managing panic

[sam66]

hi,
Im pretty new to this site and many of you dont know me well.
Im off work and have been for six months, Im under no therapy and stopped my meds due to anx just getting unbearable.
Weither Im agroaphobic, not sure on that one, my home is my safe place but I have lots off hassles lately, actually for a few years with people.
I really do struggle going out.
My neighbours son arrived on my doorstep last night, after a wait as I dont normally answer my door or phone.
Just out of prison, buying diazipam!
Home for me is where Im safe theres me and the mutt and thats how its been for months now.
He was straight out of prison, had no where to stay for the night, his mum wont take him, so I said ok, stay here, I cooked him a dinner he had a shower, Ive known this lad since he was six, his dad died while he was in prison, he's a heroin addict.
Now I have watched for most of my life a brother destroy himself with heroin, my son dealing cannabis from my home and gone thro the trauma of 'tuff love'.
But the lad had no where to go was cold and hungry so I said ok, stay in the spare room.
Goodness how much did that put my panic up, it wasnt in my normal coping stuff, but he stayed and I 'managed' just! but it really hit me how much panic has taken over

[nicola1980]

Hi well i think that was an absolutely lovely thing you did, theres not many people out there who would do whats you've done so you should be proud of yourself :D but just don't put too much pressure on yourself though, you sound like you are a very kind hearted person :hugs: xx

[sam66]

It was very difficult, more for the fact that what drug addiction does to people, I went back thro my brothers stuff, then my sons, and thats when my panic really set in, it wasnt a great night, Im done with walking the streets looking for brothers that have had their heads kicked in, injecting their groin because they have no veins left, my son dealing from my home, where he was raised, my brother wont talk to me as he now has found 'god' my son wont forgive me for saying actually, I have done years of this no more, now I got another addict to deal with, triffick

[london]

he never bought them in prison i dont care what he says
and if he was given them it would not be in pills by the doctor there
god bless

[sam66]

diazipam I took for back pain to knock me out, he was just hyper, walking around couldnt sit, it was a very difficult night for me, way from my confort zone, but he has no where to go hes lost his Dad, his Mum wont have him, He's my sons age

[nicola1980]

oh so he wanted to buy some diazepam off you?? sorry im a bit confused now xx

[sam66]

no he 'bought' it in prison, I take it for back pain only when I need it

[nicola1980]

Oh so you brought some off him? X x

[sam66]

no nicola he was realsed from prison, he came to me, I cant afford medication even for my back, he told me he was on diazipam which he 'bought', was strutting my house for most of the night, totally hyper, ok what do I do with him?

[macc noodle]

tell him to get lost and lock the door !

you have enough on your plate looking after yourself - you do not need the stress of this guy - there is a good reason why his parents won't have him back!

[sam66]

you were right macc, he bought his mate here tonight with a bag full of stolen dvds, both off their faces, Im live alone, I texted my son who demanded to come round, but they are now gone, my door is locked and I need to calm down

[Haybee]

what you did was so kind. but please distance yourself from this lad now, you need to put yourself first. you offered him a bed for the night, now you need to step back and let him sort himself out. the last thing you need is to deal with people that drain you- and a drug addict involved in crime would make anyone jumpy. by all means be polite and nice to him if he shows up again, but explain that he's putting you in a difficult position, especially as you know his parents. i hope things improve for you xxx

[Nero]

Judging by how you yourself have had trouble with your own son being an addict, taking in this boy for the night was probably a good decision, even if it did bring up your panic levels.

If he is returning to your house off his head and with friends then you should draw the line and think about yourself. Helping others could help you to feel more positive about yourself, but not if they add to your problems and eventually raise your panic.