Anxiety about marriage

[lizerie]

Has anyone experienced anxiety about getting married? How did you deal with it? Thank you!

[ems73]

Oh yes
This was a big one for me.
When my boyfriend proposed I absolutely freaked out and that's when anxiety and depression became really bad.
I love him and we're still together 5 years later but I still have anxiety and depression problems.
My counsellor things that I was worried about the responsibility and being trapped which is something I'm thinking about and going to try and conquer.
About 2 years ago I thought I was absolutely fine again, taking citalopram and felt I was definitely ready to get married. I suggested and my boyfriend agreed even though he was worried. As soon as he agreed I started panicking, big anxiety feelings. Had to call it off again and then I was OK.
Really don't know why this happens to me.
What's your story???

[Stormsky]

Yep, i recall suffering depersonalisation and all scary stuff at the time.... but we got married in St Lucia, had a lovely day, it was all great.
Whats scaring you? the day itself, all the attention being on you??

[lizerie]

Well, I've been with my wonderful fiance for 5 years and we got engaged a little over a year ago. He's perfect for me, but sometimes I find myself questioning my feelings and I start to panic. Then occasionally I'll be overwhelmed with feelings of love and feel so guilty for ever questioning it at all. I think it's especially difficult to have anxiety about relationships because it raises questions that just can't be answered. For example, if I panic about a friend who's going on a trip and thinking their plane might crash, I can reassure myself my checking the news or the status of their flight. However, questions like "what if our marriage doesn't work out and we get divorced?" "What if I'm not happy after we get married?" "What if he loves me more than I love him?" are questions that can't be answered. Asking them justto creates more anxiety and fear and yet I can'thave stop asking them! Plus marriaage is a huge change for everyone, so I think it's normal to have some anxiety. I just don't want it to ruin my relationship!

---------- Post added at 09:34 ---------- Previous post was at 09:30 ----------


Yep, i recall suffering depersonalisation and all scary stuff at the time.... but we got married in St Lucia, had a lovely day, it was all great.
Whats scaring you? the day itself, all the attention being on you??

Hi Stormsky, besides the things I mentioned in my above post, I am also worried about the attention being on me. I don't really like being the center of attention. I'm also worried that my anxiety will come on so strong on the day of that I won't be able to enjoy anything.

I'm glad to hear you enjoyed your special day!

[Stormsky]

Note all the negative questions you are asking, like what if im not happy, what if he loves me more, what if its doesnt work......... BUT how about, what if we are perfectly happy, what if we have an amazing life and marriage!!
Anxiety often leaves us emotionless, and doubting feelings for loved ones or for anything at all really.... alot of threads on here are about feeling no love for partners at times....
Youve said he is perfect for you, so theres your answer!!
You dont have to have a huge wedding... if your more comfortable just have a few close people there, we had my mum and dad and my hubbys mum and dad, and that was it.... then when we came home we had a wedding reception with all the family and friends... but thats just a party, and the anxiety isnt as great , as its not the actual wedding day, so i found the reception easy to deal with....

[lizerie]

Thank you Stormsky for your reassuring post. You're absolutely right, I do find myself thinking in negatives too often. I've started a free online CBT program, but lately I've been thinking that maybe I need a more one-on-one approach. Thank you again! :hugs:

[Stormsky]

One more thing... how were you able to overcome everything and enjoy the day?

think we were posting at same time, see my previous reply to you...
Regards the day, i was so wrapped up in the moment, the anx and depersonalisation faded... plus the help of champagne!

[lizerie]

Haha, yes we were posting at the same time.

[swgrl09]

I am kind of like this ... I found out that my boyfriend of 4 1/2 years has been shopping around for engagement rings (hopefully for me and not somebody else!!! Hahaha) but I am constantly paranoid that he will cheat on me some day or is hiding things .... no reason to believe that he is, but if he messes up at all I get nervous about it. I shouldn't, I mess up all the time, nobody is perfect and he loves me inspite of anxiety. My sister is currently in a relationship where her husband constantly is unfaithful over the internet. He also violated me personally. She is still with him denying all of it and blaming us for lying. I think this is why I am having trouble trusting that relationships can be good and not go foul. I have a lot of trust problems due to this event. So I know I would say yes if he proposed but I am anxious even thinking about it sometimes ....