Very strange health anxiety development

[87beki]

Hi guys,
I started experiencing health anxiety 3 and a half years ago following the death of my mum and then witnessing my sister have her first ever seizure (she was later diagnosed with epilepsy and I was the only person with her at the time). From that moment on I became a totally different person from the one I was before, from never worrying about anything to the extent that I would do stupid things like taking drugs and climbing over balconies, to worrying about every single thing. I'm sure you all know what I mean so I won't go into details, suffice to say that since then I have been tested from brain tumours, heart diseases, cancer, you name it. Anyway, recently my anxiety has taken a frightening turn in that I am now alternately afraid that I am dying of something OR that I am goin to harm myself in some way. I must stress that I DON'T want to hurt myself, self harm, kill myself, anything like that. It is that I am afraid that I will, which makes no sense to a logical person. The upshot of this, and the reason that I am posting on here at almost 5am, unable to sleep through the state I have got myself into, is that on Saturday night I went out with friends and drank a lot more than I would usually do. I don't rememeber coming home or going to bed etc, very unusual for me. As I can't remember, my brain has decided to fill in for me and I am now petrified that I came in and took an overdose of something. There is a packet of Anadin, untouched, in my drawer, that I am aware of because I get headaches sometimes so that's why I bought them. However, having gone rummaging this evening, at the back of the drawer, under a pile of stuff, I have found a packet of paracetamol with 13 tablets missing. I have no idea how long they have been there for, and it is obvious even to me that it is HIGHLY unlikely that I came in drunk, went rooting in my drawer, ignored the obvious packet sitting there, found a packet that I wasnt aware of, randomly took 13, then put the box back again and hid it, before going to sleep. As I write I am aware of how ludicrous this is. And yet I have managed to convince myself that I am going to die of an overdose any day now. It is now 5 days (over 120 hours) since this would have occurred, and as today I have been feeling nauseous and had some right side pain I am absolutely convinced that this is the start of my body shutting down and dying. I would like to point out that it is not uncommon at all for me to feel nauseous or have pains in my side, its something I've been meaning to see a doctor about for some time, but as it is intermittent I haven't got round to it.
I apologise for the insanely long post but I am at my wits end, I don't know whether to stay up and ring the doctors first thing for an appointment, but if I did what would I even tell them? How can I reassure myself that I am going to be ok? I know nothing short of a normal liver function test will do, so my mind is telling me to get to the doctors asap and get one done. Help, I'm going insane :(

[crystal17]

Hi Beki,

I think you should maybe go to the doctors to talk to them about your worries and fears and your anxiety. You can then ask for a full set of blood tests without even mentioning your fear of overdose and any serious problems would be found very soon. Whenever I've been to talk about my anxiety they have wanted to do blood tests to rule out anything that may be causing it so it will hopefully make sense for the dr to do this first.

Ask them to put you on the waiting list for CBT or counselling of some sort, so that you can talk through your worries with someone understanding. What you experience is really common with anxiety and fear of harming yourself is a typical symptom. Don't worry because it is only a thought - you won't act them out, it is your brain playing tricks on you and making you think the very worst things.

Things to do with your mum and sister may have triggered all this and it would prob really help you to talk it through, so just explain this to the GP, ask for blood tests and then ask to be referred.
Try not to worry about the overdose thing, as you said its highly unlikely that happened and after 5 days you would KNOW something was wrong, but the blood tests wull hopefully help put your mind at ease :hugs:

[87beki]

Thank you so much! I am on the waiting list for CBT and hopefully I will be seeing someone soon. I've never been sent for blood tests but I have a week off coming up so I'm going to go to the doctor and have another chat :) xx

[justina]

I think it will be very good for you to have CBT. Maybe you should also see a doctor before that and tell her/him about how you feel.
I am sure that you have these feelings that you might want to hurt yourself as a sort of "protection", you are aware of the feelings which mean you would never really do it, you are just imagining to do it. But for sure your brain does this beacause it is under heavy stress, so therapy is important for you.
About the medicines, maybe you had just had them for so long that you just forgot how many were missing?
Keep away from drinking for a while and make sure you eat and sleep weell:bighug1:

[Ron friedlos]

Probably as the previous person said, you have had the tablets for a while, and as we all think,
"Gosh, I thought I had more of them left"
In any event, taking an overdose deliberately or by accident to end your life is not that easy.
Most over the counter drugs such as paracetamol or even stronger stuff like benzo drugs prescribed by a Doctor, such as Tamazepam or Diazepam, taken in excess will almost certainly make you throw up, as your digestive system is pre programmed to protect you and would not accommodate them. Why not see a Doctor, in these days of stress and pressure they are usually extremely sympathetic and will go to great lengths to reassure you. Had you taken the tablets you would, for sure have woken up surrounded by vomit. Since most people freeze up verbally in front of the quack, I suggest you write a letter detailing all your worries and take it to the appointment and read it to him.