i hate my life

[keta]

I have one of those days that if not for my little son i wouldn't want to be here anymore. I'm just so consumed by my fears and anxieties that i can't see left or right, i'm also in relationship which does me no good but i don't have the strength to walk away, i just feel so upset right now i m sorry i just needed to vent out on here, i know we all are pretty much in the same boat. i have been trying not to go back to doctors for any medication and fight it all naturally but it's hard going :weep:

[pinkdove]

Hi keta, please go back to your gp, there is no shame in asking for help, you will be able to cope with your lovely son easier if you get help and start to feel better.

the very fact that you have your son, tells you you have everything to live for, but don't suffer talk to someone and get help, then you will be strong enough to tackle your relationship.

I know how hard it is feeling the way you do, and unless you have been there people find it hard to understand. please be kind to yourself and get some help, you'll be glad you did, and it is not failing, it is taking the first steps on the road to recovery. hope this helps xx

[keta]

thank you pinkdove for the answer. I have been on Citalopram 3 times already in space of 5 years and i don't even remember if i felt any better, well i probably have but didn't do great deal for my agoraphobia. I feel like maybe i'm the selfish person that i shouldn't be even in relationship because it affects everything. Nobody wants to sit at home all the time or just go round local places, do they.

[pinkdove]

Hi keta i have been on citalopram twice, the first time i came off it too soon, and had a major relapse, the second time i think it stopped working for me.

I have been the same as you just wanted to stay at home, or go out locally, you are not selfish, you are suffering from anxiety, and yes you are right it does affect everything. but you will get there, i have just had my meds changed, and hopefully they will work for me, but we have to keep trying, or give in.....and that is not an option. hope you feel better soon xx

[Stormsky]

I have those days sometimes too... i also dont take meds..... it is a rubbish illness but we cant sit at home waiting for it to get better, cos i dont think it does...

'Live like you dont have the condition' thats what i read.... and although hard, i think thats the only way out of anxiety... if we avoid everything because we are 'anxious', then we will never get back to any normality.... Anxiety wont just go away unfortunately.... not for majority of us anyway...

So i make myself do all the things 'normal' people do, go out when i need to, food shopping or whatever.... try not to avoid friends and going out..... its the only way i find to stay 'real' and lesson the grip of anxiety....

[Scared_11]

I am feeling the same as u today also. I have decided to label this as a realy bad day. I have bad days and good days and today is my worst.

I am struggling to see the light thru my OCD/anxiety.

I also do not take any meds but think I might have to start. I can't carry on like this. Never wanted to take the meds as the side effects scare me too much.

Hope u start to feel better soon.

[loreen]

There is no shame in taking meds.With any other illness you would seek help and take the medicine to make you better.

Anxiety /depression is a tough illness to live with and we need all the help we can get.As for the side effects,well I think if you feel ill enough to take meds then the side effects are a gamble worth taking!

I understand about not wanting to go out and socialise.I have a constant battle with it,but like you I have children who need a "normal" life!

As I have got older I have learnt to accept my limits and don't ask too much of myself.I know I can't cope with large group situations so I just say no.Everyone is different and I know I am not the only one who has problems-that helps!!!

Go and speak to someone, and remember-there is no shame in asking for help.

Loreen x

[keta]

Many thanks everyone, i feel much better now it's just one of them days when you feel like you can't go on anymore. It's great to get so much support on here :D

[millym]

Hi keta, I absolutely know how you feel :weep: underneath I've copied a letter Stephen Fry sent in response to a lady who felt her depression was engulfiing her, hope it helps you a bit, it did me xx ...

A beautiful letter from Stephen Fry to a lady by the name of Crystal Nunn, in response to a desperate letter she wrote to him during a bout of depression, early 2006. Says Crystal, "I had no idea who to turn to. But I really needed someone to turn to and to ease the pain. So I wrote to Stephen Fry because he is my hero, and he has been through this himself. And low and behold, he replied to my letter, and I will love him eternally for this (...) I though that I would upload this to give other people suffering from depression a chance to read the letter which helped me so much during the deepest days of depression"

April 10, 2006

Dear Crystal,

I'm so sorry to hear that life is getting you down at the moment. Goodness knows, it can be so tough when nothing seems to fit and little seems to be fulfilling. I'm not sure there's any specific advice I can give that will help bring life back its savour. Although they mean well, it's sometimes quite galling to be reminded how much people love you when you don't love yourself that much.

I've found that it's of some help to think of one's moods and feelings about the world as being similar to weather:

Here are some obvious things about the weather:

It's real.
You can't change it by wishing it away.
If it's dark and rainy it really is dark and rainy and you can't alter it.
It might be dark and rainy for two weeks in a row.

BUT

It will be sunny one day.
It isn't under one's control as to when the sun comes out, but come out it will.
One day.

It really is the same with one's moods, I think. The wrong approach is to believe that they are illusions. They are real. Depression, anxiety, listlessness - these are as real as the weather - AND EQUALLY NOT UNDER ONE'S CONTROL. Not one's fault.

BUT

They will pass: they really will.

In the same way that one has to accept the weather, so one has to accept how one feels about life sometimes. "Today's a crap day," is a perfectly realistic approach. It's all about finding a kind of mental umbrella. "Hey-ho, it's raining inside: it isn't my fault and there's nothing I can do about it, but sit it out. But the sun may well come out tomorrow and when it does, I shall take full advantage."

I don't know if any of that is of any use: it may not seem it, and if so, I'm sorry. I just thought I'd drop you a line to wish you well in your search to find a little more pleasure and purpose in life.

Very best wishes

(Signed)

Stephen Fry