littleredhen
12-02-12, 22:16
At last I seem to have a found an active forum. I've been searching for years for a support group either on or off line, so I hope there are some real people out there.
I've been suffering depression to varying degrees for the past 25 years (I am now 42). I take sertraline, but don't think it makes any difference. The worse med I took was Citalopram.
I never used to think I had anxiety or panic, becuase i couldn't tell the difference between those feelings and just feeling awful with depression, but I think my depression makes me hate myself and give me low self esteem and then I think everyone hates me and is bored by me and then I can't face anyone and get get really isolated and then...well it;s a vicious circle isn't it?
However, at the moment I am REALLY panicing and feel very anxious. I can hardly breathe right now. My throat is clamped shut and sore, I can't talk and my jaw feels solid. I have such bad tension headaches.
I know we are not supposed to discuss suicide on here, I don't want to do so, but do want to say that I think about it all the time and it's not because I actually want to kill myself (I couldn't do it to my family) but I don't want to feel like this for the next 25 years and I can't see any other way - nothing so far has worked.
everything is just so hard and I can't talk to anyone anymore about it because its just been going on so long it is boring to everyone and no one understands anyway.
anyway, that's me. I'm glad I found the site and hope to talk to some of you soon.
BTW - I've called myself Littleredhen because thats what I feel like - you know the nursery tale about the little red hen who can't find anyone to help her, so she does everything by herself.
I've been suffering depression to varying degrees for the past 25 years (I am now 42). I take sertraline, but don't think it makes any difference. The worse med I took was Citalopram.
I never used to think I had anxiety or panic, becuase i couldn't tell the difference between those feelings and just feeling awful with depression, but I think my depression makes me hate myself and give me low self esteem and then I think everyone hates me and is bored by me and then I can't face anyone and get get really isolated and then...well it;s a vicious circle isn't it?
However, at the moment I am REALLY panicing and feel very anxious. I can hardly breathe right now. My throat is clamped shut and sore, I can't talk and my jaw feels solid. I have such bad tension headaches.
I know we are not supposed to discuss suicide on here, I don't want to do so, but do want to say that I think about it all the time and it's not because I actually want to kill myself (I couldn't do it to my family) but I don't want to feel like this for the next 25 years and I can't see any other way - nothing so far has worked.
everything is just so hard and I can't talk to anyone anymore about it because its just been going on so long it is boring to everyone and no one understands anyway.
anyway, that's me. I'm glad I found the site and hope to talk to some of you soon.
BTW - I've called myself Littleredhen because thats what I feel like - you know the nursery tale about the little red hen who can't find anyone to help her, so she does everything by herself.