garethglasgow
01-02-12, 23:12
Here is a bit of background to my situation.
About 10 months ago I got absolutely hammered on drink and went to work the next day, I needed to go 3 stops on the train and 3 on the Subway to get to work, I got on the train (a busy commuter train with no toilet) and immediately felt terrible and thought I was going to be sick and started to worry a bit about what the hell I was going to do if I was actually sick on a moving packed train. I jumped off at the next stop for some air and thought nothing of it. I got on the next one and again had to get off at the next stop, same thing, thought I was gonna throw up and jumped off. Next train came, I got on it, immediately thought "I'm not gonna make it to the next stop" and jumped back off before the doors closed, next train came and I didn't get on giving myself more time, I eventually got on the next one and made it to the Subway. Similar story on Subway, got on then off at the next station, got on the next one and got off a stop early and just walked.
I got into work, felt really hungover and sick and went home, I managed to do the reverse journey an hour later with no real problems, no jumping off at stations on the way. I thought nothing of it, laughed it off with the usual "I'm not drinking on a work night ever again" banter.
Had no problems for a few months then I began to notice that sometimes on trains (I use them to get to work every day) I would feel weird, and it started racing through my mind "what if I'm sick" (and these are normal days, not ones where I'd been drinking the previous night). Then a few months later I would get these feelings of nervousess more frequently on my journey.
By this point I had moved but was still commuting by train and subway on a different train line. The old line I took was a commuter line with about 2-3 mins between stops. My new route takes me into Glasgow Central so the first 4 stops are 2 mins between but the last one is 6 minutes on the timetable and sometimes a few minutes longer in the morning when it is busy and you get held at a signal. I then started to think "Christ I'd always be able to hold my sickness in for 2 minutes and jump off but it's a hell of a way from here into Central". Twice I have got off at the last station before Central and walked a long route to join the Subway at a different station.
Again I should say this isn't happening after I've been drinking the night before and never in my life have I been travel sick or scared of any form of transport.
Fast forward again and waiting to depart Central just before Christmas I freaked out, thought I needed to lie down, thought I was going to be sick, couldn't focus on my newspaper, put my head in my hands and started to concentrate on my breathing. This terrible feeling lasted only for about 20 seconds, I then convinced myself to 'man up' and made it home.
Today I was waiting for a flight at Gatwick and was sitting in a cafe reading a book, all of a sudden I couldn't concentrate on the book and again I started to freak out with the added concerns of being in unfamiliar surroundings, what happens if I miss my flight cause of this, I can't get outside for air, etc. Again the real bad feeling was maybe 20-30 seconds, then a couple of minutes feeling weird and thinking everything through before it went away. I flew home fine.
Now I am finding this all a bit weird, but for personal reasons I do not want to go to a doctor and get prescribed anything that might 'calm me down' etc. I'm also super cynical about everything but was wondering if there is anyone I could go and speak to or anything else people would recommend, experiences of self medicating I guess.
It doesn't make any sense to me, I'm not a nervous person, in fact I'm a very confident person. I'm also a straight thinking logical person, I've never actually been sick on a train, I know I'm not going to be sick on a train, this just seems so irrational.
Another thing, I notice I worry more when the trains are busy. I also don't get the same feeling on the Subway, only the train (although today it happened at Gatwick but I fly regularly, albeit using different airports and have never had a problem).
Edited to add, I'm now aware of the fear of the fear problem and when these thoughts come into my mind I can rationalise them virtually every time, but clearly not 100% of the time.
About 10 months ago I got absolutely hammered on drink and went to work the next day, I needed to go 3 stops on the train and 3 on the Subway to get to work, I got on the train (a busy commuter train with no toilet) and immediately felt terrible and thought I was going to be sick and started to worry a bit about what the hell I was going to do if I was actually sick on a moving packed train. I jumped off at the next stop for some air and thought nothing of it. I got on the next one and again had to get off at the next stop, same thing, thought I was gonna throw up and jumped off. Next train came, I got on it, immediately thought "I'm not gonna make it to the next stop" and jumped back off before the doors closed, next train came and I didn't get on giving myself more time, I eventually got on the next one and made it to the Subway. Similar story on Subway, got on then off at the next station, got on the next one and got off a stop early and just walked.
I got into work, felt really hungover and sick and went home, I managed to do the reverse journey an hour later with no real problems, no jumping off at stations on the way. I thought nothing of it, laughed it off with the usual "I'm not drinking on a work night ever again" banter.
Had no problems for a few months then I began to notice that sometimes on trains (I use them to get to work every day) I would feel weird, and it started racing through my mind "what if I'm sick" (and these are normal days, not ones where I'd been drinking the previous night). Then a few months later I would get these feelings of nervousess more frequently on my journey.
By this point I had moved but was still commuting by train and subway on a different train line. The old line I took was a commuter line with about 2-3 mins between stops. My new route takes me into Glasgow Central so the first 4 stops are 2 mins between but the last one is 6 minutes on the timetable and sometimes a few minutes longer in the morning when it is busy and you get held at a signal. I then started to think "Christ I'd always be able to hold my sickness in for 2 minutes and jump off but it's a hell of a way from here into Central". Twice I have got off at the last station before Central and walked a long route to join the Subway at a different station.
Again I should say this isn't happening after I've been drinking the night before and never in my life have I been travel sick or scared of any form of transport.
Fast forward again and waiting to depart Central just before Christmas I freaked out, thought I needed to lie down, thought I was going to be sick, couldn't focus on my newspaper, put my head in my hands and started to concentrate on my breathing. This terrible feeling lasted only for about 20 seconds, I then convinced myself to 'man up' and made it home.
Today I was waiting for a flight at Gatwick and was sitting in a cafe reading a book, all of a sudden I couldn't concentrate on the book and again I started to freak out with the added concerns of being in unfamiliar surroundings, what happens if I miss my flight cause of this, I can't get outside for air, etc. Again the real bad feeling was maybe 20-30 seconds, then a couple of minutes feeling weird and thinking everything through before it went away. I flew home fine.
Now I am finding this all a bit weird, but for personal reasons I do not want to go to a doctor and get prescribed anything that might 'calm me down' etc. I'm also super cynical about everything but was wondering if there is anyone I could go and speak to or anything else people would recommend, experiences of self medicating I guess.
It doesn't make any sense to me, I'm not a nervous person, in fact I'm a very confident person. I'm also a straight thinking logical person, I've never actually been sick on a train, I know I'm not going to be sick on a train, this just seems so irrational.
Another thing, I notice I worry more when the trains are busy. I also don't get the same feeling on the Subway, only the train (although today it happened at Gatwick but I fly regularly, albeit using different airports and have never had a problem).
Edited to add, I'm now aware of the fear of the fear problem and when these thoughts come into my mind I can rationalise them virtually every time, but clearly not 100% of the time.