Melon1
31-01-12, 13:52
Hi...
I have posted a few times on and off over the last few years. Today I feel as if I have got to the point where I am on the verge of a health anxiety melt down.
At the beginning of Jan I noticed a small eczema type rash on my left breast around the nipple area, also a mild aching feeling. I went to the doc and she just said that it was an irritation and to use a steroid cream. I was convinced that it was breast cancer and even though I did a thorough examination of myself (as did the doc) and there were no lumps, bumps or changes, I still thought the doc was wrong in her diagnosis. I went back again with the same symptoms and she said to keep going with the cream.
anyway, a few weeks later, the eczema had disappeared, but now I still had breast pain (gotten worse), radiating to the back left shoulder blade and in my rib cage. I saw a different doctor who said that she thinks I have pulled a muscle and it is muscular. I saw this doctor a week ago, and since then, I have gotten a mild cough and my left lung feels heavy and uncomfortable.
Now AM I IMAGINING THIS? Have I brought these symptoms on myself? This is the question I am battling with. Have I catastrophised some simple symptoms and made them worse? My rational side says that I am too conscious of my body and have made my lungs ache with breathing too much. And my achiness could be caused by aerobics, lifting weights and netball.... I also get numbness in my mouth and teeth.
My irrational side says that too many times the doc has given me the all clear so this time I must have a terminal illness (Lung Cancer now!). I look very pale with sunken eyes, feel utterly miserable and long to get rid of this HA.
I feel as if I go on all the time about my health to my poor husband. Check this, check that and everytime I look at my children I imagine them withouth their mum. It absolutely breaks my heart. I wish I could be an optimist. Before having children I was much more so. I never had any anxiety or depression.
My thought pattern nowadays seems to be the norm. I am rarely happy and can't remember the last time I really looked forward to something. I have so much to look forward to as well. Center parcs, spain, camping, 40th birthday do's.... why????
I have a great life with a wonderful family and I wish this HA would leave me alone. I tried CBT and that did not really work for me. I tried a counsellor too, and she was lovely, but I just need someone to tell me I will not get cancer and then I will be okay. I just think that one day Cancer will get me no matter what I do. I would just ask my doc to let me have a chest xray, but I have already had two over the last four years, and worry about the effects of radiation.
I see old people in the street and think ' oh look some people live to a good old age' I really hope that is me. (I am 38 by the way) I constantly think about dying.
I am still able to partake in my fitness activities and am still able to do them fully. My breathing is okay. I do notice my chest and shoulder blade still hurting though.
I have recently had a wood burning stove fitted in my lounge which is so lovely. Until I read that they can give off cancerous chemicals if not used properly....! Great!, will probably never use it again now.
Everything is bad for you... I used to smoke, properly from the age of 17, on and off social smoking from the age of 28 and completely gave up 3 years ago. I drink in moderation, but stay away from parabens in beauty products and cosmetics, use natural cleaning agents and eat a very healthy diet. I can't watch anything on the tv about cancer and never read any magazines with 'true life' stories in them...
I want my old life back and to feel well again with no symptoms, real or imagined!! I want to laugh and share loads of jokes with my husband just like we used to. I want my sex life back. I am totallly off sex and just want cuddles.... I feel as if I push my family away, so if there is something wrong with me, they will not miss me when I am gone.
I am sorry. This is a bit of a rant and I wonder if anyone else feels like me. I am just typing up what I pretty much feel right now!
I hope that one day we can all get over this. Does anyone know of any good books to help.
Lots of love
Helen
xx
I have posted a few times on and off over the last few years. Today I feel as if I have got to the point where I am on the verge of a health anxiety melt down.
At the beginning of Jan I noticed a small eczema type rash on my left breast around the nipple area, also a mild aching feeling. I went to the doc and she just said that it was an irritation and to use a steroid cream. I was convinced that it was breast cancer and even though I did a thorough examination of myself (as did the doc) and there were no lumps, bumps or changes, I still thought the doc was wrong in her diagnosis. I went back again with the same symptoms and she said to keep going with the cream.
anyway, a few weeks later, the eczema had disappeared, but now I still had breast pain (gotten worse), radiating to the back left shoulder blade and in my rib cage. I saw a different doctor who said that she thinks I have pulled a muscle and it is muscular. I saw this doctor a week ago, and since then, I have gotten a mild cough and my left lung feels heavy and uncomfortable.
Now AM I IMAGINING THIS? Have I brought these symptoms on myself? This is the question I am battling with. Have I catastrophised some simple symptoms and made them worse? My rational side says that I am too conscious of my body and have made my lungs ache with breathing too much. And my achiness could be caused by aerobics, lifting weights and netball.... I also get numbness in my mouth and teeth.
My irrational side says that too many times the doc has given me the all clear so this time I must have a terminal illness (Lung Cancer now!). I look very pale with sunken eyes, feel utterly miserable and long to get rid of this HA.
I feel as if I go on all the time about my health to my poor husband. Check this, check that and everytime I look at my children I imagine them withouth their mum. It absolutely breaks my heart. I wish I could be an optimist. Before having children I was much more so. I never had any anxiety or depression.
My thought pattern nowadays seems to be the norm. I am rarely happy and can't remember the last time I really looked forward to something. I have so much to look forward to as well. Center parcs, spain, camping, 40th birthday do's.... why????
I have a great life with a wonderful family and I wish this HA would leave me alone. I tried CBT and that did not really work for me. I tried a counsellor too, and she was lovely, but I just need someone to tell me I will not get cancer and then I will be okay. I just think that one day Cancer will get me no matter what I do. I would just ask my doc to let me have a chest xray, but I have already had two over the last four years, and worry about the effects of radiation.
I see old people in the street and think ' oh look some people live to a good old age' I really hope that is me. (I am 38 by the way) I constantly think about dying.
I am still able to partake in my fitness activities and am still able to do them fully. My breathing is okay. I do notice my chest and shoulder blade still hurting though.
I have recently had a wood burning stove fitted in my lounge which is so lovely. Until I read that they can give off cancerous chemicals if not used properly....! Great!, will probably never use it again now.
Everything is bad for you... I used to smoke, properly from the age of 17, on and off social smoking from the age of 28 and completely gave up 3 years ago. I drink in moderation, but stay away from parabens in beauty products and cosmetics, use natural cleaning agents and eat a very healthy diet. I can't watch anything on the tv about cancer and never read any magazines with 'true life' stories in them...
I want my old life back and to feel well again with no symptoms, real or imagined!! I want to laugh and share loads of jokes with my husband just like we used to. I want my sex life back. I am totallly off sex and just want cuddles.... I feel as if I push my family away, so if there is something wrong with me, they will not miss me when I am gone.
I am sorry. This is a bit of a rant and I wonder if anyone else feels like me. I am just typing up what I pretty much feel right now!
I hope that one day we can all get over this. Does anyone know of any good books to help.
Lots of love
Helen
xx