The Intro (not the Outro)

[Verkitso]

Having lurked here for about two months, I thought it was probably only good manners to start contributing... and that starts with introducing myself.

I was married to a lady with bipolar for eleven years and walked away before Christmas because it was slowly killing me off. My behaviour was getting more and more extreme, I was spending too much money on mad projects and generally losing myself in my own role as a long-term carer. I was also taking Citalopram, which is how I found this place.

Having been prescribed Citalopram for galloping hypochondria four years ago, I found myself happily scoffing down 40mg without thinking much about it. And then I stepped back and realised that I was numb, unable to feel much of anything and generally a bit... well, confused, I suppose. I've got a withdrawal plan, worked out with the aid of a psychiatrist and I've just gone down to 10mg, which, frankly, feels bloody awful.

So, that's me. Relationship breakup, citalopram withdrawal and... a big hello to anyone who has had the patience to read this!

[diane07]

Hi Verkitso

We just wanted to welcome you aboard to NMP. We hope you enjoy your stay here and get all the support and advice you need.

Please take some time to read the website articles on the left as well for loads of advice and tips.

[Verkitso]

Thanks, Diane. Will do!

[paula lynne]

Welcome along to a great forum! Im glad you found us, youre not alone I assure you. Thanks for your frank, honest post. Nice to meet you :welcome:

[Verkitso]

Thanks, Paula. Like your signature re: being free.

[paula lynne]

Youre welcome :)

[Verkitso]

Sorry to push this back to the top again, but... I've had two weeks on 10mg, went to the gym this morning, start a phased return to work on Friday and... am sitting here wanting to die.

[Bluebelle]

Hi Verkitso,

Welcome- I am sorry to hear you're going through a rough time "...am sitting here wanting to die".

Good you went to the gym- are you anxious about the phased return to work?

[william wallace]

Your psych needs a good punch up the throat. Going from 40 right down to ten is asking for withdrawal symptoms. However, this should level out in a few days and you'll feel better.......
:welcome:

[Verkitso]

Hey, guys. Thanks for the replies, which I've just read.

Well, the phased return to work starts on Friday. And I'm dreading it. Not so much for the work, which I know I can do, but because I'm moving in with the woman who pulled me away from the marriage to my bipolar spouse. What's wrong with me?

[william wallace]

You're obviously more than just a bit anxious and who would'nt be? Starting back to work after being off sick, and moving in with a new partner in the same week would make anyone anxious.
Regards, WW

[Verkitso]

Thanks, WW. That gives me a bit of perspective. Guess I've been dealing with mental health stuff for so long that 'normal' starts to feel quite arbitrary.

[william wallace]

Exactly:)

[Verkitso]

I guess we see how it goes and what happens next. Moving to our flat on Thursday and back to work on Friday. Feels bloody terrifying as the day gets closer... but what's the maxim? No pain, no gain. Or something very much like it. At the moment, the radio comedy series 'I'm Sorry, I Haven't A Clue...' is getting me through.

[Lindy]

Hello there, wow you have had a lot to deal with, agree with william wallace that it's enough to make anyone stress! Just wanted to say good luck going back to work, sounds like a move in the right direction :)

[Verkitso]

Thanks for the messages, everyone. I guess going back to work is a positive step, even if, right now, it feels a bit daunting. As to the new relationship, I guess we'll see where it leads, but living with uncertainty like this feels scary. She's an amazing lady, but I'm not sure that I'll ever be in a position to make this work as it should.

[Verkitso]

Well, I'm back in London (I've been living with my folks in Nottingham for a while) and back at the flat I'm sharing with my new lady. Feel very small, very scared and... oddly, not worried about work. It seems easy compared to the stuff in my personal life. Is that weird?