Hayden
10-02-12, 21:56
I am a Mom /carer to two disabled kids now adults I am married (19 years) I was dumped by my mother and abused by my step mother ,I have struggled through life with my anxiety for a long long time, I sought help a few years ago i had Panic attacks and just could not cope any longer with my anxiety i had counselling ,CBT therapy and i was placed on Citalopram 20mg daily i also had self confidence classes ,but i read something on the net that if i was on the medication i was on there may be a possibility of me loosing my driving licence and being the only driver in the house with two disabled adults i can not loose it (sorry anxiety kicking in) so i went back to the psyc Nurse said i was feeling all better and would like to come off the Meds i lied because now i felt so anxious about being on the medication i had to come off it ,
but now i am back to square one a getting worse,every minute of every day i am either anxious or verging on the edge of a panic attack ,i do not wish to be social at all i dislike going out or family coming around i struggle to answer the phone i can not even take my Dog for a walk around the block with out the anxiety jumping to a ten ,but i do not think i can remember a time when i did not feel anxious about something, my sister called Saturday asking me to take her shopping i was all cool about it to her then i fell to pieces i understand i am just anxious i understand i am not going to die from the feelings my anxiety gives me the pains in my chest my jelly legs my rapid breathing I understand I am not going to die from this i also know what causes it but i still cant make it go away I am tired of it i am tired of being me i would love to go for a walk with the dog ,go visit friends in my car or just sit in my own home without feeling the way i do my daughter doesn't sleep much but when she does and i finally get some sleep it just does not feel like i have slept at all ,people say to me you need time away from the kids and Hubby get out but the fact is i cant and i do not want to because it is just not worth trying to cope with it all ,i go through such highs and lows of emotion one minute i love my husband very much (which i do ) and feel all loved up like a Teenager again some small thing happens and Bang i Hate him with all my heart and soul and i want a divorce and in my head i am already planning a life with out him and how i am going to cope with the kids the works , I also get very snappy when I am anxious at Hubby i talk at speed and then i start lashing out.
over eating is also a big problem ,but yet i do not smoke do not drink and have cut out caffeine for over 3 years now I also exercise daily twice a day
An every day scenario is this he takes the Dog for a walk but he says he is going to take him a little bit later i can not stand this it freaks me out totally and i am Anxious Pacey and snappy till he has taken the dog and he has to take him every day or i can not cope with him not taking him ,I think i am going Insane I pull my hair to try to make the anxiety go away literally pull clumps out of my head ,i have contacted the Samaritans several times this year and we are only in Feb i can only e mail them though can not bring my self to speak on the phone! ,so i have gone back to the Nurse I am seeing my GP next week then after a while to go back to the Nurse and she is going to refer me for some one to one with specialist Nurses but she didn't explain it and being anxious i didn't ask ! all i know is I am driving my husband mad and myself i want a life i do not want to be me any more i have garbled though that should have wrote it out before i typed !! Sorry
Came across this site while looking for one that the Nurse directed me too ,well that's me :blush: sorry
but now i am back to square one a getting worse,every minute of every day i am either anxious or verging on the edge of a panic attack ,i do not wish to be social at all i dislike going out or family coming around i struggle to answer the phone i can not even take my Dog for a walk around the block with out the anxiety jumping to a ten ,but i do not think i can remember a time when i did not feel anxious about something, my sister called Saturday asking me to take her shopping i was all cool about it to her then i fell to pieces i understand i am just anxious i understand i am not going to die from the feelings my anxiety gives me the pains in my chest my jelly legs my rapid breathing I understand I am not going to die from this i also know what causes it but i still cant make it go away I am tired of it i am tired of being me i would love to go for a walk with the dog ,go visit friends in my car or just sit in my own home without feeling the way i do my daughter doesn't sleep much but when she does and i finally get some sleep it just does not feel like i have slept at all ,people say to me you need time away from the kids and Hubby get out but the fact is i cant and i do not want to because it is just not worth trying to cope with it all ,i go through such highs and lows of emotion one minute i love my husband very much (which i do ) and feel all loved up like a Teenager again some small thing happens and Bang i Hate him with all my heart and soul and i want a divorce and in my head i am already planning a life with out him and how i am going to cope with the kids the works , I also get very snappy when I am anxious at Hubby i talk at speed and then i start lashing out.
over eating is also a big problem ,but yet i do not smoke do not drink and have cut out caffeine for over 3 years now I also exercise daily twice a day
An every day scenario is this he takes the Dog for a walk but he says he is going to take him a little bit later i can not stand this it freaks me out totally and i am Anxious Pacey and snappy till he has taken the dog and he has to take him every day or i can not cope with him not taking him ,I think i am going Insane I pull my hair to try to make the anxiety go away literally pull clumps out of my head ,i have contacted the Samaritans several times this year and we are only in Feb i can only e mail them though can not bring my self to speak on the phone! ,so i have gone back to the Nurse I am seeing my GP next week then after a while to go back to the Nurse and she is going to refer me for some one to one with specialist Nurses but she didn't explain it and being anxious i didn't ask ! all i know is I am driving my husband mad and myself i want a life i do not want to be me any more i have garbled though that should have wrote it out before i typed !! Sorry
Came across this site while looking for one that the Nurse directed me too ,well that's me :blush: sorry