I thought I was cured!!!!

[ardyce]

I have been doing really well for about 6 months. I would get that edgy feeling like I was on the verge of a PA and just ignore it. My chest pains I was dealing with by just saying YEP! thats a checst pain...part of having anxiety and then go on. But then Friday a new symptom came........dizziness I have never had that before usaually it has all been heart and breathing related. This extreme dizziness sent me into a whole weekedn of PA s and HELL!!! Its back with a vengence!!! Spent one night in the Hospital!The feeling of going crazy, the horrible physical symptoms,the dizziness,the blurry vision,heart pains,dry mouth ,fear,torment,shakiness, being ULTRA aware of everything going on in my body because I KNOW its leading to my death,feeling detatched from reality, feeling like everything is part of my death,sleepless nights, the suffering in silence, the hiding it from everyone, the need of safe place/people and not being able to find a *safe place* because everyone thinks its spiritual or a weakness or a lack of prayer, the fear of loosing control, the dread of dying,laying down and being afraid of going asleep because I know I will die in my sleep,I dont want to be without a vehicle or near acsess to a hospital in case I need to be *brought back* after I die. Chest pains arm pains.....wondering if my children will be raised in a good home after I die!!!! etc... etc... The list is endless ! People wonder *what are you panicking about?" They simply don't get that its not a choice and that I am not stressing about anything in particular and no, I cant just snap out of it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Most importantly I am not attention seeking!!!I rarely tell people when I am having problems and when I get my nerve up to tell I am left feeling even more tense and like a bigger failure! I AM AN IDIOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! .....I am terribly embarressed and alone. This is not something I can control. The disgust and the fustration I feel from my family and even healthcare workers only makes me more ashamed and alone. I feel shaky and tense in my stomach is a huge rock and my shoulders ache because I carry so much stress in them. i dont tell anyone when I am afraid.I cant help this any more than a man can *help* cancer!!!!. I am so fustrated and alone and scared!!!!!!!!!!!!! So ashamed because my prayers arent good enough and now on top of it all my children are starting to look at me funny like they know what a loser I am for having this problem I cant control!!!!!!!!! I swear I CANT control it!!!!!!! If I could I would give ANYTHING to not live in torment!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!HELL!!!!!!!!!!! SHAMED by the people that are supposed to support me!!!!!!!!!I truly CANNOT live like this anymore!

Thanks for letting me vent

Ardcye

[brenda]

I know how you feel that is how I was a few years ago.
so afraid that I was going to die. I wouldnt sleep at night with out the light on and the radio on. I know it sounds daft but as long as I could hear something I knew I was alive :-)
Everything you said in your email was me.

I have got better over the years and am not so anxious as I used to be.
I know what you mean about the symptoms tho. its the fear of the symptoms that keeps you in the state you are in.

Have you tried reading any of claire weekes books.
I know it is hard but she recommends letting the symptoms do their worst and accepting them.
I can do that a bit now but am still struggling but it is working

if you want to PM me feel free.

Pam x

[jackie]

oh if only we could get over the fear of these blasted symptoms

my worst one at the moment is the inner shaking and the overall symptoms of feeling sick, chest pain, arm pain and all the rest, 5 years on and i am still so afraid like you

we are all in this together and i hope we get out of it together because it is horrible i know

not alone

jackie

[PUGLETMUM]

hi Ardcye, yes i know this feeling well, but iv'e felt it on and off since age 14, and i'm 34 in august so i know that there is nothing it can do to me, but that does not in itself stop it from happening, the only thing that stops it for me is to accept it. so that when you started to go into free fall panicking as i call it, where it just comes on so quickly that you CANNOT believe that it is only anxiety - IT HAS GOT TO BE SOMETHING SERIOUS - then you just keep telling yourself every time you have a negative, worrying feeling, that this is panic and you've been here before and you can go through this and survive, and you have to stop demanding that it goes because that guarantees that it won't go. you HAVE to accept it, truly accept it ! please try it, instead of asking yourself over and over when is this going to go? just totally accept that it's there and it will take a long time to go but you can still function, and i promise anyone on here that their anxiety will diminish if they try this. good luck with it emmas

[Attsila]

I am right there with you....it sounded like me too. I have moments when I think I have this beat and then I start thinking about what will happen when I die to my kids, I start thinking about the process and how anyone can die at anytime and before I can cast the thoughts down my body reacts. I just had gallbladder surgery and was doing amazingly well till the last couple days now I hurt all over I can't sleep. I am shakey and back to being anxious all over again......I am blessed that my kids and my mom are trying all they can to help but they are more frustrated then I am. I sincerely hope to beat this soon.....I am sure you will too
Helena

worrying is alot Like a Rocking Chair It is something todo but it won't get you anywhere

[ardyce]

I just read my email and am glad to say I am NOT feeling so helpless and hopeless today! Thank God! I do want to thank all you kind fellow sufferers! I can honestly say that this group has helped me more than anything else. Knowing that you are not alone and being reassured that you are NOT dying is so good! The information is so healing.

Ardyce

[monty]

Dizziness is the worst- but the unconrtollable shaking comes a close second.

I sometimes have vertigo type dizziness but other times I'm sitting down and i think it's the room that is moving.

It's hideous- why does it happen to us?!