Here we go again...blip or breakdown?

[kittikat]

I dont really know where to start, just recently returned to work following a complete breakdown in November. Some work stress, some just me (anx/panic sufferer on & off 6 yrs) and some due to my son, in his 20's, still at home, had some big probs at work and ended up handing his notice in. This was a new job, promotion, and his dream, but in reality it all turned into a nightmare for him, and caused me major worry along the way.

Anyway, I felt I had really made progress, still got some issues to overcome and waiting for CBT. On diaz at the mo. Here's the problem...son got another job, 3 month trial, loved it, really happy and settled (one less thing for me to worry about) and then bang! They are not keeping him on. He's upset, a bit down and I'm now feeling on the 'edge' again. I just can't handle all the worry and I feel so sorry for him. It's like he's been kicked in the teeth and I hate to see him like this. He also needs the money as he has a loan to be repaid monthly and I can't help him financially. I just don't know what to do, I spend all day & night worrying and scouring the net for jobs in the hope that there will be a suitable position for him. I feel so upset and this has really impacted on the good progress I was making.

Sorry for the long post...don't really know what I expect to hear from you guys, but I feel that I am so on that 'slippery slope' again and I just can't handle all this worry at the moment.

Any advice, however small would be appreciated. Thanks.

[pinkdove]

Hi kittikat, i know what it is like to worry about a grown up son, but i;m sure he will find something soon, he is young, and yes he is dissapointed, but he will cope, and you will be there to support him.

However you must look after yourself, and try not to worry so much, remember he will cope, and get another job, soon i hope, and i'm sure he would be so upset if he knew you were getting yourself in a state over it.

Hope you feel better soon, and good luck to you and your son xx

[kittikat]

Thanks Pinkdove, I know what you are saying is true, I am just completley consumed with anxiety and worry about this, It's irrational I know, but thats me. I just can't go back to that place I was in 3 months ago, and I feel I am heading in that direction.

I will try to think positive, not easy for us sufferers of this awful anxiety though!!

[theharvestmouse]

I know this is hard but don't think of your current feelings as the return of feelings in the past, it will make you feel worse. Treat this as a new problem that you need to deal with here and now in the present, one day at a time.

You've made progress from when you were in a bad place, this is just another challenge, but you are more capable now than you think. Try not to shoulder the worries of others, your son needs to find a new job and thats his responsibility so try to concentrate on making your life easier.

Don't let this stop you making progress, just try to let the situation pass and carry on your way.

[kittikat]

Thank you Harvsetmouse. I know it's his responsibility and I'm trying so hard to stay calm. One day at a time as they say! I really appreciate your reply x

[fishman65]

Thanks Pinkdove, I know what you are saying is true, I am just completley consumed with anxiety and worry about this, It's irrational I know, but thats me. I just can't go back to that place I was in 3 months ago, and I feel I am heading in that direction.

I will try to think positive, not easy for us sufferers of this awful anxiety though!!Hi kittikat,I know its not easy but your son is an adult and you need to try to put yourself first.Having grown-up children is hard work but there comes a time when your health has to be the priority.

Can I ask...are you on anti-depressants?If not,they might be well worth giving a go in order to prevent that slipping back.And no its not easy for anxiety sufferers like us,its a horrible,debilitating illness isn't it.

Take good care.

[kittikat]

..are you on anti-depressants?If not,they might be well worth giving a go in order to prevent that slipping back.And no its not easy for anxiety sufferers like us,its a horrible,debilitating illness isn't it.

Take good care.

Thanks fishman....again, I know you are right but it's hard to put myself first, this anxiety just takes over :mad:. I was prescribed a couple of different anti-d's back in december but they made my anxiety worse and I couldn't take the side effects so I came off them. I don't believe that I am depressed, but I do know they can help with anx/panic etc. just not for me. It really is a horrible & debilitating illness, and I thank you for taking the time to respond. That in itself helps me so much x

[fishman65]

You're welcome kittikat,I always think that we're all in this together.If I can help a fellow sufferer,then that is enough :)

Look after yourself

[flossie]

Hi kittikat. As the others have said your son is an adult and it is his responsibility to find work. You must look after yourself first. Your priority is to look after yourself and this in turn will make it easier for you to support him.
Could your son go to CAB for advice on managing the debt? They may be able to help him negotiate with the loan company with lowering his monthly payments to a more managable amount. There is also the website moneysavingexpert.com run by the TV money man Martin Lewis. There is a lot of information there about dealing with loans and debt. I have found the site invaluable to paying off our debt. If you can get this sorted then that will be a big worry off your shoulders.

[Wuboo]

I feel like I make progress then bam! Anxiety hits again.

I know it's hard not to feel bad for him but don't spend your time worrying over it because it's not going to help either of you or the situation. I think it would be good to get your heads together and have a chat and set up and plan and see where your going to go from here. Dwelling on the past or whats happening now is never a good thing to do, I think if you can set your sights on something it will give you both something to work towards. Maybe job hunting, self employment, planning something fun etc. Just get yourself busy!

Here is some more information on managing debt http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/MoneyTaxAndBenefits/ManagingDebt/index.htm

For the time being it might be an idea to get your son on job seekers so at least he will have a bit of money to help out with.

[kittikat]

Thank you flossie & jayuk20 for the great advice. It won't help my anxiety I know, but will give me food for thought to help my son through his current issues. I am trying so hard to stay calm and let it go above my head. The links and website info are a godsend thanks so much and will keep my mind occupied working out a plan for him :)