paulwojnicki
13-02-12, 14:31
Hi guys,
Hope everyone is okay and feeling optimistic about the future.
I'll give a brief rundown of my history just to introduce myself.
I first had a panic attack in 2003 and it changed my life forever. I genuinely didn't know what a panic attack was until that day. We were travelling in a car on a Spanish motorway and I could feel myself becoming more and more uneasy. This culminated in a massive attack which even to this day is by far the worst attack I have ever had. The electricity that jolted down my left arm was terrifying and I really did think I was having a heart attack.
The attack turned my life upside down and I quickly became obsessed with the fact that this could just happen to me at any time. I became afraid to drive (or even be in) a car in case a sudden attack would make me cause a crash. I avoided bridges and tall buildings because I thought that I might have a panic attack and jump off the building or bridge and eventually I was afraid to leave my own home.I kept worrying about what MIGHT happen. I MIGHT jump from a bridge in a fit of anxiety. I MIGHT crash my car on the motorway. My heart MIGHT stop or explode (ridiculous I know but that's what I actually thought).
Even at home I was having a couple of dozen attacks a day and I wasn't sure whether to check myself into a regular hospital or the mental hospital. I was completely manic by this time and all of this happened within a couple of weeks.
Then I discovered the fact that water seemed to have a calming effect on me, so I spent a lot of time in the bath, or swimming and the anxiety gradually went away.
Only to resurface with a vengeance a few years later.
The attacks this time around were not a severe, and at least I knew what was happening this time. But they were almost as scary and it went on (on almost an hourly basis) for three months, which was mentally and physically exhausting to say the least.
I finally sought help from the doctor, who prescribed beta blockers (at my request, as I was afraid to take anything potentially addictive). They didn't really help. Then I realised that I was at a junction in my life and that I could either stay locked up at home and become more and more afraid of going out, or I could scare myself witless and actually do everything I was afraid to do.
I started off by visiting my local pool and jumping from the 5 meter diving boards, I've always been afraid of heights. I then took up climbing at a local indoor wall, which taught me to focus my thoughts rather than thinking about what MIGHT happen and having irrational catastrophic day dreams.
These activities rebuild my shattered confidence and gave me the will to start living again. Don't get me wrong, I know I will never be the same as I was before that first attack, but at least I have a good quality of life at the moment.
I genuinely believe that scaring yourself deliberately helps deal with anxiety and panic because the more I hid from potential anxiety the worse I became. I also realised after a number of therapy sessions that I am actually quite a creative person, I believe we all are. I'd always been a bit of a day dreamer but once I discovered panic attacks I was having day nightmares rather than day dreams. I found that writing helped me channel my creativity and avoid catastrophic thinking. I've actually written three novels over the last few years and I've got two more in the pipeline. They're never going to be best sellers but they are mine and they've helped me with my issues. I write a lot about anxiety and if anyone would like to talk to me about their issues I am always available via private message, or over this forum. I'm happy to have found this and hope I can assist others like myself.
Thanks, and I hope I didn't rabbit on for too long.
Paul
Hope everyone is okay and feeling optimistic about the future.
I'll give a brief rundown of my history just to introduce myself.
I first had a panic attack in 2003 and it changed my life forever. I genuinely didn't know what a panic attack was until that day. We were travelling in a car on a Spanish motorway and I could feel myself becoming more and more uneasy. This culminated in a massive attack which even to this day is by far the worst attack I have ever had. The electricity that jolted down my left arm was terrifying and I really did think I was having a heart attack.
The attack turned my life upside down and I quickly became obsessed with the fact that this could just happen to me at any time. I became afraid to drive (or even be in) a car in case a sudden attack would make me cause a crash. I avoided bridges and tall buildings because I thought that I might have a panic attack and jump off the building or bridge and eventually I was afraid to leave my own home.I kept worrying about what MIGHT happen. I MIGHT jump from a bridge in a fit of anxiety. I MIGHT crash my car on the motorway. My heart MIGHT stop or explode (ridiculous I know but that's what I actually thought).
Even at home I was having a couple of dozen attacks a day and I wasn't sure whether to check myself into a regular hospital or the mental hospital. I was completely manic by this time and all of this happened within a couple of weeks.
Then I discovered the fact that water seemed to have a calming effect on me, so I spent a lot of time in the bath, or swimming and the anxiety gradually went away.
Only to resurface with a vengeance a few years later.
The attacks this time around were not a severe, and at least I knew what was happening this time. But they were almost as scary and it went on (on almost an hourly basis) for three months, which was mentally and physically exhausting to say the least.
I finally sought help from the doctor, who prescribed beta blockers (at my request, as I was afraid to take anything potentially addictive). They didn't really help. Then I realised that I was at a junction in my life and that I could either stay locked up at home and become more and more afraid of going out, or I could scare myself witless and actually do everything I was afraid to do.
I started off by visiting my local pool and jumping from the 5 meter diving boards, I've always been afraid of heights. I then took up climbing at a local indoor wall, which taught me to focus my thoughts rather than thinking about what MIGHT happen and having irrational catastrophic day dreams.
These activities rebuild my shattered confidence and gave me the will to start living again. Don't get me wrong, I know I will never be the same as I was before that first attack, but at least I have a good quality of life at the moment.
I genuinely believe that scaring yourself deliberately helps deal with anxiety and panic because the more I hid from potential anxiety the worse I became. I also realised after a number of therapy sessions that I am actually quite a creative person, I believe we all are. I'd always been a bit of a day dreamer but once I discovered panic attacks I was having day nightmares rather than day dreams. I found that writing helped me channel my creativity and avoid catastrophic thinking. I've actually written three novels over the last few years and I've got two more in the pipeline. They're never going to be best sellers but they are mine and they've helped me with my issues. I write a lot about anxiety and if anyone would like to talk to me about their issues I am always available via private message, or over this forum. I'm happy to have found this and hope I can assist others like myself.
Thanks, and I hope I didn't rabbit on for too long.
Paul