lost myself

[fluff]

So trying to remember a time when I was me and happy it upsets me now wondering will I ever be that person again.I think my life had been slowly destroyed for a lot of years but it happened slowly I always fighted it alone never told anyone the suffering and hurt I felt.My young years have been taken from me, now I'm a mother myself I probely never with feel the same again.I have money worries, problems with my babies father my eyesight has gone really bad which makes me down worried I loose my eyesight now, my body feels so ill and I'm so young, started haveing major drinking nights out took some drugs last night.I suppose the only thing I'm not doing wrong is my son never sees it.I love him a lot but feel bad I brought him into this horrible world which has destroyed me at my age already.I don't know how to get back to being me even halfway I miss myself, is this the way depression makes you feel, and I'm so untrusting of people now too.Thanks for reading even if you dont have the answers.

[sickandtired]

oh huni you really need to speak to someone professional.
alcohol and drugs are a short term way of masking the pain,but in the long run you,ll create more problems....please believe me.....I know....took some serious crap years ago....thinking I was fighting back,thinking I was invincible,that nothing could harm me,I was in control.....I really was far from in control.
you sound very depressed and helpless....I was like this last November but Ive been to the doctors,had some fantastic help ,(a little help with meds) going to my first cbt session on Tuesday and councelling after that.....
and I think Im on my way to recovery.
Its so very hard,but talking about it and admitting you need help is the first step to heal
pm me anytime xxx:hugs:

[Stormsky]

hi... im sorry you are having a real rough time...
do you take meds, or have counselling??
Drinking only makes symptons worse im afraid, and im sure you know that anyway....maybe not at the time your drunk, but the come down after.....
you have a lot of your plate, and really should go see your gp, regarding your eyesight as well....and just to talk it all out with them....
Depression/anxiety are not nice , but you are not destroyed...you can be happy again... we have to believe that right?? ive had it for 12yrs, im not on meds, and some days i find the strength to fight leaving me as well, but i pick my self up every day....
you have a lovely son that needs you to be strong xxx

[fluff]

I was given meds twice but made me feel rubbish had some emergency councelling a while back.Have moved home recently haven't been back to doctor's since as I don't trust them anymore had bad experience in hospital last year bad complication in pregnancy.Was Hopeing this year would b better.Had eyes checked and told just eye floaters and sparks of light still upsets me tho.

[sickandtired]

my meds made me feel crap for 3-4 weeks.....but then slowly,the side effects faded and I am feeling more positive each day.
I know some people can manage without meds,but Im pretty sure they were the right decision for me,I was in such a desperate state.....I really dont think I could have got myself out of it,in fact I know I couldnt have.
perhaps a change of doctor and some more cbt/councelling will help...
I know,once I changed my doctor and found one who was truly understanding,it really was so much easier to talk about things and not feel like a mental case

[fluff]

Yeah they do make you feel really mental but I feel I probely am.What went wrong life can be so cruel at times