View Full Version : I hate this :'(
So I posted the other day about how worried I am about my Mum, but I am really struggling :(
My HA was under control for a while and it was great, then my mum visits the doctor and mentions about her ibs type symtoms she has had since last year, he pushed in her tummy and finds a lump. A LUMP :((((( cue uncontrolable worry that I challenge even a non HA sufferer not to feel. Being in the UK means my mum will have to wait ages for a scan and she is somewhat not worried at all probably because unlike me she has not googled symtoms before and led to a diagnosis of ovarian cancer :(((((((
I find mornings the worse with HA I wake with this horrible feeling in the pit of my tummy sometimes followed by a trip to the toilet.
I have upped my dosage of ciprolex in hope that it may help me relax but it doesn't. I keep having horrible thoughts about the future and finding out and what life will be like.
My relationship with my husband is not doing good, he supported me do much last year during so many bad HA episodes, and then I seemed to be doing better and then BOOM the scariest episode out of the bunch happens.
I am sorry to go on but just wanted to get it all out, my parents have no idea how worried I am about my mum, my mum has no idea what I think she has, my husband has understandably lost patience with me and I just wanted to vent.
Thank you for reading and if you have any positive words I would love to listen :(
macc noodle
20-02-12, 06:57
OK Kirsty = deep breath !!
Look you may have noticed that I had a complete meltdown over the weekend re my ovarian cancer worries!! So I do know exactly how you feel ......
First of all, let's take this in stages honey :-
(1) Has the doc ordered any blood tests for your mum?
(2) You do not wait months for an URGENT SCAN
(3) I only had to wait 2 weeks for a NON URGENT SCAN (because I was concerned about OC).
(4) We all get lumps and bumps that end up going away unexplained - I told you about my father and his cancer scare - turned out to be a pocket of waste stuck in one of the pockets in his gut caused by Diverticulitis. At that time also, his bloods were all over the place - it did not look good - but it was fine - no cancer nothing.
(5) Your husband has probably just run out of things to say - it happens - their sympathy and tolerance does sometimes reach a brick wall - it is only because they do not know what to say and just want you not to feel like that xx
Kirsty, somehow or other you have to get through this and you will I am sure :hugs:
Please do not look on Dr Google because the more you google OC the worse it looks - all you can see is that it is still a relatively rare illness in people in their 50s -
The highest age-specific incidence rates are seen for women aged 80-84 years at diagnosis (69 per 100,000), dropping to 64 per 100,000 in women aged 85 and over. (from Cancer Research UK)
So you see even in the highest risk age group the incidence is only 64 per 100,000. When they age standardise the statistic it drops to 16 per 100,000 in England.
Hope this may help a little - I know how you feel, truly I do Kirsty.
:bighug1:
Macc Noodle
xxxx
Thank you Macc..... Again I really do appreciate your time in messaging me.
I wonder how "normal" people would cope with this.
I have nicknamed my parents doctor "doctor useless" in the past and advised them to change but he has been the family doctor (not mine anymore) for about 23 years and they are happy to keep seeing him. So I guess although he hasn't ordered any bloods or urgent scans doesn't ease my worry. He didn't even put on the scan form what scan he wanted my mum to have so when my dad dropped it at the hospital they were like is this x-ray or ultrasound and my dad had to confirm it was for a ultrasound.
I did so well staying away from google, but now it's like an addiction again :(
Everytime I see my mum I watch her so closely observing how many times she holds her tummy, I am like an over protective mum. I asked her about her lump and she said she felt it and it is hard, don't move and feels like the size of one of those mini chocolate eggs you get in packs with the coloured chocolate shell. Of course my mum has no idea how much I am worrying so does not realise this information makes me worry even more.
purplehippo
20-02-12, 07:17
hi ya
its so tough isnt it,but like already said if they were very concerned your mums scan would be ordeded very quickly not months a max of 2 weeks.
i organised bupa for myself and family the other day(jn panic) of getting ill and waiting months for diagnosis,my gp said cancel this bupa it is actually likely uou get treated quicker on nhs now as they have a max of 2 week for these type of things so i was really wasting alot of money.
not that thats relevant to you sorry for the ramble!
the highlight i was trying to make is the 2 week wait max! so if your mums thing is going to be longer it must be somthing very minor.
If you are still unhappy go to the gp yourself for some answers/reassurance.
