Anxious about meeting up with friends

[tisa]

Hello all, a few of my friends (not close ones) are meeting tomorrow for lunch and have invited me along too but because of the dreaded social anxiety I suffer with I'm reluctant to go. I know what it will be like; I'll struggle to join in with their conversation, I feel awkward, I may even feel like running out if it gets too much... Then when I go home I'll feel terrible because I would have seen my friends effortlessly have an enjoyable time and I'll just feel abnormal. It's so frustrating!! Sorry if I've gone on... Can anyone relate to this??

[Lost_L]

Hi tisa,
I'm in a similar position, it's my friends birthday tomorrow and I've been invited out to dinner with her and a few friends. I know everyone who will be there yet it terrifies me. I don't suffer from social anxiety but am a bit agoraphobic. Being out in public terrifies me, where's the exit, what if something happens and I'm not in a safe place etc etc. I'll be sat the whole time uncomfortable and really wanting to just get home (if I manage to get there in the first place!) Sorry I can't help you but just wanted to let you know I understand! Sometimes that helps knowing you're not the only one who feels certain ways!
Laura x

[theharvestmouse]

I stopped being able to feel comfortable around friends, its hard but unless you carry on socialising then it will not improve.

[sickandtired]

yes i agree...the more you withdraw...the harder it gets.
i had a really difficult time before xmas where i didnt even want to go to my best friends one day,i was in such a panic.....this has happened at other friends....even having massive panic attacks.....
Ive found that the more Ive opened up to close friends about my problems the better....
I really thought Id conquered my worries,old memories etc......but obviously i hadnt
i wasnt scared of my friends!........i was scared of my memories

[tisa]

Thanks for all your replies. Laura, you're right it does help knowing others understand & experience similar situations. Did u make it out today? I cancelled meeting up with my friends 😔 just couldn't face it.
Mark, that's how I am; I sit there silent not saying much (if anything) feeling uncomfortable. If I do talk I keep it to a minimum and then worry and analyse what I've said afterwards! I imagine people are saying 'she's such hard work to talk to' and 'she's weird!'. It's so frustrating as I could have a great social life with some great friends if I could only be myself

[Lost_L]

Tisa,
Sadly I haven't made it out. I had one of those particularly bad days (details in another thread) just not felt up to it. Luckily the friend who's birthday it is is one of the two friends that I have confided in so she understands. We're just going to meet up another day just the two of us at one of our homes. We did this earlier in the week and I wasn't too bad, a bit of a brief dizzy spell but soon recovered and I stayed longer than planned.
Hopefully you'll make it out soon. Feel free to send me a message if you ever want to talk.

[tisa]

Sorry to hear you didn't make it out either (Lost L). It's so frustrating isn't it. I too have only confided in a couple of friends - those who I feel can relate to my situation and who understand. I can just about handle meeting up with one friend although sometimes I struugle with that. It seems to be really getting to me at the moment, maybe because im 35 now and its been going on for so so long!!

[cheekychick]

Hey, yes i can associate with this totally! I tooo get invites out with friends (few that i have) and i get a panicked feeling first in my chest & then i can't answer if i'll go or not as i'm so nervous. I also have a friend i have known since i was 8 and she is asking since Dec if i am going to come and see her as she is going to give birth in May this year and i still haven't gone to see her. I feel an awful friend but feel nervous as hell as once before in 06 i saw her and her boyfriend in the shop over the road from me & panicked but saw her first & made some joke about what she was doing in my part of town and then the panic came back again,self contciousness and i couldn't speak properly.I'm sure her fella must have thought i was weird.
I have declined many offers icluding hen nights,partied etc because of this problem.
Im still suffering years later..
My advice to you would be this.
Don't (try your best) turn down any opportunity that comes your way,you WILL feel better in time the more you persevere.Lifes too short and thats how i am beginning to feel lately. Try and say yes to these offers to go out,they obviously don't see anything wrong with you as they choose you to be their friend?
The more you go out,the more you feel confident and when you get back,even if you don't stay the whole night... you are gaining confidence and will feel better for going out. Take little steps and try and stay positive!
I'm here if you want a chat xx

[wools]

I'm the same, whenever my friends try to arrange something I'm always putting it off. Making up some exuse, and then I feel guilty for turning them down. It doesn't help when said "friend" texts you back, and starts arguing with you, such as why don't you put the effort in etc. It's really hard to try and get the message accross, as they don't seem to understand.

[Anxious_gal]

It helps to remember people invite you out because they like you :)

[tisa]

Thanks for your replies! *Cheekychick* you give some good advice there, thank you, you're completely right! *Wools* I think your friend is being a bit harsh on you by texting to say 'put the effort in' that's something you really don't need when you're feeling isolated by social anxiety.
Do you guys mind me asking if you take any medication?