My head is in pieces; I have never felt so low...

[Dan21]

Hi All.

Well. I’m struggling. I mean really, really struggling. On top of having to deal with everything that has happened with Dad, I can feel my health anxiety starting to creep insidiously back into the frame. My lump in the throat is back and if I was scared when it originally appeared, I’m positively frantic, especially after everything that has happened over the last month.

How much can I take? I don’t feel like I’m doing so well, and when I look at it, I guess I have a fair amount of stress in my life right now. Hell, I have a lot of stress in my life. What’s more stressful than a parent dying?

I finish work on Friday as I’m returning to study in July. I have a week off starting next Monday.

My head is spinning. I was awake almost every hour last night and I can’t remember the last time I fell this low both physically and emotionally.

I’m also worried about my Mum who is beating herself up so much over Dads death. She feels in retrospect, that she could have been kinder and more affectionate to Dad over the years and especially over Dads few days. But believe me, she was (and is) an absolute angel.

I feel so out of alignment in just about every aspect of my life.


-----------------------------
I want to go up to my anxiety, smile, put my arm around it and say to it caringly, 'Hey! How are you? How's your day been?'

Then, just as its about to answer me, I wanna throw a sack over it and give it a hiding within an inch of its life.

That would be nice.

[shiv]

Hi mate,

It sounds to me that you and your mum need each other more than anything now. You're lucky to have each other.

The only thing I can say with grief is that it's a time thing. Nothing's going to make you feel better except time and talking your feelings out. Just ride with it mate, that's all you can do. i think that you and your mother are going to be a great source of comfort to each other.

have you tried cruise. The volunteers there have real experiences of grief themselves and have been where you are. I know that's small comfort but talking will make the ride a little smoother.

Hang in there mate.

Shiv x

ps and get back to your gp asap and talk about your HA coming back. He'll understand- it's completely natural in the circumstances.

[chucklehound]

Hi Dan,

I can't begin to imagine just how bad you are feeling after your dads

death but I am thinking of you at this time.

You are dealing with alot of stress and maybe a bit of rest from work

will help you. Have you ever tried CBT to help with your anxiety and

maybe a councellor to talk to, about your dad could help both you and

your mum.

I don't think people ever get over losing a person but maybe it gets

easier given time.

Feel free to PM me if you need to chat


Take care

Chuckle

xxxx

[Silly Blonde]

Hi Dan

I lost my mum suddenly 4 years ago. It does get easier, you will never ever forget, but somehow all the horrible memories of the last few days (that are no doubt all you can think of right now), seem to drift away and you will remember the good times eventually! I never thought I could cope getting married without my Mum around, but I've been Mrs SB for over 3 weeks now and it went ok. I did miss her, but the memories made me smile rather than cry.

I had a delayed reaction and my HA only flared up 3 years later! Its really really good that you are saying "hey my HA is back", rather than "I have a lump in my throat so it must be a tumour!!"

You're half way there, you really are.

You need to spend time with your Mum, but remember you also need some quality time on your own!

I wish that I'd spoken to someone at the time of Mum's death - maybe my HA would never have arisen. Try cruise or any counsellor, but most of all, BE NICE TO YOU. I spent weeks running around helping Dad to sort all the paperwork out, and I never really grieved.

Take it easy and get yourself back to the GP and knock this on the head before it takes hold.

Take care of yourself

Mrs SB xx

[Paddington]

hello Dan,i am so sorry you are feeling rotton,but not surprised!I t is very early days,and you are still on a roller coaster of emotions.Try and go with it Dan,i still think you went to work too early,but hey we do what we do mate ,what we feel right at the time .Your mom too that is soooo natural,the i could have done more thing,,those of us who have lost a loved one knows this is part of the grieving process,a guilt thing that is never warrented!I do think it is good you have each other Dan,lean on one another and comfort each other too,give yourself a break ,and go with the flow 4 a while.Thinkin of you .love mary-rose.xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

we are all in the same boat and can guide each other ashore

[Attsila]

hey Dan I am sorry for all you are going through. My anxiety started 11 years ago about a year after my Dad died. You have every right to be anxious hun. I am sure you and your mom will get through this. I will keep you in my prayers

worrying is alot Like a Rocking Chair It is something todo but it won't get you anywhere