Also regard your parents and them not knowing your issues,is one of them strong enough to confide in?
im in a bit of a simular boat my hubby trys but doesnt really deal well with my episodes(actually often makes me worse!) my mum is a bit of a worry gut so i dont always say how worried ib am to her,but my dad is quite a calm laidback person so is good to talk to,i think he thinks im mad,but hey ho maybe hes right!!!
could you speak to either of your parents it really does help rather than keeping it secret xxxx
I have had issues with their doctor before and rang up moaning and actually had them hang up on me so don't think I could approach them.
I could talk to my dad but then I feel if I tell him then I mite scare him and then he will have to feel like me till we know for sure, and I don't want anyone to be scared like me.
My husband is always here for me, he wishes my parents didn't tell me things but they don't know how bad I am and I want them to tell me stuff.
I should have got my mum to go to the doctors last summer when it started, I knew the ovarian cancer symptoms then and should have pushed her to go. But it's never bothered her that much, she didn't even go doctors about that this time she just mentioned it to him because she keeps having gas that stinks like a sewer as she says.
My mum is my best friend and i am just so scared
purplehippo
20-02-12, 08:09
have they given her a date for a scan(even a rough one /timescale) or done any bloods?
try to put your worries about contacting the doctor behind you and phone them or go to yours and talk to them about it,as they may be able to rationalise it /give clearer explanations or put your mind at rest ,or if your doc says they would be concerned then you can defo get straight onto your mums gp with a bit of back up and not feel its just you being a worrier due to your HA.
maybe once things are a bit more certain with your mum,speak to them about your worries and HA, you dont have to tell them you think your mum is ill,just tell them how health issues send you into a panic.
my parents know,my mum bless her forgets sometimes and often says things to me like "we all die" and make every day count! like being a worrier you need to keep thinking every day is your last day! these days i remind mum that stuff like that freaks me out. My dad doesnt as much he says what i want to hear,which is what we need really isnt itxxxx
takecare and i hope you can have a day where you can relax xxxx
I really do feel for you, I dont have any answers but i can feel your worry. My mum went to the doctor with pain in her left shoulder blade, she went to the doctor and they said they would do an xray, the xray came out that she had shadowing in the top right of her lung (she has always had a weak chest) so the doctor told her she may have a condition that her lungs slowly rot (slightly blunt). so refered her for a ct scan...
Me with severe HA worried and worried i couldnt eat, we knew it couldnt be anything else, i pictured being withput my mum a gazillion times.. it was doing me in, yet my mum took it in her stride (shes 62) she didnt worry one bit, she even went to spain on holiday and left be here to worry and she went of to have a nice time , the results came back, all clear, nothing wrong!! Well i was 6lb thinner from worry.. my mum was cool as a cucumber.....
So i really know where your coming from, my partner has given up trying to support me because he says even if he tries to help rationalise with me i will still find a reason round being seriously ill....
Message me any time... am in the same boat xxxxx
No my dad had to take the scan refferal to the hospital and then they contact you with an appointment. The doctor drew a diagram on the form so I suppose they may prioritise it of they see what he has drawn or wrote?
I have contacted out local private hospital and hoping they will call me with a price today, for the scan to be done there. I paid for one last year and was seen within a week of contacting them. I havent spoke to my parents tho about what I am doing.
I keep trying to think of what else this lump could be but everywhere you read and with the other symtoms cancer seems the only explanation :(
---------- Post added at 08:24 ---------- Previous post was at 08:19 ----------
Thank you pearl I appreciate your reply. I don't know if I would feel any different without having HA i don't think I would. My mum is also very scared of operations and stuff as she had a bad time with cesarean when she had both me and my brother. So i know she will be scared if they need to do anything and this breaks my heart :((((((
poor you it must be so hard, its times like this you just want to magic it all away.. My 2 yr old son has been diagnosed with NF1, a tumor condidtion, an he also has a perminant broken leg. again, you just want to magic it all away...
I am sorry to hear that pearl :( its hard being strong for you children when you are falling apart inside. I have a 3 year old and try to be strong for her but it's hard xx
its is terribley hard being strong, HA makes me so weak, i also have a 4 yr old and 12 yr old, my eldest picks up on all my worries, that makes me feel terribley guilty. if i could just rid of this awful HA i may be able to give my kids the life they deserve.. especially little ozzy, hes gotta have a op in a few months, i really had to get myself stronger before then xxxxxx
Awww I bet you are doing a great job of holding it together. I am not on the other hand sat on the laptop to do some work and ended up spending the whole morning looking at sights about ovarian cancer and stories from people who have had it, then researched a lump in the stomach and 3 causes came up hernia, cysts or CANCER multiply anxiety by 100000000 as it says if you find a lump you should be reffered immediately but my mum hasn't :'(
cor its really frustrating isnt it? i would go to a different doctor and kick up a mega fuss until they refered her or gave me a bloody good reason for why they havent.... I know its not nice but dont forget our anxiety makes us think the worst case scenario....
