Preparing For Visitors

[Rain]

I heard on Friday that an old school friend who I haven’t seen for over thirty years is coming to visit me in about six weeks time. She may be bringing her two children as well. I am so excited at the idea of seeing her but am also so worried.
My problem is that I see so few people (it’s been 18 months since my last visitor) that I just can’t control my nerves when I meet them.

I will feel such a fool shaking in front of her, and am worried that her children might ask me directly what is wrong with me. I don’t have much to keep me busy and have been fretting over it all for the last week. I wrote to her and explained that I have severe social anxiety. This makes it easier for me, knowing the other person will be at least partly prepared.

I am worried that it will all be too much for me and I’ll need to escape to my bedroom. It would look so rude, when she is coming from abroad. I am also worried what she will think of me having put on so much weight and what she will think of our sofas which have been ripped by our very naughty dog. I guess all in all I feel inadequate to receive visitors and yet if I can control my nerves it will be so great. Has anyone got any tips for how to prepare for a visit when you have such bad social anxiety?

[Stormsky]

If your friend is coming from abroad then she obviously really wants to see you...Once she arrives, there will be so much to catch up on, youll forget all your worry, and like you say youve explained to her in a letter, so should you feel anxious she will help you im sure.. If you cancel you will feel worse...as youll never know how good it couldve been !!
Ive got similar situation tomorrow, my neighbour who i havent bumped into for months, has sent me text saying lets get together tomorrow, she doesnt know of my anxiety probs... ive said yes, but am also bit concerned, but shes only next door, and i will just have to make an excuse and leave her house if i need to!! but once i get chatting i will be fine!! might even tell how ive been feeling!

[pinkdove]

Aw rain, that is how we would all feel, but i'm sure your friend will not judge you or your house, when i see someone i have'nt seen in ages the first thing that goes through my mind is my weight, and i know it is stupid.

You might find your friend has changed too, and if she has put on weight, i bet you would think nothing off it, and kids never really notice things unless they interest them.

Try to look forward to it, she is not coming to judge you, but to spend some time with you, i went to visit a friend in edinburgh last october, and had all the same concerns as you, but it was fine, i felt better seeing her and having the company, the weight was'nt an issue, we just had a great catch up, and a few bottles of wine.

good luck xx

[london]

ok you put on a few pounds but she wont be the same as she was 30 years ago
rain your nice and she will see that. i dont think your panic
i think your both be laughing over the old days to much to panic
god bless

[saro]

Rain.. you can do this. Just remember that she is going to come see you and she will accept you for who you are surely if she was as judgemental as you think she would not be worth knowing. You are going to think the worse but try your best block these thoughts out and remember she isnt there to judge you. It will be difficult but distract yourself and try to be prepared with conversation topics.. if you do start to panic you could distract yourself by talking to them until you feel comfortable. Stay strong x

[london]

how was it rain
god bless

[Rain]

It's happening in about six weeks time. Thanks everyone for the replies. I go through phases of being plain scared and phases of being just excited about it. Right now I'm looking forward to it so that's good. I will let you know how it went.

[london]

your love it you see
god bless

[sickandtired]

I find a good trick to fend off social anxiety (which Ive just been putting into practice lately) ...talk talk talk.....
ask your friend about her kids,ages, names etc
where she,s living etc....put the onus on her ,make a fuss of her children...they can be a good distraction sometimes!!! lol.....then let her do the talking,if you feel some panic rising....try and change the subject...or ask her if she wants a brew? this will give you chance to collect your thoughts and remember to breath slowly,deeply....
if she does ask you about your anxiety.....let it all out,I promise you,you will feel a whole lot better,and you may be surprised to find she can relate to some of it....
Ive been chatting to some old schoolfriends lately,and theyve heard through the grapevine that Ive ' not been well' and are genuinely concerned.......when I begin to open up a little,they say things like..."oh my friend from work's suffering from HA or OCD,or so and so,s been having a tough time.......you wont look silly at all......and you,ll be busy chatting and will actually enjoy her visit.
Ive found lately that my fears have been totally unfounded,Ive pushed myself to do things....Im going out tomorrow night to a do...my first big night out in 5 months.I have a several other 'goals' yet but maybe after my cbt sessions I,ll be feeling that bit stronger.
let me quote you....."Belief is the strongest magic of all" (Love it!)
believe that you will enjoy her visit.....and you will

[flossie]

Hi Rain. Could you buy a few inexpensive fleece throws to cover the chairs?
I have had to do that as we desperately need a new suite but can't afford it. Maybe a couple of new cushions, and some flowers will forgive the condition of the sofas.
Your friend wants to spend time with you after all these years so you must be a pretty OK person. What a compliment. So what if you have gained weight? Be happy with who you are and those around you will love you too. I have no doubt she also has insecurities about her appearance. Isn't that what us woman are known for?
Dig out any old school photos you may have hidden away and if you think of any stories from the old days jot them down ready to bring them up in conversation.
Plan a few other things to talk about. For example if you have a lovely garden take her for outside for a little while, if you have a hobby show her some of your work. It will also give you an opportunity to get up if you get fidgety.
I have social anxiety too and have friends who insist on visiting 3 or 4 times a year. I stress out about them coming every time but once they are here it is never as bad as my imagination tells me it will be. If I allow myself to I even enjoy it.
Have you tried exercise and relaxation techniques to help with your anxiety?
Try not to get too worried as I am sure you will have a lovely time catching up with all the news and gossip about old friends.