Gareth
07-02-12, 14:00
Hi all,
Would be really grateful for thoughts and advice please if you can...
I am no stranger to the anxiety game, having had a bit of a "breakdown" (GAD-related) back in early 2005, helped by therapy and 40mg of Citalopram. Due to the fact that this illness caused the end of my marriage in 2007, I've had a pretty stressful time over the past 5 years rebuilding my life.
One of the things I've done is build a successful career, in the city where I relocated to in 2007. I now have a senior, pivotal role in this company, and lead a big team, and it can be very stressful. But I am proud that I have achieved what I have achieved.
I am also in a great relationship now with a wonderful lady, and she and I are about to buy a beautiful house together (signing contracts in the next couple of weeks).
The past 6-12 months have been pretty stressful, with lots new responsibility at work, my partner's mother in law committing suicide, her own work stress, illness problems, living together in a tiny flat that is too small for both of us, and spending the past 3 months working on buying a house.
All this has added up to a particularly acute period of anxiety. It hit me like a ton of bricks just over a week ago, when required to give a very quick update on what my department was doing in our monthly company meeting, I felt this massive wave of panic and horrible physical symptoms, shaking, choking. The entire company saw me basically fall apart and I was only able to get a few unintelligible words out of my mouth.
This has been building for about a year. I have felt my anxiety rise in meetings, where I am required to speak, especially high level meetings. I have been able to keep a lid on it, and get out the things I need to say. I am respected as a senior member of the company but underneath, what people don't know is that I have developed a terror of speaking in work situations.
This is clearly not something I can carry in this role. It is preventing me from doing my job properly, and it must be resolved. It has started an association in my mind now I think... the humiliation of what happened has led to very acute general anxiety, and a terror of any meeting or anything where I am required to speak.
I am looking into all sorts of things, medication (been prescribed Sertraline by my GP), CBT, hynotherapy, NLP being just a few. The problem is, a lot of it is very expensive, and as a feel at the moment, the thing I fear most is losing my job (especially at the precise moment that I am taking on a mortgage...)
Can anyone relate to my story? Any words of comfort? Do you think this is "Social" as they call it? Or "Performance Anxiety" or just the result of being overloaded for too long? Am I having a breakdown? Am I doing this to myself... it seems strange that it happens right at the point that we are about to commit to a mortgage... its like my absolute worst nightmares are coming true.
What things have people tried that they have found helpful?
Thanks for any words you can offer,
Gareth
Would be really grateful for thoughts and advice please if you can...
I am no stranger to the anxiety game, having had a bit of a "breakdown" (GAD-related) back in early 2005, helped by therapy and 40mg of Citalopram. Due to the fact that this illness caused the end of my marriage in 2007, I've had a pretty stressful time over the past 5 years rebuilding my life.
One of the things I've done is build a successful career, in the city where I relocated to in 2007. I now have a senior, pivotal role in this company, and lead a big team, and it can be very stressful. But I am proud that I have achieved what I have achieved.
I am also in a great relationship now with a wonderful lady, and she and I are about to buy a beautiful house together (signing contracts in the next couple of weeks).
The past 6-12 months have been pretty stressful, with lots new responsibility at work, my partner's mother in law committing suicide, her own work stress, illness problems, living together in a tiny flat that is too small for both of us, and spending the past 3 months working on buying a house.
All this has added up to a particularly acute period of anxiety. It hit me like a ton of bricks just over a week ago, when required to give a very quick update on what my department was doing in our monthly company meeting, I felt this massive wave of panic and horrible physical symptoms, shaking, choking. The entire company saw me basically fall apart and I was only able to get a few unintelligible words out of my mouth.
This has been building for about a year. I have felt my anxiety rise in meetings, where I am required to speak, especially high level meetings. I have been able to keep a lid on it, and get out the things I need to say. I am respected as a senior member of the company but underneath, what people don't know is that I have developed a terror of speaking in work situations.
This is clearly not something I can carry in this role. It is preventing me from doing my job properly, and it must be resolved. It has started an association in my mind now I think... the humiliation of what happened has led to very acute general anxiety, and a terror of any meeting or anything where I am required to speak.
I am looking into all sorts of things, medication (been prescribed Sertraline by my GP), CBT, hynotherapy, NLP being just a few. The problem is, a lot of it is very expensive, and as a feel at the moment, the thing I fear most is losing my job (especially at the precise moment that I am taking on a mortgage...)
Can anyone relate to my story? Any words of comfort? Do you think this is "Social" as they call it? Or "Performance Anxiety" or just the result of being overloaded for too long? Am I having a breakdown? Am I doing this to myself... it seems strange that it happens right at the point that we are about to commit to a mortgage... its like my absolute worst nightmares are coming true.
What things have people tried that they have found helpful?
Thanks for any words you can offer,
Gareth