STOP GOOGLING..... for your own sanity.......
:bighug1:
---------- Post added at 13:27 ---------- Previous post was at 13:26 ----------
ps.. what ive noticed tho, is that Dr Google always gets the diagnosis wrong!!!
macc noodle
20-02-12, 16:17
Awww I bet you are doing a great job of holding it together. I am not on the other hand sat on the laptop to do some work and ended up spending the whole morning looking at sights about ovarian cancer and stories from people who have had it, then researched a lump in the stomach and 3 causes came up hernia, cysts or CANCER multiply anxiety by 100000000 as it says if you find a lump you should be reffered immediately but my mum hasn't :'(
Kirsty
You will make yourself ill with this if you carry on.
So now you have decided to look for proof positive that your poor mum has ovarian cancer irrespective of anything that anyone has said to you in here - what more can we add to help you? - it seems like nothing is going to persuade you otherwise until your mum has had her scan and got her results.
I cannot believe that her GP would seriously imagine that the lump was anything serious and not order a set of bloods and request an urgent referral - casually giving the patient a request for them to take to the hospital just does not sound like they have any real concern about what they have felt.
Also, you are creating added pressure for your parents trying to see how much and how quickly a private scan can be organised. Surely that is up to them not you? Have you not thought that it is up to your mum how she proceeds with this situation ? If she is happy to wait then that is up to her.
Come on Kirsty give yourself a little break with this since you had been doing so well and now you are having a blip - yes a blip - which you can overcome I am sure of it :hugs:
Leave the computer alone and stop googling............................... Dr Google is an expert in creating havoc and fear.
I know you are right Macc it's just I don't seem to be able to help it, my husband says I have no self control and he is right.
I know what you are saying is true but when I go on google I look to find something to ease my mind a simple explanation for the lump and symptoms, I should know thats not going to happen on google and just make me worse.
I was just with my mum and she mentioned about the other day she had an ache across her legs, another symptom I associate with OC thanks to google. She saw in my face I was worried and asked if I had been on the internet, she said you know what's wrong don't you and I tried to lie and couldn't bring myself to say the word cancer.
I haven't told my mum and dad about the private scan I was going to pay for it myself.
I wish I could just have positive thinking and not be so scared and negative, I wish there was no LUMP as maybe I wouldn't be so worried, I wish she didn't have all these symptoms that associate with OC. Maybe if I never had HA I would never have met dr google and never know all this stuff.
I know I need to kick myself into trying to behave :(
now your post has mad me worried, ive been frightened lately about all of the female private part cancers and doctors have no worries but i have groin pain, back pain and hip pain and pain across the tops my legs... im in complete panic now :weep: this has been my anxiety for 9 months,,,, now i have all the symptoms
I am sorry pearl, I didn't mean to worry anyone. I get a lot of aches in my pelvic area and the tops of my legs, I have had scans that were clear and am a laporoscopy in march. I am only concerned about it with my mum as you know she has a few symtoms and this just seems another worrying one.
Please don't worry xx
i feel i have other symptoms too, wish my docs would push for other tests :(
I think anxiety plays alot with these symtoms. I felt so bad last year had the pelvic pain constantly untill I had a scan and got the all clear. Still get it now sometimes and the leg and groin pain. Wish I could put my mums symtoms down to anxiety.
Are you on any tablets for anxiety?
macc noodle
20-02-12, 21:23
OK Kirsty I have taken Dr Google to task on your behalf - I have just googled small pea sized lump on ovary - guess what it came up with ??????
ovarian cyst!
It all depends on what you put into the search engines honey and if you are continuously seeking cancer as an end result you will always find it.
And Pearl my love maybe you need to stop looking at Kirsty's continuous posting about this as you seem now to be having a blip about this too.
