newborn and you,ll get tea and biscuits and adult company.Its hard being at home with 3 children all day.
I have 3 children ...one was at school ,one at nursery and my baby was breast feeding....it was very hard so I know exactly what you,re going through.I was ocd too....but now looking back....how i wish Id have left the housework...it wasnt that untidy,to begin with and it was always clean...too clean!!!
I used to go to Mother and toddler group at least 3 times a week,and if I couldnt find one,I,d go to a play centre.....no cleaning up there either....kiddies can make a mess and by the time you arrive home,I bet theyre ready for a nap....dont be cleaning up then,get your head down for a nap!
Honestly,dont be hard on yourself...you,re doing really well.Lack of sleep is dreadful...and can make everything seem hopeless.Your babies will be grown before you know it and you,ll be wishing them little again!!
mine are 9,12 and 16 now and well,they bring a different kind of worry then!
I had PND twice and its so hard to accept help,but I wish I had.....I wanted to do it all on my own....but it didnt help my general well being at all.give yourself a break :hugs: