Realy bad day

[Scared_11]

Hi everyone!

I am having a realy bad day. I havnt been able to eat or get out of bed yet. I am feeling realy down. I have thoughts of killing myself but these are on an OCD scale. They terrify to the point I constantly need to reassure myself I am neve going to do it.

I just feel so depressed today. I feel like I can't see any light at the end of the tunnel and I don't want to leave the house. I am worried that I might end up killing myself.

I have called the Samaritans but don't feel any better. I just wanted them to tell me I am not suicidal an that I am going to be ok. They were just there to listen. See talking is not my problem, I can talk about this to my family and I do, all the time as u am obsessed with the fear I will lose control and want to die. Makes everything so complex.

Hope someone can understand and offer some reassurance.

[ems73]

you poor thing, it sounds like you're having a horrible day. Are you taking any medication at all, can I ask??

the fact that you called the Samaritans is a good indication that you dont' really want to kill yourself you just want some respite from the awful way you're feeling. You haven't done anything about killing yourself and you won't. you don't want to die, and that's why you're afraid of it.

I wish I could help more. You should definitely see a doctor as when things get this bad,medication can be extremely helpful if you're not already taking anything. If you are, then maybe it needs changing..

[Scared_11]

Hi ems73.

Thank you for ur reply.

I am not taking any medication. I have suffered with anxiety and OCD for a number of years and have never taken medication because I am afraid of the side effects. ie the suicidal thoughts but I think it is time. I feel like they are a last resort so never realy waned to take them invade they don't work.

I know I can get better it just seems impossible sometimes and my irrational fear of suicide confuses me when I get so low. It's always something I fear I may become capable of. I just want to get better.

I suppose I want a guarantee that I will never do it but if that was the case then I am sure I would find something else to worry about.

[LAURA48]

Hi Scared - Ems is correct go and see your gp - asap - you definitely need to be on medication for this and some therapy. Tell him/her what you have told us - try not to be alone - and phone the doctors on mon and ask for an urgent appoint - the meds will help you greatly. Good Luck Laura

[theharvestmouse]

It does sound like you need some help, I don't know what medication they would put you on, but Citalopram makes you feel suicidal sometimes, although I'm not sure if I would feel like it anyway without the meds.

Hope you are ok and if things get bad then tell people.

[Scared_11]

Thanks I will do!

I have had therapy before and can have realy positive days but today has possibly been the worst I experienced.

I feel abit better as the day is going on. I just want to get better.

Do u guys take medication?