panicdiva
19-06-06, 15:42
As many of you know I have been nervous about my upcoming holiday. Well now it is only 12 days away & since Sat. I have been feeling awful!!! The depression & anxiety have hit me hard!! I have been tearful, have pains in my chest, in my stomach & numbness in my gums. I have been walking around in a daze, can hardly eat, been going to the toilet all the time!!! All the usual suspects!!! I feel like I will never be ok again.
I feel like I am completely back to square one!!! Every single time I go on holiday I am like this - & the times that I fly to America are the worst yet. Last Easter, I was like this too & I swore I would never, ever put myself through this again. But no, here I am again!!!! I have been getting Reiki Healing, Hypnotherapy & have read all the books again - but no, even though I was feeling quite positive, no, here I am again, in the same state that I always get myself into. I just cannot turn the what ifs off, the what ifs on the plane & on the holiday. The fear & anxiety have engulfed me yet again. I feel so weak because I am allowing myself to be engulfed. I know all the sayings : panic can't hurt you, you will cope, blah blah blah - I just am not able to believe them - why? why? why? why?
Flashes of being trapped on that plane keep coming up - I do send them away - yet I still feel great anxiety. I keep doing what Dark Angel said & try to switch the thought around & say out loud that I am really excited about the flight - I look at my list about all the positive's about going on holiday. I read this forum, I even pray - yet for 3 days now I have been feeling like hell, & I am losing sleep which does not help either.
I did get diazapam from Dr. (2mg tabs) but have not taken one yet for fear that I will have a panic attack.
I have been taking my rescue remedy & herbal tabs. but yet I am still like this.
I have even said to myself - right - this is the last time you go away on a flight - you just cannot go through this everytime - I say this so that I can feel better & to make myself go through with it (which I know I will - staying at home would be worse than having to go through it). Yet - the fear of freaking out & losing it on the plane is still sooooooooooo scary.
I just needed to get all of this of my chest to others who know exactly what I am talking about. Thanks for reading.
I feel like I am completely back to square one!!! Every single time I go on holiday I am like this - & the times that I fly to America are the worst yet. Last Easter, I was like this too & I swore I would never, ever put myself through this again. But no, here I am again!!!! I have been getting Reiki Healing, Hypnotherapy & have read all the books again - but no, even though I was feeling quite positive, no, here I am again, in the same state that I always get myself into. I just cannot turn the what ifs off, the what ifs on the plane & on the holiday. The fear & anxiety have engulfed me yet again. I feel so weak because I am allowing myself to be engulfed. I know all the sayings : panic can't hurt you, you will cope, blah blah blah - I just am not able to believe them - why? why? why? why?
Flashes of being trapped on that plane keep coming up - I do send them away - yet I still feel great anxiety. I keep doing what Dark Angel said & try to switch the thought around & say out loud that I am really excited about the flight - I look at my list about all the positive's about going on holiday. I read this forum, I even pray - yet for 3 days now I have been feeling like hell, & I am losing sleep which does not help either.
I did get diazapam from Dr. (2mg tabs) but have not taken one yet for fear that I will have a panic attack.
I have been taking my rescue remedy & herbal tabs. but yet I am still like this.
I have even said to myself - right - this is the last time you go away on a flight - you just cannot go through this everytime - I say this so that I can feel better & to make myself go through with it (which I know I will - staying at home would be worse than having to go through it). Yet - the fear of freaking out & losing it on the plane is still sooooooooooo scary.
I just needed to get all of this of my chest to others who know exactly what I am talking about. Thanks for reading.