Me again... REALLY scared! pleeeeeeeease help!

[gonecrazy]

Well not the tummy as the bowels. This is gross and embarrassing, but I am just terrified... I'm too scared to go to the dr. I don't want to hear that I am dying (although he might say I'm fine too! lol) I am really scared and it consumes my thoughts 24/7 and has now for 4 weeks!
This is just freaking me out, which isn't making matters any better. I was told when I was 19 that I had IBS and now I'm 34. I've had my bouts with it and get along just fine. This "new" bowel thing is just too much. Now I'm obsessed with my poo! This is so sad! I don't want to be looking in the toilet hoping for a nice big turd! Now they are thin and sometimes seems to look flat... cancer for sure! I haven't been eating much (and when I do it's not the best) and I should get some fiber b4 jumping to conclusions, and I've read that IBS can be on the right side at times (mine is usally left or center) and that it can my flat or thin stools, but I have to look at the cancer side of life... I don't see blood but it could be too small to see... and sometimes it's runny and then it's round and fluffy and I read that once colon cancer shows signs... it's progressed... so now it's too late!! UGHHHHH!!!
I am really scared... I'm starting to withdraw from things I like and just wish everyday that my poop would be normal! THEN I feel ashamed for spending so much of my day thinking about poop!!!! I have 2 girls and I am so scared I'll leave them and my husband will be devestated... and I don't want to die either! lol
Sorry to ramble on.... I'm just scared and freaking out!!!

(last summer it was my heart... and before that anersym... so there's a pattern here... and each time I say... if THIS is ok... I can deal with anything... and then something new... and so it goes)

[hayles]

Hey Crazy.....

I am ALWAYS saying....if this one thing would pass (be it head pains, dizzyness, sickness) then i could cope, yet they pass and another appears and it goes on!

Poop is different every day, I have big ones small ones, runny ones and ones that hurt! I never poop regularly and some days i go for 3 days with nothing.

DONT worry, IBS is the cause of a lot of these weird and wonderful poops (my best friend has ibs) all we disuss is poop and brain tumours...lol!

You will be fine no doubt, i am having one of those days too, check out my earlier thread...I have a brain tumour at the mo.....lol!

Hope you feel better soon xx

Hay x

[mconlon]

Like many of us, you could probably open an Art gallery with the various styles, colours, shapes and consistency of that stuff we'd rather not think about in polite company.

Adrenaline can do funny things to them and IBS is a well known culprit for me in changing shape consistency etc. That voice you hear is a big fat liar - IBS and adrenalin are just having fun painting pretty pictures in your toilet bowl!

MC

[kjmuir]

I find that mine change with the weather and I have to admit to being obsessed by it! [:I]

It wasn't helped by a telly prog telling me what a 'normal' one should look like - mine have never been like that!

It's definately true that the more you worry about it the odder they'll become so try to ignore it and I'm sure it'll settle down again.

kj

[lass]

Hi, I am new to this and your post inspired me to join!

I have exactly the same problem as you. Since February this year I have had an on/off left sided tummy pain, as well as "abnormal" bowel movements. I read an article on bowel cancer and realised that I had not had a "normal poo" this year! I went to my GP who said initially I was constipated (didn't realise you could still be constipated when you are "going" every day, but now realise I was just not getting rid of the full load so to speak!). I followed her advice for about a month and felt reassured, but then suddenly had a gut feeling that something was really wrong. Went back to GP, she ran a whole load of blood tests, which were all fine; again this reassured me for a short time, but soon I was back at GP again in a terrible state.

She has now referred me for further investigations - she says she feels sure it is IBS but realises I won't rest until this is proven. I am going for my appointment on Thursday, so no doubt by tomorrow I will be in a terrible state of anxiety again.

She also prescribed an anti-depressent (sertraline) which I started taking last week. I took half a tablet for 4 days but by the fifth day I was in such a state that my husband told me I mustn't take any more (I was in floods of tears, couldn't cope, couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, felt sick, shaky, muscles ached). My GP tells me that I probably had a bad reaction to it - I have decided to keep off the medication and deal with my anxiety myself until I have a diagnosis on the bowel problem.

Like you, I have my head down the loo, analysing everything that has come out of me. I can't see any blood but panic that (a) it's there but I just can't see it, or (b) not all bowel cancers bleed.

I have also been experiencing pins/needles and tingling in my left arm, hand, leg and foot, plus a bit in my right hand - it was only on doing an internet search and finding this site that I realise this could be anxiety too.

I have a friend who is terminally ill - she had very minor symptoms that she ignored and when she eventually had them investigated her cancer had spread too far to be treatable. I also lost a friend to breast cancer 2 years ago. I think this has triggered my health anxiety - I now feel that I must get every little ache or pain investigated for fear that I will ignore something important. I, too, have 2 young children and my greatest fear is that I won't be around for them. I think because my friend is sadly facing all these issues, in my head they have become my problem too.

Having found this site today, I am feeling so much better than I have done since this all started and I can make a bit more sense of how I am feeling.

Your bowel symptoms sound so similar to mine - I have my consultation on Thursday evening so if you would like me to let you know what they have to say, I would be happy to do so.

Best wishes,
Caroline

[gonecrazy]

Welcome to the site Caroline. I feel for your friend... her story frightens me as that is my worst fear... I'll say a prayer for her family tonight.

I hope this site helps you with your anxiety, it has helped me with mine... this is a set back but I've been doing pretty well before this blip. It is so sad to have your head in the toilet everyday looking for signs of normal or abnormal poop!!! I hope all your tests come back fine.

:)

[Craig80]

mine varies daily depending on what iv eaten.

i really wouldnt worry to much about it!!