View Full Version : panic and telling family
Hi
The other day I made a brave move and decided to tell my parents about my panic attacks and anxiety. I have told my mum before that i get panic attacks but i made out it was nothing much.
So this time i told them I have suffered from this for 7 years I am on med for it and I told them about one of my more (even more than usual) scary panic attacks I even told them i cant work because of it. (I get really worried people think im lazy because I dont work)
I kind of felt better after telling them it made me feel vunerable because they knew but better none the less.
My mum then told me that she used to get panic attacks as well.
My problem with telling them is they havnt mentioned it at all since that day! not even how are you, or how can we help. Now if I was the mum and my child told me this I would be v concerned and ask if I could help and generally support me! they both seem to be so wrapped up with their own lives that even if you make it blatently obvious you still dont get help
[V] This has relly hurt me because it was such a big step now I wish i never told them.
sorry im going on and on. blah blah blah
can someone help? does anyone feel the same?
Maybe your Mum got through hers by being silent and coping alone and thinks that is the best way forward for you too.
Perhaps if you actually asked her to do something with you alone and you asked her how she coped - then she might open up and talk about her experiences.
Meg
'There can only be true courage when first there is genuine fear'
Dr.David Livingstone
Hi meg
I find it so hard to speak to them anyway. I dont know. Its has mad me panicky knowing they know now. Aghh why do we get ourselves in to unnecessary situations.
rachel x
Rachel,
I told my mother when i was 'getting better' it turned out she has had alot of anxiety etc as well. She though was phonong me (drunk) and saying how it was all her fault etc etc. she ended up really annoying me and i wished i hadn't told her, I agree with meg your mother possibly didn't like talking about panic and assumes u won't either
Lucky
Dear Rachel,
I am sorry that you are feeling a bit bad for exposing your disorder to your parents.
It should be a load off of your chest if nothing else. As it is`nt a "DARK" secret anymore.
You say your mum admitted she has suffered as well.
It could be, and I am just giving my opinion from a mums point of view. Not that it is right, but I think when our children expose something like this to us we are scared, uncertain as to how to react or what to do, and also probably feel a little guilty. As if we as a parent did`nt do something right, or did`nt provide the correct care or proper amount of attention that may have caused this disorder in our child/children.
Give your mum some time to sort things out, and realize that it is nothing personal against her and she may come around and ask questions or even offer to help in some way shape or form.
How long has it been since you opened up to them about this?
Try not to get discouraged dear. You did the right thing, if for nothing else to relieve yourself of carrying the "SECRET" around any longer. Which like I mentioned should be some relief to ya.
If a proper amount of time comes and goes and still there is no acknowledgement of what you told your parents. Then go to them and let them know you really need their support. That it would help you tremendously if they were to support you through your recovery stage.
If still there is no acknowledgement, then don`t get discouraged. Just know that you have done the right thing and we are always still here to help support you and advise you as best we can.
Just take comfort in knowing that atleast now regardless of how they acknowledge or disacknowledge this problem. You no longer need to hide it or feel ashamed. It is in the open and they can use this information to help you or just let you figure it out on your own.
In which case will be just fine too, because you have tons of friends and supporters here so no worriers dear.
Take care and best wishes to ya.
Diana xxxxx
Rachel
It's a sad fact of life, but you just can't change people or make them do what you want to them to do! You can, however, tell them how you feel about things and you can change your responses to them. So (although I don't want to suggest this would be right for you) you could broach the subject again with your mum. Ask her for help and advice. Tell her how you are feeling about her silence over something that's important to you. Unless you change your approach, she's unlikely to change her response, and it might take more than one attempt to do this. As I think you're finding out! It seems you're starting to take control over the panic by admitting the true extent of how it's bothering you, so don't be too put down by an initial negative response. Keep trying. This could be the beginning of the way out for you.
Jim
nomorepanic
04-05-04, 21:45
Rackel
My mum hardly talked/talks about my illness cos she says she doesn't know what to say.
She said that everytime she asked me how I was, I would say "oh bad", so she stopped asking.
She admits she can't cope with it and her way of dealing with it is to ignore it.
Maybe your mum is the same?
Nicola
imported_n/a
05-05-04, 19:40
hi rachel,,i too have a problem telling my parents the thought of it i just cant bare,because they have never been very understanding parents or loving ,,i really do admire you for having the courage to tell yours have you a partner to support you??i havent which makes this very hard for me,,i have hidden my anxiety and p,a,s from my family for nearly 10 years and in a strange way i feel as thou i am keeping something from them as if they have a right to know ,,but still havent found the courage to tell them yet hhhmmmm,,,mum goes in hospital soon she will be in a week and i dont know if i can make it there due to my agraphobia,,so maybe its crunchtime for me because how do you tell your mum you cant visit her ????anyways i am sure things will get easier for you must be a weight off your mind,,good luck rachellxxdarrenxxx
I guess I was lucky, I didn't have to tell my mum.
She saw the first panic attack I ever had, and the second and the third. And has since seen me in full screaming habdab mode twice more.
Luckly for me she handled them all brilliantly.
Gave me sips of water, dried my tears, and even put me to bed to sleep them off and talked to me until I was asleep.
My best friend, Richard on the other hand didn't handle my panic disorder at all well. I was frequently told that my "Attention seeking agrophobia" was doing nothing to prove my "point" - what ever my point was meant to be?
Week after week I was made to get in the car. I spent most of my time so smacked up on tranqs and convinced I was dying. That I was less than good company.