My legs ache, my groin aches, I suffer bloat, I suffer indigestion, I suffer pelvic pain, I suffer ovarian pain, I suffer .......................... boy do I suffer!!! And yes you have probably all seen my post(s) but guess what my lovelies I ain't dead yet! Anxiety and fear has a heck of a lot to do with the responses our bodies make and the pain we suffer.
I think that you all need to have a "No googling session" and see how long you guys can last like some other members did last week about checking their lumps and bumps!!!!
Did you guys see my statistic on this thread to kirsty - crikey - it is beginning to look as if we could make up the statistical number in this forum alone let alone find it within a group of 100,000 women :scared15:
:bighug1::bighug1::bighug1:
thanks macc we sure need someone like you to keep us in check.... your comment really help me feel more positive...... :yesyes:
Well I insisted on booking and paying for a private scan for my mum, but age has insisted on waiting to see when the scan is the nhs gives her is I just want her to have it as soon as why won't she let me pay :(
macc noodle
21-02-12, 18:50
Well I insisted on booking and paying for a private scan for my mum, but age has insisted on waiting to see when the scan is the nhs gives her is I just want her to have it as soon as why won't she let me pay :(
Kirsty I told you the other day - this is up to your mum and it is very wrong of you to impose your health anxiety on her and her problems.
She is the one that needs the scan not you - you are just going to have to get over this and let her deal with it her way.
You are making the situation harder for her by behaving like this - has it not occurred to you that maybe she is putting a brave face on this worry because she simply cannot let you see how she feels because of your reaction to it all??
I do not wish to sound harsh but these are the plain facts Kirsty - I suffer HA but I learned a long long time ago that my parents (and my father suffers a chronic long term condition which only has one conclusion) have to deal with their health management not me!!
Macc Noodle
:hugs:
I know macc and I have listened to what my parents have told me. I just hope the letter comes soon so we know the date and then if it's a long way off they said they will speak to the scan department or the doctor.
I guess I just have to behave till then, did not google today so that's a start. My mum don't realise how bad my HA is so like today she says that she has been so tired lately and that she gets bad wind everyday it just makes me worry more :(
Well my mums scan is next Thursday, so think the doctor may have put it as priority :( now I am feeling worried that he was worried but glad she don't have to wait to long, but then it's still a week away and thinking if it is what I think it is then it could have got worse in these last 2 weeks :(((((((
macc noodle
23-02-12, 16:33
Well my mums scan is next Thursday, so think the doctor may have put it as priority :( now I am feeling worried that he was worried but glad she don't have to wait to long, but then it's still a week away and thinking if it is what I think it is then it could have got worse in these last 2 weeks :(((((((
No Kirsty 2 weeks is a normal timeframe for an appt for ultrasound. And to be honest hun, even if it is the worst scenario you are imagining it is not going to make that much difference.
Mine was not priority when my doc arranged one for me 18 months ago, since she was of the opinion that it was not necessary and I was offered an appt within 9 days.
Not long to wait now hun, please try and stay chilled :hugs:
I just can't stop worrying, my brother just had a ultrasound and waited over a month for his appointment. My mum has a cold at the moment and a chesty cough and now I am worrying that if it is OC that it has spread :(((((
My mum is worried about the scan incase she has the transvaginal one done which I think she will, she has trouble with any sort of thing like that like smear tests :( I hate her being scared.
I just worry about her so much she is run down with this cold and now cough, she has a tummy full of wind everyday and with the lump just seems like a positive outcome is impossible.
Next Thursday is going to be scary my mum has her scan not till 5pm and I have my driving test that I haven't told anyone about :((
Hope your results are good today macc xx
macc noodle
24-02-12, 08:17
Kirsty
:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
Honey, good luck with the driving test xx
Did your brother have a transvaginal ultrasound? I guess not :blush: listen honey, it is better that they do the transvaginal one cos it is the only way to see ovaries properly. So once it is done you will not have to worry that they have missed anything.
Your mum may not like it but I am sure she will be fine - once you have had kids you kinda get used to stuff like that even if you do not like it.
Just remember that she will not get results that day I do not think - the scans will have to be looked at by a specialist so do not expect an answer on Thursday.
When my dad had a palpable lump in his stomach he had an ultrasound which showed no nasties other than inflamed diveriticulitis pocket. His bloods were all over the place and his iron was very very low making him tired all the time. 6 months down the line he is doing brilliantly despite suffering a chronic respiratory disorder.
Guess what I am trying to say is that even when it looks scary and bad, it is not always what it seems.
:hugs::hugs::hugs:
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