What to do when that tiny inner strenght is not there anymore?

[mmb]

I have suffered from anxiety all my life and have always managed it without the need of meds... I always had a tiny strength inside me that used to calm me down, that helped me get through difficult times and move on... but then 2 years ago I suffered a major set back, my dad passed away and I had to move countries 2 weeks later, leaving behind the rest of my family and friends. I guess I had a breakdown because I felt so terrible like never before and my GP prescribed me citalopram which I've tried twice and escitalopram but never managed to stay on them because of the side effects... now I'm really struggling, my anxiety is terrible and I feel so low that I'm scared. And I can't find that inner strength that used to help me and I don't know what to do!:weep: Somehow I always managed to pull through but it's so different now... I can't do without help and I don't know where to go... I'm waiting for CBT and that is taking ages, I'm reading books, taking St. John's Wort and Rescue Remedy but nothing is working... now I just feel tired, sad all the time, scared that I'm losing it... and I so want to get better but feel like I'm running around in circles... sorry about the long thread, just needed to get out of my chest x

[theharvestmouse]

You should stick with Citalopram because the side effects pass and it can really help you out through a tough period. In my case it helped me get back on track when I was in a bad way, like you I had run out of inner strength to cope on my own with anxiety.

[jazzy14]

I know EXACTLY how you feel, mmb. I've just recently been dealing with a bad bout of anxiety and my doctor put me on citalopram about a month ago. She recently upped my dose from 20 to 40 mg, and the side effects are awful. I really wanted to get off of them at first, but I'm trying to tough it out. I also can't help but feel like I've lost that inner strength at times. Lately I've just been feeling really empty and down, like what if I don't pull through this? Just remember that you are NOT alone! I don't want to push meds on you, but you might give the Citalopram another go. I know that the side effects are awful, but they are supposed to taper off over time. That's what I keep holding onto anyway :) I also know that it helps me to get out and somehow be active. Exercise is a great way to release seratonin/endorphins in our brain. I know that you might now always want to, but after I exercise I always feel better for atleast a little while! Journaling is good too, I find that it's a good way to release some of the feelings/thoughts in your head. Stay strong, we're here for you! :hugs:

[Stormsky]

How bizare! exactly what ive been like today, feeling like ive lost my inner strength! and believe me im always usually real strong in dealing with anx... but today feel like crying! feeling sorry for myself.... like giving up and saying ill never be better now.... But i AM going to pick myself up... got lots of housework, ironing and stuff to sell on ebay, so will not sit moping all day..... just went to waitrose, felt really spaced out in there, perhaps bit of derealisation trying to set in, but not dwelling on that sympton either!!! i dont take meds..just vitamins...
You have to keep repeating positive statements, i know its hard, but no point keep letting the negative thoughts take over in our minds... even if i dont always believe the positive statements i say, i still say them!!! if i keep telling myself im gona be ok, then eventually i feel better.... i mean we tell ourselves all the time the negative stuff and that makes us feel rubbish... so the power of thoughts works !

[Pipkin]

Hey mmb,

The inner strength is still there, it's just hiding. ADs aren't for everyone and certainly aren't a cure but they can help. The initial side effects can be truely awful, I had the worst anxiety of my life when starting and I really thought I was going insane. I went back to the GP who prescribed beta blockers for the first few weeks and they were a god send, really helped me through.

Take care and that inner strength will be out to play again soon.

Pip x

[mmb]

Thank you all for your replies:)
Today it was particularly bad and I know that at some point I'll find my inner strength again, but it is hard to believe that when everything seems to be escaping from me... my issue with the medication has being a major problem. .. all my attempts have failed because I'm too scared of the pills, hate the side effects and I think that I'll be finally giving in to my illness and I'm slowly understanding that it doesn't have to be that way... I also know that the meds alone won't help me and I'll only go back on them if I can have therapy at the same time... I don't want to be masking my feelings but I'm also very tired and need a break... what to do??:shrug: such a personal choice and so controversial as well... again thank you guys for showing some support and for sharing your experiences too... hope that tomorrow will be a better day for all of us! xx