sop84
14-02-12, 16:31
Hi everyone :)
I havent posted for well over 9 months and thats because i'm finally on the mend.
My cbt has finished and I have been signed off and I've even stopped taking my antidepressants. Starting to feel normal but the anxiety is still there (i'll explain below)
I came to the conclusion that my relationship with my mother would never change as I wasn't the one that needed to change it was her and unforunatly for me she never will. She hasn't improved much at all her behaviour is still erractic with constant manipulation and guilt tripping. But i've learnt to deal with it.
I sometimes have a bad day when thoughts get on top of me but i pull thru usually thanks to my bf :hugs:whos a great listener.
I would like to continue to post on here to help others as a friend.
Anybody who just want to let off steam go ahead I dnt mind.... I have some steam to let off atm...Today of all days I ran into my ex at the train station! we didn't end on a good note at all and afterwards he spoke to mutal friends about my homelife and things that I had to cope at the time instead of honouring my personal life he basically blurted it all out :(
Anyhoo...amazingly he lives just around the corner from me like a minute away even tho we both originally lived away from our current area.
I got to the train station oblivious walked on to the platform and saw him standing there facing the tracks just minding his own business... I stopped dead, what the hell am I gunna do? pass him? stop and stand where iam? Nope i turned around and headed towards the ticket booth which is a little hut where people can sit. I sat down got my heart rate steady again...didn't wanna have a panic attack and waited for the train.
Unfortuantly he boarded my train but decided to stand in the lobby bit near the doors, I sat as far away as I could but could still see him. During the journey the tension eased and I settled in plugged in my ipod, looked out the window, glanced over a few times and noticed that he had moved to sit down in the opposite carriage.
Anyhoo got to my destination, walked a good distance behind to get into the main station. But then disaster struck and I ran into him :( not literally but enough for him to walk round me arkwardly. I didn't say anything neither did he.
Got to work forgot about it intil.... I recieved an email from our mutal friends saying did I have a pleasant trip in? shit I thought somethings been said?! and it had my EX had posted on fb as his status about seeing me on train (in a nasty tone I must add) I was gobsmacked why shout it to the world?? The worst thing was that loads of ppl that I know thru him but are not friends with had commented on it. My friend didn't go into much detail but still why post that and make it a big deal?? He even accused me of staring and gawking at him the whole time!!
Now i'm panicking that me running into him is gunna be a regular thing :(
Sorry rant over! sometimes you need too lol
Soph x
I havent posted for well over 9 months and thats because i'm finally on the mend.
My cbt has finished and I have been signed off and I've even stopped taking my antidepressants. Starting to feel normal but the anxiety is still there (i'll explain below)
I came to the conclusion that my relationship with my mother would never change as I wasn't the one that needed to change it was her and unforunatly for me she never will. She hasn't improved much at all her behaviour is still erractic with constant manipulation and guilt tripping. But i've learnt to deal with it.
I sometimes have a bad day when thoughts get on top of me but i pull thru usually thanks to my bf :hugs:whos a great listener.
I would like to continue to post on here to help others as a friend.
Anybody who just want to let off steam go ahead I dnt mind.... I have some steam to let off atm...Today of all days I ran into my ex at the train station! we didn't end on a good note at all and afterwards he spoke to mutal friends about my homelife and things that I had to cope at the time instead of honouring my personal life he basically blurted it all out :(
Anyhoo...amazingly he lives just around the corner from me like a minute away even tho we both originally lived away from our current area.
I got to the train station oblivious walked on to the platform and saw him standing there facing the tracks just minding his own business... I stopped dead, what the hell am I gunna do? pass him? stop and stand where iam? Nope i turned around and headed towards the ticket booth which is a little hut where people can sit. I sat down got my heart rate steady again...didn't wanna have a panic attack and waited for the train.
Unfortuantly he boarded my train but decided to stand in the lobby bit near the doors, I sat as far away as I could but could still see him. During the journey the tension eased and I settled in plugged in my ipod, looked out the window, glanced over a few times and noticed that he had moved to sit down in the opposite carriage.
Anyhoo got to my destination, walked a good distance behind to get into the main station. But then disaster struck and I ran into him :( not literally but enough for him to walk round me arkwardly. I didn't say anything neither did he.
Got to work forgot about it intil.... I recieved an email from our mutal friends saying did I have a pleasant trip in? shit I thought somethings been said?! and it had my EX had posted on fb as his status about seeing me on train (in a nasty tone I must add) I was gobsmacked why shout it to the world?? The worst thing was that loads of ppl that I know thru him but are not friends with had commented on it. My friend didn't go into much detail but still why post that and make it a big deal?? He even accused me of staring and gawking at him the whole time!!
Now i'm panicking that me running into him is gunna be a regular thing :(
Sorry rant over! sometimes you need too lol
Soph x