On the night of my 30th birthday, we were going for a meal. I never made it to the meal. Instead I was curled up in a ball on the kitchen floor screaming with pure fear. It was at that point he decided that it would be pointless for him to visit, as it was "a waste of a Saturday if we weren't going out" and so I didn't see him for 3 months.
I think telling someone you have difficulties, no matter how hard it is, is always the best thing to do. How they handle it, is up to them.
If you don't tell people what your problems are, then it gives them more to fire back at you. And they fire things that aren't true and that are really hurtful.
"You don't want to get a job because you are lazy and don't want to get out of bed!"
"You just don't want to go out, because you don't like the people we are going to meet."
"You haven't been to see your mum because you don't care ..."
Opening up and admiting your problems is the hardest thing to do, but at least once they are out in the open you don't have to hide anymore.
Love, light and Best wishes
Liz xxx
With hard work and determination and all the things you know.
The world is there for you to take. There's nowhere you can't go.
[:p]Scatty Eccentric & 'Poet Laureate to panic and anxiety'
Hi, Rackel. I was so touched by this sentence of yours - "I get really worried people think im lazy because I dont work." My family handled the news of my panic attacks very well, but I told a friend, (after spending weeks trying to get up my nerve) and her response was "OF COURSE you're having panic attacks! You never get out of the house! Maybe if you had a job..."
Well duh! The reason I don't get out of the house is because I have panic attacks! Some people just don't know how to handle news like this. Other people (like my friend) may take the opportunity to make themselves feel superior by blaming your problem on something you DO, that they are "smart enough" not to do. (SHE gets out and does things, I don't. Therefore, I cause my own panic attacks.)
Regarding your mother's reaction, maybe discussing panic makes her uncomfortable because she has suffered herself. I know that for me, talking about panic can bring on a panic attack.
Whatever their reaction, you've done the right thing by telling them. Stay strong and know that you are not alone.
Hi All,
Just wanted to add that I agree with all replies.
I think no matter what the out come of exposing your disorder to someone is, it is always best to tell for your own health.
Like you all mention in your posts though there are those who will never understand and are afraid of what they don`t understand and instead of trying to educate themselves they point fingers and blame us, but oh well it could be worse.
They could be right!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Which clearly they are not) :-/
Rachel.......
Just want to confirm also that I think you have done the right thing no matter what.
Liz.............
I am so happy that your mum was such a support for you when your attacks began. :)
Take care all,
Diana xxxx
Hi rachel
just saw your message. I am a mother of a 27 year old son who suffers with panic attacks, agorophobia and has a drink problem. I think I am quite the opposite to your mum.
All I want to do is help my son, who often rejects any help. I read up all I can about these conditions.
My husband on the other hand keeps it close to his chest.
I hope, Rachel, you are feeling much better now.
Vilma
Hiya Vilma,
Welcome aboard!!!!!!
I am so pleased to see a parent on here doing research to help their child.
You have found the best site here to learn about this disorder.
It is so refreshing to see a parent interested enough to want to learn all they can so that they can support their child.
I am very moved. :)
Don`t get to discouraged mum, your son will come around sooner or later. Just keep learning all you can and be very patient and just be there when he comes to you.
Take care and best wishes to ya dear,
Diana xxxx
Vilma,
it is really great for a mother to take such an active interest in her kids problems (even if it is hard to understand.) All I can say is that everyone is different and he may open up to you when he is ready. and when he does you will have knowledge.
Do you think the alcohol could be triggering the panics?? does he know (or admit) he has an aclohol problem?
Take Care and any questions just shout
Lucky
Hi guys thank you so much for your responses to my mail. I have told my mum again I brought it up out of the blue. and I told her loads. I told her all of my symptoms the dizzyness, panic,not being able to get a job, anger, shaking, thinking your going crazy blah blah. she did seem to understand. She hasnt mentioned it again but I do feel better because she knows the extent of it and i told her how debilitating this really is. She responded in a positive way saying I have made a really good first step by telling people i have the problem and not hiding it. I still think she doednt know the extent of this illness but she knows!
When i can afford it i am going to see a counciller and sort myself out.
This website has made me come so far in beating this
Long way to go but Thank you.
Excellent Rackel and good for oyu for reinforcing it by bringing it up again.
It is really tough to have someone close to you suddenly come out with all this stuff.
It will bring up emotions and questions within themselves ranging from - did they as a parent do anything wrong to bring this onto you - to how could I as a Mum not have known about this earlier ...
You got a great response from her.. Over the next few visits with her she may have questions and concerns . You could print her off stuff to read too.
Good for you Rackel for doing something about it .
You don't need to wait to see a counsellor to start to do something about sorting yourself out. You are strong and resourceful .... DIY it for the moment.
Meg
'There can only be true courage when first there is genuine fear'
Dr.David Livingstone
Hiya Rackel,
Good news dear. :)
Good on you for bringing it up again to your mum.
I suspect you will start getting questions from her about this disorder and wanting to know everything she can about it.
You can both help each other. You can help her gain knowledge of this disorder with what you have learned and experienced, and she can be supportive of your feelings and symptoms as she becomes educated on it.
You may have started something Rackel, something positive for you and your mum. Something that can only bring you closer as you start to recover from this suffering. :)
I wish you well. I am so pleased that your mums response was positive this time.
I think this new positive response is going to help you out a bunch.
Keep up the great work dear.
One "BIG" step out of the way ey?????
No more hiding atleast, I think that lessens alot of the anxiety by itself.
Keep us updated on how you are getting on with things.
Take care and best wishes go out to ya Rackel.
Love Diana xxxxx
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